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Stress/Crying/Hormones effect on baby

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

I have been an absolute wreck probably half of my pregnancy. If we're supposed to be calm and peaceful and not let our stress hormones get to the baby then why does nature make our hormones so insane??? I have had probably 15+ intense crying spells... I guess you could call them- since I've been pregnant. 

 

The most recent one.... I think it justified. My past crying/upset/extreme emotional states were a result of conflicts with my husband, little tiny things that just got to me because of crazy hormones-- but this I think is truly justified. A week ago my husband and I bought one day passes to a music festival in Oregon. We live 12 and a half hours away in California. A week ago I was feeling great and wonderful and because of the rest of the summer being absolutely horrible having to be on the east coast with in laws- I was ecstatic to finally do the one thing that I wanted to do all summer and actually get to do it-- normally every summer I go to 3-5 music festivals, it's like my life. I teach workshops and dance all night and that's just what I've done for the past 4 years... and this is my last child-free summer to do it so I was really bummed we weren't going to be able to do it- but then these one day passes opened up that we could afford, and we thought it would be a good idea to go to shasta and camp out, go to the festival for one night, and then camp on the way back. We could neither afford the full pass ($440 for both os us) nor wanted to camp for a week straight at 7.5 months pregnant... so we got the day passes for $150 , and we were going to take my car, which runs on biodiesel and gets ridiculous gas mileage and it was going to be a very thrifty awesome trip that would have made me feel like the summer wasn't ruined and wasted by being in f***** massachusetts with in laws for a month. 

 

and then.... Wednesday morning I wake up with a sore throat that feels like I'm swallowing razorblades, by the evening i can't breathe out of my nose at all, and now I have a full blown horrible evil nasty cold virus- the kind that is so bad that you can't sleep because you can't breathe, and your eyes hurt when you try to move them- and you literally CANT blow your nose or use a neti pot because you are THAT congested. 

 

and this morning my husband has the nerve to tell me that I should just sit in the car today for 8 hours while he drives us halfway, we'll stay in a hotel for the night, and I'll be better in the morning. yeah. right. It's not that I don't want to go to the festival, it's that I'm PREGNANT and have literally been SICK IN BED for 4 days straight now- I wish I could be magically better tomorrow, but chances are I will still feel like shit, and then instead of missing my favorite gathering/festival from afar, I will be there in person, feeling like shit and laying in my tent instead of my own bed. 

 

so then he says he's just going to go alone because he doesn't want to waste the money, despite the fact that taking his car would take at least $150 in gas to get there and back, and he'd spend $ on food and camping - so it's not really NOT wasting the money-- despite the fact that I already have emailed and called a zillion people and am probably going to be getting a refund ... despite the fact that his pregnant wife is SICK IN BED-- he goes out and starts packing his car like he's going to go camping without me... despite the fact that he just got back from backpacking for a week which was horrible for me to be alone and pregnant for that long without him...

 

so I get into a crazy crying emotional state, like to the point of coughing and gagging for like 20 minutes. He just doesn't get how selfish and wrong that is to leave me, to go off and pursue his own satisfaction right now- when I was the one who wanted to go in the first place, and there were MANY festivals we could have gone to earlier in my pregnancy in my WASTED SECOND TRIMESTER but I compromised and went to see his family for as long as he wanted. 

 

and then he agreed not to go, but is still trying to convince me to go, saying that I will regret it. NO, I will not regret driving 12 hours feeling this ILL and then being at a festival I can't fully participate in because I am so ill and pregnant. He is being so unbelievably selfish.

 

 

I guess my question is....... how badly am I just ruining my baby's nervous system for life? I have read that being really emotional during pregnancy is not good for the baby's nervous system and gives her all my stress hormones and now i'm just feeling incredibly guilty like i've ruined her. 

post #2 of 4

First off, all the hugs.  :)

 

Second - this is my first pregnancy too, and I have anxiety issues, so I know exactly how you feel.  I've been worried for a while that my fretting, my stress, or my occasional crying explosions (you aren't the only one!) would somehow do something to my little one.  On my other birth board, they recently started a thread about this, and I can tell you that DOZENS of women immediately started talking about how they had horribly stressful pregnancies with family deaths, divorces, cheating spouses, evictions - you name it - and their kiddos came out sweet and calm with no problems. 

 

I really, truly believe that it isn't as big of a deal as it's made out to be.  I think that some stress is completely natural in pregnancy, and I think that babies are really resilient.  So try not to fret! 

post #3 of 4
I went to a perinatal psychiatrist because I was feeling unexcited. It helped talking to an "expert". You just want to make sure you have the supports in place so incase ppd rears its head, but honestly only 15 crying spells? I think that's underachieving compared to the average woman! Do you have a group of women or birthclass that's the same stage pregnant as you?
Edited by Shiloh - 8/17/13 at 4:58pm
post #4 of 4

Yogini and other stressed-out mamas, hug2.gif.

I don't have much to offer, other than to send a hug and hope things look up, but also to say you just can't worry about how your emotions are working on the baby. You can't take that on too. Baby is sheltered and warm and safe. Keep feeding yourself and she'll be ok. All you can do is take care of yourself and try and get things as set up for a successful post-partum life as you can (whatever that ends up meaning to you), so that by the time she arrives you'll be able to focus on her. grouphug.gif

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