or Connect
Mothering › Groups › April 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › Are you waiting before you tell people the news?

Are you waiting before you tell people the news? - Page 4

post #61 of 80

I told my parents, brother and in-laws this weekend and I was devastated that I got a really weird reaction from them. We made a little movie, with my daughter in a play kitchen getting a bun out of the oven. My in-laws got it right away, my parent didn't. My in-laws said they got it, but never said a word. Never smiled, never said congratulations, nothing. My parents just sat there, with my mom asking me stupid questions about how i made the kitchen in iMovie. Eventually my mother picked up on things and said, "Oh, are you pregnant AGAIN?" and it was just all very weird. Eventually they all got up and kissed us and I just felt miserable inside. We have some personal stuff going on it's been a pretty shitty time so DH and I thought that it might be nice to share this good news and to share it much earlier than last time.

I felt crushed the whole way home. The rest of the afternoon at the BBQ at my mom's house, everyone just talked about other things and it was like we never told them we were pregnant. My FIL kept saying "I knew it" when we first announced, like our news wasn't news because he'd guessed. Maybe I'm just sensitive and hormonal?

So I haven't told anyone else (other than my midwives) and I don't think I will for another 2-3 months.

I am worried about work. I've only been back from my maternity leave for 8 months (and I was out longer than they originally expected) so I am worried that they might have an issue or judge me for it. Plus even though I'm entitled to 3-4 months, I want to take 6. 

post #62 of 80
Thread Starter 

Mom2Cali- Ugh, that's awful! I would have been upset too :( 

post #63 of 80

I think the first trimester is so intensive that it's a shame it's not common to share the news so early. I DO understand how hard it would be to have to untell, so that I understand, but this is so damn hard that I have told all my friends and family so that I can receive their help with my 3 year old if I need it! I also really want their positive thoughts and prayers because I am afraid to lose. 

 

Well, we told all the important people when I was 4 weeks 3 days along. With a disclaimer that it was very early, too early to get too excited, but that what I needed was their hope and love. 

 

Thankfully I saw the heartbeat yesterday so I am thrilled that we have made it this far!

post #64 of 80

Also, I don't have a facebook and I use instagram, but won't be "announcing" it officially on instagram until 12 weeks. If I had facebook I wouldn't announce it until 12 weeks either. Just close friends and family, the people I would grieve with if I had a loss.

post #65 of 80

We have told a couple close friends, but haven't told my kids or anyone else yet. I'm worried my oldest son will be a little tricky-- he and his wife just had their 2nd last month and he's very traditional, so I'm afraid that me having a child younger than his may be hard for him to come to terms with. He's loving and sweet, just very conservative. He's happy that I'm finally remarried and he loves my new husband, so I'm hoping that softens the reaction some. We're planning a homebirth and no prenatal testing- I don't really want anyone's negative input about my age and choice not to test, so we kind of want to keep quiet as long as possible, but being my 5th and I'm pretty thin, it will be hard to hide for long...

post #66 of 80

Meko, so glad to hear that good news.

post #67 of 80
I'm dying to tell people! I'm 5 weeks today. Which, with my history leaves me with 32-33 weeks left. Plenty of time to share! But still. I'm horrible at keeping secrets. I talked to my mom for an hour last night and it was awful! I had to keep reminding myself not to slip and say something about zofran, etc. My latest miscarriage began at 7 weeks. So we'll tell family in the 8-10 week range, then Facebook/Work at 12 weeks. I do have a coworker, and 2-3 close friends that know just in case I need that support (and the coworker is the one here with me at night, so I wanted her to have a heads up if I'm crabby/tired/sick...she's due in Nov and told me right away, too, lol).
post #68 of 80

We haven't told anyone yet.  It won't feel real to me until I have my first doctor's appointment (in 2 weeks), so I definitely am keeping it mum until then.  My mother-in-law's birthday is the end of September and she will be coming in from out of state to celebrate with extended family, so I think we will wrap up a gift to share it with the whole family at that point.  We'll be at ~12 weeks then, which makes it a logical time to share.

 

We'll see how long it takes my close friends to pick up on it though.  I already turned down alcohol at our weekly get together last week, and got queasy in the middle of our dog training class (which I attributed to the stuffiness in the building).

post #69 of 80
Im sorry to hear about those whose families have had negative reactions. It does make me feel not so alone, though, since my inlaws are so disapproving of us having 3. My MIL keeps saying 'now that you're done for sure' (she just assumes) since the last baby so I know she will be negative when she hears about this one.

We take far better care of our kids than she ever did, though, and have never asked for or accepted any kind of help from her, while she depended heavily on her own mother for financial and childcare assistance. My husband's grandmothers on both sides had four kids apiece, raised well with no fathers in the picture. Yet they act shocked by our choice of family size? I don't understand where the judgement is coming from.

We will see how big my belly has to get before they ask I guess! With the weight I still have from last time it may be a while!
Edited by neycie - 8/15/13 at 12:00pm
post #70 of 80

I really want to wait until our first midwives appt, but it's not until sept 26!!

post #71 of 80

Waiting to tell until after 1st trimester because of previous losses. I think that my Dad took my previous miscarriage harder than I did. It was soooo hard to tell even the few people that I had shared it with. It stinks because I want to talk to people about it. That's why I joined here. So I don't implode. :)

post #72 of 80

I found out I was pregnant a few days before my 30th birthday, and since my sister wanted to take me out I ended up telling her right away. It was really hard though, since I wasn't able to tell my husband for two more days after that! He was super stressed with summer school finals and I knew it would be best for him if I waited until after he was done with school. Then of course he was thrilled to know. We told our 7-year-old son right away, but he somehow already "knew". Then we had our son call all our family members and tell them the news, which was great :) I'll wait to tell my work though for a while, I don't really want to be the talk of the unit right now, especially since I'm changing jobs next month.
 

post #73 of 80
Man, I just got the wanting-to-tell people bug. We told my ILs last night and it made me want to tell the whole world. Plus I have a clever FB announcement that I'm dying to use. Can't decide whether to roll with it or hold off.
post #74 of 80

Hehe we couldnt wait either. We both have told all of ou close friends and our parents. We are waiting to "spread the news" till we get a good ultrasound picture :)

post #75 of 80

Unfortunately, I am going to have to wait for quite some time! :( My SIL has just lost her second baby (second pregnancy + second miscarriage) and is quite distraught over it. I want to be sensitive to her feelings and not shove it in her face. But I also don't want my joy to be lessened because I am worried about her being upset with me (I know she will be, as that is her personality- she was last time I was pregnant). My in-laws are also sad about it all and sorry for her so I think I am going to wait until I am 4 months along or showing. Hopefully enough time will have passed that her grief won't be so strong and that my in-laws will be ready to receive such news. I am so so excited about this and I have told one or two people that I am close to, because who can keep such lovely news to oneself?! 

post #76 of 80

Mom2Cali: I'm so sorry your family responded to you that way! Hopefully they will realize how much they hurt you in reacting that way. I don't think you are being hormonal to be sensitive to that type of response. I would be mortified as well, and very offended. The news of a baby is a beautiful thing- so congratulations!!!! I hope you have friends that will respond joyously to your news when you later reveal your pregnancy- you deserve it! :)

post #77 of 80

It's so sad to hear about all the families with negative reactions. We are fortunate to have good reactions from every family member. I will be very cautious when I do tell some of my friends with fertility issues, but I know they will be supportive in the end.

 

We told immediate family and best friends right away. I know that if something bad did happen they would be the people I would lean on. Even if I didn't lean on them they would need to understand what had us so upset. I spotted throughout my pregnancy last time (and it looks to be that way this time too), and that does make me cautious about announcing it to the world. It was easier to keep it from the general public last time. We lived 800 miles from all of our friends and my co-workers, and I wasn't even on Facebook yet. Now I kinda want to spend all day moaning about the nausea. exhaustion, and not fitting into my jeans. Luckily I have a few nearby friends who are willing to listen. ;-)

post #78 of 80

We told our close friends and family right away and now I can't stop telling people.  I've only told people in person.  I am finding it hard to keep a secret since my energy level is so low and others probably think I'm sick.  I'm 8 weeks today and I'll have my first appointment next Friday.  Hopefully we'll hear the heart beat and can keep spreading the good news.  I told my 3 year old a few days ago and he said, "A new baby is good. "  I'm not sure if he's told anyone else that I don't know of yet...

post #79 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwanLake View Post

We told our close friends and family right away and now I can't stop telling people.  I've only told people in person.  I am finding it hard to keep a secret since my energy level is so low and others probably think I'm sick.  I'm 8 weeks today and I'll have my first appointment next Friday.  Hopefully we'll hear the heart beat and can keep spreading the good news.  I told my 3 year old a few days ago and he said, "A new baby is good. "  I'm not sure if he's told anyone else that I don't know of yet...

Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute luxlove.gif

post #80 of 80

My positive pregnancy test was Tuesday the 13th and I told my daughters on Sunday the 18th. On the 19th, I had to put in a leave request at work for my first prenatal appointment, which is scheduled for September 5th, so starting with my managers, I personally informed all my coworkers throughout that week. Then I told my mom when she came to visit on Saturday the 24th. My dad came into town from work on the 21st when I told him, and I found out John told his dad sometime last week over the phone. I was all about telling everyone in person, except I did have to call my brothers and sisters on the phone since they live in other states. Pretty much everyone was happy for me, except my dad, despite the issues between John and I (we're legally separated). But he's just as happy as I am for this baby.

  Return Home
  Back to Forum: April 2014 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › April 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › Are you waiting before you tell people the news?