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Partners as Parents

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
I know there's likely to be while range of involvement from our partners as parents, and I thought it might be interesting to see how people balance the work/home load.

It came to mind for me because my own plans and expectations are changing around me and it's kind of freaking me out. My husband is definitely a family man more than a career man. He has a good job with a solid salary, but rarely has to work long hours or abandon family time to take a work call. This was really important to me, and we've talked about how we both want to keep home as a priority and forgo very demanding career ascents in order to keep a more peaceful life.

His work is also very family friendly, and gave him a month of semi-paid leave, as well as permission to bring the baby into the office on occasion. We have felt SO LUCKY about all this, and I had not even considered what it would be like if this were to change.

Well, apparently a software release they just pushed has some weird bugs with big consequences and has turned him into a 70hr a week workaholic for the last two weeks and it looks to be continuing.

I am shocked to be due any day now and suddenly without my partner as I know him. He is so stressed and saying how this is the sort of work priority that his bosses would have pulled him out of leave for because he is the main developer.

I am freaking out because I'm suddenly terrified that if this goes on, I'll be parenting alone those first weeks after all, especially if I go late and my mom goes home soon after the birth.

I have no plan B, no friends with kids to help, and not a single stay-at-home friend available during the day. Aaaack.
post #2 of 6
When my first dd was born it took a lot of adjustment for us. I just assumed dh would go back to work the day after dd was born and so did he. Mostly it was due to necessity as we could not afford for him to take time off. I was surprised to find that I needed him a lot at night because I was pumping but in the end I ended up being mostly alone because he worked nights. It was hard but you do what you gotta do. Getting meals and having someone there to hold the baby so I could shower were the most needed things. If you can afford it, look into a postpartum doula. Get a ton of take out menus so you can get yourself food if necessary. Buy disposible paper plates, cups and diapers if you were planning on cloth. There is lots you can do in advance to make things easier on yourself.
post #3 of 6

I agree with talldarkeyes suggestion of a post-partum doula.

My husband is taking 4 weeks parental leave, and luckily has been training someone to do his job (kind of ) while he's gone, but he doesn't think he can take more than 4 weeks without there being repercussions. 

post #4 of 6

My husband went back after a week--and will probably need to start traveling again soon. We have parents around this week and next week, but that's it. And it will be ok.

post #5 of 6
husband went back the day after we came home from the hospital! It is hard, but doable. He had next week off (unpaid) and I'm so excited to have him home and spend done family time! is he able to maybe just go to work once or twice a week if the issue isn't resolved before your little oneis born?
post #6 of 6
My hubs stayed home for 17 days and went back but works 48 hour shifts so when he's gone it's for a long time. I was very lucky thus time around because my mom moved in with us a month before hand to get her wine bar open. Again, lucky for me, bad for her, it hasn't opened yet. Having 5 other children and taking care if Camden has been challenging for me and I've definitely needed a lot of help. Needing to sleep in in the mornings just to catch up on the sleep I missed the night prior.

Oh and DH didn't get paternity leave but had to take vacation instead but had to save enough for our Disney trip in Nov, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
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