Hello moms and daddys... Here's my drama: My mother and I haven't spoken since February. I am having a hard time deciding how to handle it.
My mother and I have had a hard-time getting along since gradeschool. A main factor is her intense desire to control, and I definitly DON'T like being controlled. We have had many many heated fights, one that even got physical. She hit me with her purse and grabbed me around my neck, and I pushed her off into the counter. The cops were called, and she told them what I did while leaving her part out.
A couple years ago she cheated on my step-dad, ripped him off, and moved out. Since then things have gotten... weirder. Especially after getting together with my husband and having my daughter.
She doesn't like my husband, though he tried for a long time to be a good son-in-law and try to be friendly with her. He's since given up. I'm not sure what she has against him. She spread rumors that he beat me, which he NEVER has even come close to doing. When I got pregnant, she tried convincing me how bad he was and how I'd be happier without him, and tried to get me to move out of state and raise my baby with her. This, she said, was based on my being depressed. My depression was not a new thing, I have battled with it for close to 10 years. She told me about how after she had me, all the fun stopped. Ouch.
At the hospital, me and my husband decided we wanted to be the only ones in the delivery room for the birth of our daughter. I felt like having my mom there would be stressful. She was waiting in the waiting room, when my husband went out to see how the future grand-parents were doing, she told him with a straight face that he shouldn't be in the delivery room. Later she said it was a joke. Maybe I don't have a sense of humor, but... wtf?
I feel like I'm being long-winded, but I feel like a history is needed for the help I'm asking for.
With my daughter... She did things like doing something that scared the hell out of my little girl, made her cry, while my mom was laughing and kept doing it. She stole over 1000$ from my grandma's savings for me. Moved in with my grandma to "help her in old age" then proceeded to put her in a home a couple months later. But my came out of the situation with money and valuable electronics, etc. My grandma still pays my mom's bills, because she won't get a job.
The last straw was when we got into a fight, again. She was keeping the car my grandmother was giving to me. The title had gotten switched into my mom's name, because it happened out of town and I wasn't there, so my grandma intended for me and my mom to change it when she got back, which I was told wasn't going to happen. We got into it, and our relationship came under fire. Then I was told how I'm crazy and manipulative (the very thing I feel about her), how I'm to blame for our shaky relationship because of "all the drugs." From about 16 to 20 I was very into drugs, something I struggled with and finally quit when I got pregnant. I had opened up to her about it previously, searching for some sort of help or support. It really hurt to have it thrown in my face like that. I guess I lost the small sense of trust I had in her that day, knowing that I can't be personal with her for fear that it will be used against me.
I haven't seen her since. She sends me Facebook messages, strange ones because the tone and content is like nothing ever happened. Since the last fight, she has tried to ruin my step-dad's new marriage, and spread more rumors about me. Mainly that the whole reason I'm not talking to her is because of the car, completely ignoring the reasons I gave her about the way she had treated me and my family.
So now... I don't feel sad about not having her around. I feel guilty, because she gave birth to me and I'm her only child. I don't know what to do now! I don't feel emotionally safe and I don't feel save having my daughter around her. Any perspectives?