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Am I, or is my friend, being unreasonable?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 

My son is recently potty trained, makes it 99% of the time.  I realized he was peeing in the Pull-Up because it was there, put him in underwear, never went back (except for bedtimes).  The ONLY time he's had accidents is when he has to wait an extended time to use the potty.  To put an extremely fair perspective on things, we only started potty training this past Monday, it's just he literally took off with it, has been almost completely dry since Day 1, and that includes short trips to the store, to playgroup, walks around the neighborhood.  He tells me he hates how a diaper feels, only babies wear diapers, and he's a big boy now.  My friend's having a party at her house on Sunday, which will include a bouncy house.  Basically, she's told me that he cannot come to the party without a Pull-Up on, especially since there will be a bouncy house there.  As I don't feel it's in my son's best interest to force him to "regress" to a Pull-Up, and I refuse not allow him to go in the bouncy house because that would feel like a punishment for him, I will not be attending her party.  That being said, and I really being so unreasonable to not put my 99% potty trained child in Pull-Ups for a friend's yard party?

post #2 of 26
I will be interested to hear what other people say about this as I often read perspectives I hadn't thought of on here and change my original view. However, my first thought is that I would never dream of dictating to my friends any aspect of their parenting.

And a kid weeing on a bouncy castle seems a very minor inconvenience to me. Just wipe it up with a towel.
post #3 of 26
This is a really interesting question, and I can see both sides. He's been potty trained for less than a week, but even kids who have been potty trained for a while can have a hard time holding pee in at someplace exciting like a party with a bouncy house, and bouncing could make his bladder have a harder time holding on. When kids are having a good time, they can either not notice their body's signals, or ignore them because they don't want to stop having fun, and it's a classic place for accidents to happy. Even to kids who have been potty trained for months. I can see her point, but I can't see making it a hill to die on I guess.

I personally wouldn't refuse to go to a party for this reason. I'd just put him in the pull-up for the party. Being in a pull-up for no apparent reason might feel like a punishment, but being in a pull-up so he can go to a fun party and bounce in a bouncy house wouldn't.
post #4 of 26
I agree with Mamazee. Being in a pull-up so that he can bounce without worry seems like a small trade off, especially since you are only 5 days into your potty training journey.
If you are really against using a pull-up I would respect your friend's wishes and keep him out of the bounce house.
post #5 of 26

Honestly I'd do what you plan and just skip the party. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, or harbor ill feelings towards your friend over it. It's just not a good time in the potty training process for him to attend and that's okay.

 

My daughter also wouldn't potty train until I simply put her in underwear. I ended up having to switch daycares in order to get her potty trained as the daycare we used wouldn't allow her to come in panties until she'd been dry in a pull up for a week. However, she saw no point in trying to stay dry in a pull-up. If she was wearing a diaper she might as well pee in it. At the new daycare all she needed was my assurance that my daughter stayed dry in panties on weekends in order to be happy to give it a try at daycare. She had no real issues.

 

So I get that putting him in pull-ups just won't work at this point. Not only will he probably use it as a diaper if it's on, it will also upset him. But since he needs a pull-up to attend the party that means that the party just won't work right now. That is okay.

post #6 of 26

Does your son go when you take him to the bathroom or do you wait until he tells you.  I think being at a party, even a potty trained kid may not want to stop playing to go potty.  However, if he goes when you take him, then you could tell you friend that you will take him every hour or half hour or so, so the chances of him peeing is very small.  There are also underwear that are more absorbent, so if he does pee, the underwear should absorb most of it, especially if you're taking him very frequently.  Something like this: http://www.amazon.com/Gerber-Training-Pants-6-pairs-Colors/dp/B000UCP1IO/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1376700725&sr=1-1&keywords=absorbent+cotton+underwear+for+kids  

See if your friend is ok with these and with you taking your son frequently to go potty.  That way, your son doesn't have to wear pullups, but her concern about pee in the bounce house is addressed.

post #7 of 26
Your friend is being unreasonable. I would skip the party and take him somewhere else really fun. I would never tell anyone they HAD to put their kid in a pull up! WTF??
post #8 of 26

I think she is being very unreasonable. Does she honestly think that at a party full of toddlers and young kids that NO ONE is going to have an accident of some sort? It's just one of those things you should expect to deal with with small children, especially in an exciting party situation.

 

I wouldn't necessarily risk a friendship over it but talk to your DS about it. If he is ok with wearing a pullup so he can jump in the bounce house than go for it. If not, just don't go.

post #9 of 26

I can see both sides, I don;t see that either of you are being unreasonable, just that the timing of this event with your son's potty learning is not working out.

 

If you are hosting a party for small children then there is a pretty strong chance of accidents, spilling etc, however in my experience it's pretty unusual to have a child I would consider ready to take out without a back up after only 5 days, I can certainly see why your friend might have the same feelings. I can also imagine that a child having an accident on a bounce house would be a pain to clean up, seems to me it would be very easy to end up with several children having jumped in a puddle before it gets sorted. You have the potential for several children to be in need of a change of clothes and not everyone will have brought spares.I wouldn't be happy for my kids to stay and play in clothes damp from either their own or another child's pee, an accident could easily result in several children leaving the party early.

 

I can't say I would feel comfortable asking parents to send their child in pull ups (though I sometimes get close when  host a coffee morning with lots of toddlers)  but I would not be offended if someone else did. There have been plenty of occasions, I have required my almost trained child to wear a back up (either pull up, absorbent training pants or liners which stick in their usual undies), the pool required a swim nappy till 3 which was well after DD trained.

 

That said I can also see why you would not want to put a pull up on a child who is upset by the idea, nor would I take a child to a party and expect them not to go on the bouncy house, that sounds like a recipe for a distressed child.

post #10 of 26

I agree that the friend is being unreasonable. I'd skip the party.  I also wouldn't try to tell anyone else how they had to parent at my house. I could see telling the children at the bounce house "you must go pee before you get in!"  but that's it.

post #11 of 26

Unreasonable.  I'd never dictate someone's potty training or other personal things in my house and would be appalled if someone did this to me. When you have a toddler you expect these things to happen.  He's going to be in underwear and pants - what exactly is going to puddle? In the unfortunate and unlikely chance of an accident, his clothing would be wet but there would be no puddling in the bounce house unless you have him drink a gallon of water before entering....I'd skip the party, take him somewhere else fun and enjoy.  No sense going to a party where you need to make him uncomfortable wearing a pull up or have to keep him from joining the other kids.

post #12 of 26

I would point out to your friend that kids who still wear diapers also leak through their clothes sometimes (or have a poop-splosion!). Will there be a schedule for diaper changing for them?

 

It sounds like a stressful time for both you and your son, I agree with skipping it.

post #13 of 26

I'm adding my voice to those who feel your friend is being unreasonable. It's a toddler's party, so some kid pees, so what?! Wipe it and play on.  My problem is your friend comes off as controlling saying "either my way or no way". I get it's her house, but dictating what a younger guest must wear as underwear, really? bigeyes.gif

 

BTW I usually do what someone above mentioned, just take her regularly to the toilet so her bladder remains relatively empty.  So far friends have been supportive (especially since DD peed on some of their floors). If some would dictate something like that to me, I'd decide if I'd go to the party depending on how they said it (apologetic and embarrassed about it then I might humor them, or matter-of-factly in a this-is-how-it's-going-to-be-done them maybe not so much).

post #14 of 26

Wow, so I love reading everyone's comments this early in the morning whistling.gif

How old is your child......I didn't see that on here....

 

So I can see both sides...........the mom who spent almost $300 to reserve the bounce perhaps (that's how much it costs by us)...........and the risk of having to shut it down if there is an accident......but then the other side of.......there may be other kids who can have a potty accident..........(what about using those Gerber super thick training pants....not the rubber, the cloth ones that are super thick....but they only go up to a size three)........but seriously after reading this, my concern would actually be the moon bounce itself........we've been to so many events with bounces and it really has to be monitored well..........the amount of kids in the bounce........how the group should all be same size/age/weight.............time limiits for each group...............we were at some event and it was not monitored and there were some school age kids in the bounce (maybe age 10) and little ones under 2, and when the little one fell over she was almost crushed by the older kids........my kids were in line at the time so I was watching thru the net........SO< how close are you to this friend? If you don't go, you will put a strain on the relationship, if you go with your child in pullups, that will put a strain on the relationship.............I would go, with the pullups........if you were going on an airplane or long car ride right now, would you put on the pull ups for concern of accidents? good luck with whatever you decide.
 

post #15 of 26

are you kidding me? first of all, it's not like they are in the bounce house naked, and peeing directly all over everything (or everyone). he will be in underpants and shorts / pants, right? so that's TWO layers of absorbent material right there. yes, if he has an accident, some may leak out. but it's more likely to be a "squirt" and that's not likely to go any further than his own clothes. 

 

surely this is her very first child's party. she sounds very uptight and inexperienced as a parent. 

 

give me a break. even 5 year olds going to kindergarten can have accidents. it is NO BIG DEAL. hell, even pregnant moms leak pee sometimes. change clothes and move on. if it gets on the bounce house, wipe it up and move on. sheese. keep a spray bottle of vinegar around if she's worried about pee germs.

 

personally, i'd err on the side of taking him to an even more fun bouncy place instead of the party, just on the principle of the whole thing... her dictating to you over this. crazy!

post #16 of 26

ps: $300 for a bounce house is crazy. buy one for about $100 at Toys R Us and you can reuse it for all of your kids parties year after year.

pss: worried about "contaminating" a rented bounce house? get real. have you BEEN IN a rented bounce house? they are dirty, dirty, dirty. they SMELL. do you REALLY think that the bounce house rental people are reinflating the thing after you return it and inspecting it for germs? i guarantee you... NOT!

post #17 of 26

YES, 300 is crazy for those bounces...we've never rented them though.......they are HUGE........the ones at Toys R us are adorable.......perfect for three kids, maybe four...all under the age of six......That's super easy to hose down too. But what Tropicana wrote, that she's probably a first time Mom.....(aren't we all glad we've survived that title wild.gif)
 

post #18 of 26

First thing that comes to mind is... her house, her rules. Maybe there is an extra charge for clean-up for poop and pee issues if not handled properly? Does poop and pee cause more damage than dirt if not cleaned up timely? Maybe it's the company policy of the bounce house rental people to have all kids not potty trained in a diaper or pull up while using their equipment... just in case. Your son is only a week into potty training. Sounds like he is doing well with it so far. I wouldn't call him potty trained just yet though. You said he is 99%, not 100%. What if he or another kid DOES have an accident while in the BH? What about all the jumping kids in the bounce house with them? Usually the discovery of a kid having an accident is after it has already taken place. Imagine pee and/or poop in a bounce house with say 10 kids jumping all over. They will get it on them too. Now, the issue isn't just cleaning up your kid and a puddle, it's cleaning up all the kids that got excrement on them too. And if that happens, all that stuff will be scattered all over the bounce house. That would be a nightmare and would take away from the party. I don't blame her for not wanting that to happen.

 

I don't think either one of you is being unreasonable. She doesn't want a potential mess and you don't want your son to regress with potty training. You can either comply with her wishes or not go. If it were me, I'd explain to my son what the rules are and base my decision on what he is comfortable with doing.

post #19 of 26

Wow, some of the responses are shocking.

 

"I agree that the friend is being unreasonable. I'd skip the party.  I also wouldn't try to tell anyone else how they had to parent at my house. I could see telling the children at the bounce house "you must go pee before you get in!"  but that's it."

 

How is she telling the OP how to parent?

 

"Unreasonable.  I'd never dictate someone's potty training or other personal things in my house and would be appalled if someone did this to me. When you have a toddler you expect these things to happen.  He's going to be in underwear and pants - what exactly is going to puddle? In the unfortunate and unlikely chance of an accident, his clothing would be wet but there would be no puddling in the bounce house unless you have him drink a gallon of water before entering....I'd skip the party, take him somewhere else fun and enjoy.  No sense going to a party where you need to make him uncomfortable wearing a pull up or have to keep him from joining the other kids."

 

The friend isn't dictating the OP's potty training. She's dictating the rules of the bounce house that's in her house, that she paid for. Underwear and clothes don't hold much, btw.

 

"I'm adding my voice to those who feel your friend is being unreasonable. It's a toddler's party, so some kid pees, so what?! Wipe it and play on.  My problem is your friend comes off as controlling saying "either my way or no way". I get it's her house, but dictating what a younger guest must wear as underwear, really? bigeyes.gif"

 

The OP's friend is controlling? I don't see it that way at all. It also doesn't sound like she had a my way or no way attitude. But, again, it is HER house. Have you ever gone to a public pool or splash pad? Ever see the signs that read children who are still in diapers or potty training must be in a swim diaper? Do you have a problem with THAT?

 

"are you kidding me? first of all, it's not like they are in the bounce house naked, and peeing directly all over everything (or everyone). he will be in underpants and shorts / pants, right? so that's TWO layers of absorbent material right there. yes, if he has an accident, some may leak out. but it's more likely to be a "squirt" and that's not likely to go any further than his own clothes."

 

You have no way of knowing it will be just a squirt. What if it's more than that?

 

"surely this is her very first child's party. she sounds very uptight and inexperienced as a parent."

 

Ouch. Yikes, judge much? Do you know this woman at all?

post #20 of 26

I agree with JollyGG and LaughingHyena here - you're both being reasonable, which means the best thing to do is probably to skip this party. 

 

Plus, you just started this this past Monday?  So, eight days ago?  I'm glad it's going well, but in my experience, it can go any direction from here.  Potty training is not necessarily a linear or predictable process, and a kid who just quit Pullups last week is not low risk for accidents when distracted by a party and (probably) hopped on sugar.

 

I can see why your friend would prefer to limit the risk of potty accidents in a crowded bounce house.  That's really not a crazy thing, even if she's not responsible for cleaning it out.  Adding liquids to that situation is an additional risk for injury, and it's an unpleasant early end to the birthday if half a dozen kids come out of that thing with pee smeared all over.

 

It's no skin off your back, really, to admit that potty training can be an awkward stage in a kid's social life, and plan to skip some parties while you get that nailed down really solidly.

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