I've been following the thread on punishments with much interest, as we are making some big parenting changes right now and don't want punishments to be part of our family's deal anymore. I've been rereading Kohn and Neufeld and we are really trying to put the focus on the attachment relationships with our 7 and 4.5 yr olds (the 2 month old just needs lots of kisses!) and so far it is feeling so much better, but there are still some places that I am stuck.
Our oldest ds is a wonderful, compassionate, enthusiastic fellow who really struggles with anger/aggression/impulse control at times, and has been resorting to lots of hitting and physical aggression whenever things don't go his way. I am at a loss of how to deal with it- towards his younger brother especially. In the past we would threaten him with time in his room, and this would make him fly into a rage and get more aggressive and the cycle would go on and on... and obviously the threats and punishments were not working. But I need to find a way to keep ds2 from getting bonked every time he doesn't want to play the way his brother wants him to. I would love to hear how other parents deal with aggression without yelling/threatening/punishing. How can I keep our relationship intact and still teach him not to use his body to hurt people?