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dealing with ex who seems to always want me back even while he is dating =(

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

The xdh will drive me mad soon I am sure, he is always trying to swoon me and last week talked of us back together. Today he tells me he is giving me 6 months notice since he is dating someone and he likes her jic it works out.( we have a verbal agreement we will not introduce dating partners to the kids for 6 months after we start dating) I about flew off the handle. He mentioned it at pick up. I am so angry. I explained I am not angry he is dating,  I am angry he is trying to flirt with me all the while he is going on dates with others. Is this just going to be the norm from now on? The man cheated on me for 18 months beefore i found out and even continued to cheat and go on dates with other women (i know of 1 for sure) after i found out about his affair. He will not seek counseling. I don't know why i feel anything for him. I am fine with him dating, but i am not fine with him cake eating! 

post #2 of 4

I'm not a single parent, but I dated a guy who kept coming back after we'd split up... some guys are just like that. It's annoying. I would say he's just trying to keep you on the string. I would do a broken-record technique--"I am not interested in getting back with you now or in the future. Don't ask me again" or some variant, and don't respond in any other way. Eventually he'll realize that you won't react, and he'll quit with the flirting and move on to some other girl. If you're tempted to respond positively to him, remind yourself of all the reasons you broke up. I think at one point I had a wallet card of reasons I was glad to no longer be with the guy. 

post #3 of 4

Dude, I could have written this!!!  BabyBird, I had no idea we had so much in common.  hug2.gif  I don't know if you remember from the other thread we are on together but I have been dating mine for a while on and off.  And while I do care very much for him, I regret starting things up.  We have lots of trust issues because of his infidelity and honestly, I truly believe there's no future in it.  It's just basically prolonging the inevitable and making it more stressful and drama-riffic once I end up breaking up with him.  The reasons we divorced are still there of course and while we've done a ton of growing up since then and moving on, those issues will never truly go away unfortunately.  I have tried breaking up with him in the past and he always worms his way back in.  I care about him and we have 13years of history together so it's hard to move on from that.  I never wanted us to be "that couple" that breaks up and gets back together so many times.  It's embarrassing.  We are a joke amongst friends and his family.  If I had to guess, even though I'm not proud to admit this, it's gonna take me meeting someone I really like to get me to say goodbye for good.  When I'm single and lonely and sad, it's hard to say no to someone that I know cares deeply about me even with all our issues together.  But it started so simply with him dating other people and still flirting with me and telling me how much he cares about me.  It just escalated from there over a year or two until I was in too deep to know how dysfunctional it was.

post #4 of 4
Thread Starter 

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, he told me during his affair he kept ending it, but kept going back to her. The only reason they called it off is because I threatened to expose their affair to the other woman. I had naked pics and proof of the affair and she 'had an image to uphold' as a "christian' lol. Christian woman has an affair with an atheist, so fitting. 


I think xdh has addiction issues though, guess I could be just seen as another drug, he just has to have me.


I find that when I dated someone my boundaries were much better with xdh, but I know I need to work on my boundaries while single so that when and if dating happens down the road, I will avoid drama from the xdh. he would drive by my place when the guy I was dating might have been here and was crazy back then. I hope he has gotten over that, but who knows.

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