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my three year old hitting her oldest sister who four

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

I need help with my daughter she goes back and foruth to  my house to her dads house and she not the only child her step mom  just had  a baby Arianna just rencetly started hitting again like tonite she hit her sister and left a mark rite above her  eye and my boyfriend is mad cause it was are daughter she hit and then he broke her binky I already took care of it but he is so pissed about it that he mad at me I am doning all I can with Arianna not hitting. I don't know what else to do he mad cause she hit my other daughter rite above the eye I am so out of options I don't know what to do and it has me and him fight cause  he don't understand she just a kid. so I need advice on what to do with her I am out of options and I am tierd of  fight ing with him about what she did

post #2 of 3

What do you mean he broke her binky?

 

How old is your other daughter?

 

She might be feeling overwhelmed with new baby.

 

Do you  mean he was mad because she hit his daughter?
 

post #3 of 3

hi,

I think your child  needs the support of all the adults involved - you , stepmom and your ex.

Not the trying to ' motivate her' to behave but trying to solve the underlying problem. Hitting is a behavior - you want to solve the problem giving rise to the hitting. A new baby could be something that we can add to the mix but we can do little about it and she is not hitting the baby all the time . So we should try and get a good picture , detailed as possible about the conditions which give rise to this behavior . we also need info from your kid about her concerns and we can only get info when she feels safe with those around her , she feels not blamed , but understood and caregivers are trying to address her needs. Once we have a good idea about her concerns , we can share our concerns with her and then define the problem , then brain storm mutually satisfying solutions.

 

A discussion with your ex and step mom ( seperately )  would use the same process . First listen to them - hear their concerns - not solutions , share your concerns etc 

 

How we view kids is important -  children do well if they can !  -  here we look for ways to ' work with the kid'  to help her acquire lagging skills and address her concerns 

 

children do well if they want to - here we ' do to kids ' to make them wanna behave = rewards , punishments etc 

 

We also may need to provide an environment which is user friendly to both kids 

 

I have described the cps - collaborative problem solving approach  - Ross Greene - check out his  livesinthebalance site  especially Plan B - drilling down for info 

it is not easy , there is no magic bullet 

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