Homeschooling SAHM needs separation/divorce advice - Page 2
Don't sell yourself short or think that be you being fair, he will too. Research spousal support - you have been staying home with kids and have not been able to contribute to your own pension. Does h have a pension? You want to ensure you account for that(eg if your half is close to your half of the debt amount, you may want to use that to negotiate yourself out of debt).
Also consider that you could have been earning more than you are had HE been staying home while you advanced your career.
Put yourself first now. It's your responsibility to your kids to ensure a fair agreement to you, so they can have a similar standard of living at either home.
I would also consider the longer term picture. Eg if the kids attend public school in the future would you REALLY want to give stbx custody EVERY weekend?
Anyway I think you're doing great. I'm just playing devil's advocate because I appreciated it when people did that for me!
It's my understanding that that's how collaboration differs from mediation. With collaboration, you're still well-represented, and if things go wrong, you can still get a different lawyer and go to court.
Here's what I've learned, if you both agree with homeschooling your children, this will be taken into account when determining spousal support. I am not sure what state you are in, but here in NJ there are calculation guidelines and formulas for both alimony and child support -- see: http://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/children-parenting/child-support/calculations-guidelines.aspx It's great if you can come to your own agreement on a sum, but don't omit running it through the calculation guidelines, if your state has them, to make sure you are getting a fair deal. You can also have the homeschool commitment written into your child custody agreement. Good luck!
I see, it's a negotiation strategy. Got it!
How wonderful to hear that a reconciliation is possibly in the works. JIC, here are some thoughts:
Yes, thank you. That is the approach I plan to take. It seems fair to assume I should be paid fairly for my job as homeschoolers, and assume it should be equal to reasonably priced childcare for two kids during regular school hours, if not his work hours. I just need to do some math there- say $15/hour 8-4 Monday thru Thursday on top of child support average(for clothing/food/supplies). Does that sound reasonable?
It doesn't work like this at all. First off, if you do what is essentially a 50/50 timeshare (M-T with mom, F-S with dad) likely no one will owe child support. They may have him pay you a wee bit because you have them one day more each week than he does. Your 2yo isn't being HSed because she hasn't reached compulsory age yet, and your 5yo may or may not be eligible to HS depending on the compulsory age in your state. The court will view you as a mom who just wants to SAH. They will expect you to go to work FT. They will not pay you to SAH. I don't agree with this, but it is what it is. (That's why, when my ex left me while pg, I held off on filing anything and just took whatever he offered, knowing that if we went to court I would be told to wean and go to work, ex would have gotten 50/50 timesharing, and my CS would have either been zero or pretty dang close to it.) The court will not calculate an hourly wage for you to care for and/or teach your own kids. It sucks but it's true. Your only hope is to work together in mediation to get him to agree to what you want and then pray the judge just signs it without seeing how unconventional it is.
Also, once you live apart, even if nothing is filed, you will probably be eligible for public assistance. You needn't wait for a final judgment to apply.
Yeah, my ex said that, too. He promised to give me $300 cash monthly and pay for gas and insurance for my new car, as well as make the $250/mo payment. What I got was the $900 paycheck that was deposited the day he took off and then a month later he crept in the garage in the middle of the night and drove off in my car, which was in his name so I was screwed. That was it. Oh, no, wait...one time he came in my car to pick me for a midwife appointment...so, yeah...