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At what age did you let your teen start dating? - Page 2

post #21 of 24
Originally Posted by derek View Post

I have not been on here in years, but this is exactly why I found my way back.


My 14 year old daughter starts high school later this week.

Welcome back!


I have a 14 year old daughter who will be starting high school next week.  I'm wondering if this will start to come up.  I didn't have any romantic interests in middle or high school, nor did I have many friends who were boys.  In fact, mostly the opposite, the boys I knew were all pretty mean, so I can't really relate any of this to my own experiences, even if I could remember back that far. lol.gif   


My daughter does text some kids from her middle school, including at least one boy.  They all seem pretty young for their ages, though, not like they are looking to pair off.  I think there was only one girl in her 6th grade class who had a boyfriend.  Most of her friends do not have any romantic attachments, and none of them seem overly interested at this point.  She went to summer camp this year, and met a boy that I think she texted once.  He lives nowhere around here. My husband think she's more interested in friends and developing socially in that way, and working up the courage to be interested in dating.  She's never been very social, this summer was kind of a flowering.  Not only did she ask me to take her shopping for clothes this summer, she's done more things socially with friends. 

She has this one friend from kindergarten, and that girl apparently did have a boyfriend recently, because I keep hearing about the friend's "ex" which just seems funny to me. I don't think they ever dated in any typical way, they were just friends in daycamp together, maybe they texted, I don't know. 

post #22 of 24

As other's have mentioned, "dating" itself is a very ambiguous term.


DD went on her first dates this last year (she was 13-14 and in 9th grade). Our rules are it must be in a group and no being at houses without adults.


It was a little funny because she had her first boyfriend starting in January.  She started talking to me in December about it and about he was not allowed to have a girlfriend/ couldn't date.  Ended up talking to the parents and found out that while we said, "she can date" and they said, "he can't date" we had virtually identical rules.  They didn't want 1:1 dates or hanging out in each others bedrooms, etc...  Once they understood our rules, he was allowed to "date."  They dated five months: texting, a couple movies, a school dance, dinner and lots of walking their respective dogs. I think it was completely age appropriate.


DD first expressed an interest in a boy (and had it expressed back) when she was 10-11 (6th grade).  They both wanted the other to know they "liked" each other but had no interest in going anywhere and doing anything together.  DS is almost 12 (going into 6th grade) and has zero interest in girls or boys in a romantic or sexual way.  He told me in the not too distant past that he is a "late bloomer".

post #23 of 24

My sons are 17 and 19.  They were allowed to start dating at 16.  I work with too many teen moms who all began "dating" at 12 and 13.  These mothers have shared that they began having sex as they felt ready since they had been dating for several years.  It is something we talked over with our boys and they understood.  It seems to have worked for us.

post #24 of 24
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post

You mean what will the guidelines be?  Okay, well for us purity before marriage is really important.  I know that isn't the case for most on here but those are our beliefs.  I'm not talking purity in a Duggar family kind of way, just that we believe sex should be saved for marriage and that a serious romantic relationship can lead to too much temptation.  So some things I can think of off the top of my head are dating in groups and encouraging them not to be alone in a one on one capacity.  No boy/girlfriends in their bedrooms.  No dating anyone (when they are over 16) that we have not gotten to know a substantial amount.  So he/she would need to come over for dinner, spend time with their father and I, etc.  If they are not willing to do that then clearly they don't belong in a relationship with my child.  We believe in not focusing so much on romantic relationships at a young age - you have the rest of your life to be exclusive with someone, youth should be for making friends, finding yourself, setting goals for the future.  Obviously I'm not naive, I know they will have romantic interest in a boy/girl.  But we will teach them our beliefs and we will set rules.  We have already begun talking to them about relationships/sex/purity/etc and will continue to do so as they age.  We're not going to lock them up and throw away the key but neither are we going to encourage them to become involved in situations that they are too young to properly handle.  Again, I am more than aware that these believes are contrary to pretty much everyone else on here but I believe as adults we should be able to have a respectful conversation about differing beliefs.



That's the kind of home I grew up in.  I think it did help to a degree but maybe my rebellious spirit allowed me to choose to ignore my families beliefs.  Then again I was 18 the first time I slept with my boyfriend so theres that.

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