would like some more insite please!!
Would you mind sharing why you feel so strongly about UCing this baby?
The hospital that I'm closest to (5 minutes away) does not allow VBACS....I'm a great candidate for it (as told by my doctor) but the hospital is not advanced enough to allow a woman to try and I'm strongly against another cesarean....i feel very disconnected from one of my children because of one....yes i can drive 2 hours to a hospital that will allow one but after researching and soul searching and alot of discussion with my SO we have decided that a UC will be best for us...it gives us the complete freedom to birth the way we want and gives us the intimacy back that we used to create this baby....we want this experience to be peaceful and relaxed without the constant interventions of a hospital birth (my other births were horrible experiences)...
And after researching and reading stories and talking to a couple of moms that have done a UC, i just really feel like it's for me....my births were horrible with my other children and i don't want to experience that again...yes they were all premature but even bring in the NICU required little to no assistance (with the exception of my last which we almost lost due to placenta abruption from a car accident).... Everything I've read says to trust your intuition for yourself and your baby....one mama told me to not let my fear overcome my decision but not to discount it either....if at any point i feel i need to transfer i defiantly will either for me or my baby...but even from what I've read that weather birthing at home or in a hospital anything can go wrong at any time...we know the risks of an unassisted birth but we also know all the ingest risks of a hospital birth as well....granted a hospital does have the means to save lives that we wouldn't have at home....we do have oxygen with a pediatric flow meter, a newborn resuscitation mask/bag, apnea monitor, and pulse ox....we are as prepared as we can be...we've done all the tests for the pregnancy, multiple ultrasounds, everything came back great....after much looking inside myself i know that this was meant for me, i have the greatest sense that baby and i are ok and will be ok...all the major fears that i had are gone now and i feel at peace with our decision....we are only 5 minutes from the hospital, an ambulance station just two blocks away....so if something was to go wrong SO and i know that all we have to do is make the call....anything can happen like i said but i really believe that we WILL be ok....
If you are going to listen to the wisdom of the mamas then listen to mine. There is a reason you have yet to get a flood of stories from mamas who trusted birth for their 34 weekers.
Birth is not safe, because it doesn't have to be. People who tell you that it is safe are lucky to be so naive. My beautiful, healthy baby died because of a senseless accident and random combination of events, and the human race is going to go on. The only people who will miss her are the people who loved her. I have cried morning after morning wishing I'd had some clue of how it was going to go wrong. I would not have stopped to take a bath. I would not have waited for the baby-sitter. I would have begged my boyfriend to drag me down the stairs. I would have crawled, I would have stood, I would have asked someone to cut me open. I would have done anything, if only I'd known. But I couldn't know until it was too late. My intuition wasn't enough. Mama, up until I felt her cord with my hand, I thought we were OK too. I had peace. And then when I touched her cord, I knew in my soul that it was wrong. But my mind couldn't make sense of it, couldn't know what to do. I pushed between contractions, I begged her to come out, and as soon as her head was born, and she did not cry, I knew.
My water broke as I was putting my shoes on to leave, and I wasn't even in regular labor yet. I live two blocks from the ambulance station and four from the hospital. Minutes. We called 911 when my water broke, and we did not know she was already dying. It took us 40 minutes from that 911 call to get to the hospital, and it was far too late. Had my water broken in the hospital, she could have lived. Her odds would have been very good. Very, very good. I have learned to live with knowing that just a few minutes away were the resources that could very well have saved her, but we just couldn't make it in time. I have found more strength in myself than I could have imagined but in a heartbeat I would go back to being weak.
As mothers, we have boundless strength. You can find the strength, ingenuity, and courage to find a way to create peace for yourself, the kind of peace that will allow you and your baby to have access to whatever timely interventions you may need. You are at a higher risk for complications, from cord prolapse to breathing problems associated with lung immaturity. Your belief that the hospital is "just as dangerous" as a UC is not true. It is a cognitive distortion. No, hospitals are not heaven, they are not perfectly safe and anyone who tells you that is as naive as someone who says that birth is safe. But like you say, they have special equipment, and specially trained personnel who can make the difference in life, death, or disability.
I imagine that you have had some serious trauma with your previous births. When you have trauma it is a normal protective response to become very reactive and hyper alert. However, the reason that PTSD is a disorder is because when you develop that hyperalert reaction, although it may have served you in the moment, it later comes to impede your connection to reality in way that can allow you to make the best decisions. This isn't an insult, I say this because I have been there. I even planned a UC for my first child because of it. (Full disclosure, we went to the hospital.)
No doubt you are trying to protect your baby and because of your trauma, your reptile brain is saying to stay home. But your reptile brain has not caught up with the 21st century. If you are planning a UC with your 34 week baby because you fear a repeat of your previous birthing experiences, then your trauma must be great, and you deserve to have that addressed. I would recommend finding a trusted counselor, but if you would ever like to talk about birth and trauma, I am here, and I will listen.