I have 2 DDs and another on the way within a few weeks. My DD1 (6) has usually been a pretty compliant child. Of course she has had her share of tantrums and such but overall was very easy going. My DD2 on the other hand is pretty defiant. She will be 3 next week and is very bright and precocious. She knew all her letters and numbers before 2 without me every working formally with her, she just picked it up. She talks so clearly that she sounds just like my 6yo with a similar vocabulary. I only mention how bright she is because on the one hand she is very much like a 6yo, but I know emotionally and physically she is still 3. I have trouble figuring out what reasonable and appropriate expectations are for her because of this.
She is extremely strong willed and determined to assert her independence which I know is perfectly normal for this age but there are some things I just NEED her to do when I tell her to. I try not to make a big deal about unimportant things, but some things are non-negotiable (i.e. - get in your carseat to ride to the store, don't run out into the street, don't hit your sister!). But even for other things that aren't an immediate safety issue I feel it is time for her to listen (as in pick up the toy you just threw on the floor, don't dump water out of the bathtub onto the floor, be gentle with the cat). I am so pregnant and tired it is hard to physically get up and make her do what I asked. I know that will pass soon but then we have the challenge of a third child in the mix. Are there gentle ways to encourage her to do what I ask of her? Is it developmentally appropriate to ask her the things I mentioned? I need help. So often I resort to yelling which I hate doing but I get so tired and frustrated of the constant battle with her at this point. Late pregnancy hormones are not helping the situation at all either. I of course love her so much and I don't want to squash her beautiful strong personality but I really need her to listen more than she is right now.