or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Do you think it's important to teach that lying is always wrong?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Do you think it's important to teach that lying is always wrong?

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
This is inspired by this thread: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1387561/do-you-let-your-kids-have-facebook-accounts

But I think it's a bigger issue and not just about pre-teens and teens.

I think that lying is in some cases a big deal, in some cases a little deal, and in some cases even for the best. I remember lying to get out of some uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situations throughout my life.

For me it's about intent. Do you lie to get something from someone or to hurt someone? That is a big deal to me. Do you lie to, as in the other thread, use Facebook but no one is actually hurt? To me, that's a little deal and other issues (like keeping up with friends) might be a bigger deal. Do you lie to protect yourself, someone else, to spare someone hurt feelings, etc? To me, that's a case where lying might be the best thing to do.

I see it as a more complicated issue than lying being right or wrong. I think it's situational. I also don't like the idea of teaching my kids to blindly conform to rules, and I feel like "never lie" is blind conformance to rules.

I'm wondering how others feel about this and I think it could be an interesting discussion.
post #2 of 10

No lying.  And learn how to be articulate the truth. 

post #3 of 10

I am one of the people who is opposed to lying to Facebook about the birthdate.  I do actually think agree that there are rare circumstances when lying is the least harmful option, but I don't think lying to get what you want (a Facebook account) is something I will endorse as a parent.

 

If I strongly disagree with a company's rules or policies, I don't do business with that company.

post #4 of 10

Overall, I teach our children that lying generally makes things worse, that it leads to people not trusting you, etc.

post #5 of 10

I'm not a black and white person. Not even grey. The world is full of color. I don't like lying. Lying about age for FB is not OK in my book, where is the good in that? Lying to hurt people is also off, or to sneak something extra or more... But white lies exist for a reason. Your friend asks "do you like my new dress". Honest answer "You look like a fat stuffed sausage and the color makes your skin look sick." White Lie "Well, I don't think the cut or color is right for you." I see no reason for honesty in a case like this. And outright lying to get out of a bad situation, which I think many pre-teen and teen girls face - certainly lying in this consequence is much much better than the alternatives. I was once walking home with a friend, we were about 9, and two guys kept driving by us and asking us weird questions. At one point they got out of the car and started chasing us. I ran into the nearest house screaming MOM and broke into the house and the poor confused woman who luckily was standing there I started talking to her as if she was my mom. Lying saved the two of us from some real mess.

post #6 of 10
I didn't read the other thread, but here is my opinion. I don't teach my kids that it's wrong to lie because that would be a lie. They sometimes see me lie, so I don't hurt someone's feelings. A white lie is a lie as well.
I tell my children not to lie to me and their dad, and I never lie to them, if I can help it. When ds asked why, I explained that in case he gets in trouble, I need to know the truth, so I can help him.
post #7 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

I think that lying is in some cases a big deal, in some cases a little deal, and in some cases even for the best. I remember lying to get out of some uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situations throughout my life.

For me it's about intent. Do you lie to get something from someone or to hurt someone? That is a big deal to me. Do you lie to, as in the other thread, use Facebook but no one is actually hurt? To me, that's a little deal and other issues (like keeping up with friends) might be a bigger deal. Do you lie to protect yourself, someone else, to spare someone hurt feelings, etc? To me, that's a case where lying might be the best thing to do.

I see it as a more complicated issue than lying being right or wrong. I think it's situational. I also don't like the idea of teaching my kids to blindly conform to rules, and I feel like "never lie" is blind conformance to rules.
 

 

This is pretty much exactly the way I see it.  I would never try to teach my kids that lying is always wrong, because it isn't.  Lying to Facebook about your age hurts no one.  Facebook probably wants people to do it, because it increases usage of their site without anyone being able to accuse them of encouraging young kids to use Facebook.  Now, if your parents have told you they don't want you to have a Facebook account, and you lie to them about it, that's another story.

post #8 of 10
I think honesty is mostly a good thing to embrace but there are times to tell a white lie and times when lying is understandable. I try to model honesty and wouldn't personally model dishonesty just so my child could get an account online or lie about age to get cheaper admission, it just isn't worth the overall bad image it sends but I also wouldn't judge others who think it is.
post #9 of 10
My 11yo doesn't have a fb account because I don't think the ads are appropriate for him to see. But he does have a google account, gmail, and a blog. He knows to ask me when he wants to make an account (Skype, etc) and he knows to use his bd and my birth year. He lets me know his passwords too because he trusts me and knows I will remember them for him.
He also plays Magic:The Gathering, a game listed as for 13 and up for no other reason than they don't have to adhere to such strict printing chemical rules. The world is not black and white.

My kids know I don't lie to them, they know lying in general is not a good character trait, but I also hope they learn while still with us that there is a place for certain kinds of untruth, like white lies. Because they can practice this in a safe place and understand it better. I don't like the idea of sending kids who have been blanket taught to never lie out into the world we actually live in.
post #10 of 10

hmmm. i've never 'taught' dd anything about lying and truth. we handled it when it came up.

 

as dd grows up i notice our world of lying is very different from each other. i jump on lying when it is 'easier' on the situation. for dd she uses lying as privacy - not wanting to give out more info even to me. i dont hold her to lying to me on small issues. like when she is in a little pain and trying to solve it herself she says she is fine. she does not want to worry me. but if she is in serious pain she will let me know. 

 

lying is a value that evolves. each situation is different. i find dd is more moral around this than i am. 

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Do you think it's important to teach that lying is always wrong?