I'm struggling a lot lately with the shift in the way I identify with myself, my attractiveness, and my sexuality since I've had my son. He's almost 2 years old and my first one.
Before pregnancy I had a very high sex drive and was intensely interested in sex, had a comfortable and open relationship with my body and sexuality, and felt fairly attractive most of the time. I even felt this way *while* I was pregnant, though the shape of it (literally) changed.
I didn't anticipate such a change for me post-baby. I lost my butt (used to be nice and round and perky, went totally flat in pregnancy and barely came back). This seems so shallow, but it's made a big impact on me, especially because it was one of the features my partner admired most on my body.
And the rest of me just looks and feels so different, after nearly 2 years of breastfeeding and mothering. I don't feel easy in my body anymore. I don't feel like I can just happily flirt. I don't feel sexy.
None of this was glaringly difficult to me until recently. I've been consumed with baby-care for the past 2 years and my own sexiness was not high priority. But now that my son is getting to be less and less attached to my own body (we're gradually weaning, he spends a lot more time with dad, etc) I am finding myself feeling like a lone used-up version of myself that isn't very desirable.
It's so interesting how much these changes have impacted my self-esteem. I am getting a better look at how much self-worth I unconsciously placed on my own sexual attractiveness, so this period of discomfort is teaching me something.
Still... I want to hear from some mamas about similar feelings and experiences. I feel like we live in this age of the "MILF" where you are either a "hot mom" or you just disappear into the invisible sexless mom. There is more to it than that and I want to talk about it.