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5th grader being placed with possible "bully"

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

Hey there,


My soon to be 5th grade daughter is going to be in the same class with a girl that smacked her in the 3rd grade. I'm hoping that this girl has grown up a little, and I think they've both made amends, but I'm a little nervous about this, though. She isn't worried in the least, which is interesting. Should I switch her out of her class (I don't really want to do this because she's already told people who she has as a teacher) or should I give her a book about dealing with bullies just to prepare herself for possible conflicts?


I had a bully or 2 all throughout elementary school, and I feel as though every year cannot be ideal as far as classroom dynamics go.



post #2 of 5

I think it's a good idea to have on-going open discussions about friendships, bullying, and relationships. I wouldn't focus your conversations on this single child. I'd discuss bullying in general - how to recognize it (physical vs. verbal vs. social/exclusionary), what to do if it happens to you, what to do if you see it happening to others...... There are good resources to help you if you search past threads and elsewhere on-line. Then I would be inclined to do some watchful waiting until I thought more direct intervention was necessary. I wouldn't ask for a class reassignment at this point. 


Was incident that happened 2 years ago a one-time, out-of-the-ordinary event?  Any child can have a bad day and hit out in frustration. I wouldn't label every such child a bully. Do you have other evidence that this was an ongoing problem and that this child was actually a bully during that time?  


How did the school manage the hitting incident? Were you satisfied with their response? You may want to give the 5th grade teacher a heads-up about your concerns, particularly if you think the school response wasn't/hasn't been adequate with this child. 


I suppose that if this child was bullying your Dd over a period of time, I might answer differently. 

post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 

That's why I put bully in quotes. I don't assume that she's a bully per say, but that my daughter was bullied by her, and there were a few other kids she hounded on, too. I think that she's grown above this and like I said, my daughter has zero concern about her which is a good sign that the dynamic has shifted from negative to positive, but I think my main concern is the unknown and what ifs.


Your advice is awesome. I will keep that in mind as we have more discussions. I do plan on getting her the American Girl book about bullying. She's more comfortable reading about things, than having a discussion about it. I will def. keep on top of this, but not make bullying my main focus because I think this will cause anxiety, which she's a little prone to. 


Thank you for your advice!

post #4 of 5
Sending hugs to your daughter and hope that this year goes smoothly for her. I am going to get the American girl doll book for my daughter.
post #5 of 5

Two years is a long time in children's lives, and that girl may have changed a lot.  Also, a typical classroom is a big enough group that any two students don't necessarily interact much.  Since your daughter is feeling no apprehension, I wouldn't take any action about it.


But the idea of learning about how to handle bullying in general is a good one.  I'm glad there are so many resources about it available these days and schools are much more aware and serious about stopping bullying.  I was a bullied child, as were both of my parents and my partner, and we all felt so helpless!  But in my son's school the attitude that bullying is just uncool seems very widespread and accepted.

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