The title of your thread grabbed my attention and I wanted to speak up in support. I'm an international adoptee so I don't know how much I would be able to find if I ever were to go look. Growing up I had a lot of anger towards biomom and over the years my feelings about being adopted have changed. Now I feel sorry for her that she felt that that was her only option and the only reason I would ever attempt to contact her would be to let her know I turned out okay. I would feel completely weirded out if she contacted me in the way your bio family reached out to you. I would feel like they are overstepping their boundaries, sharing DNA is doesn't give you a right to leave and barge in whenever is convenient.
I feel the same about there not being room for another relationship, I just can't picture how it would work, would we send each other christmas cards? I don't want to know her or her reason(s) and maybe that's some remaining anger or resentment but that's what I feel is best for me right now.
dakipode and mom0810, I just want to send some big hugs your way Your adoptive parents are absolutely your real parents and you have every right in the world to set boundaries especially about who you have contact with. I definitely hear some remaining anger and resentment in your post, dakipode. I hope that it continues to get better but it may never truly be all the way gone.
I am a bio-mom. I love my bio-daughter very much and she was placed in an open adoption at birth. Both her parents were present for the birth and I asked her mom to cut the umbilical cord as I felt that this was a lovely form of symbolism - transferring from one mother to another. I nurtured her in my body, taking extra care to make sure I did everything I could to give her a healthy outcome. I was quite young, poor and my husband had left me just three months into the pregnancy. I felt that the only way to give this beautiful child the best life possible was to place her with people who had the means to provide for her in a way I could only dream about at the time. Unfortunately her parents closed the adoption as soon as it was final and I have never seen her again. Bio-daughter's aunt (bio-daughter's mom's sister) has remained in contact with me. I email with her about once a year for updates and pictures. I have provided all my contact information so that if bio-daughter would like to meet me or her 5, soon to be 6, siblings she can do so without having to look very hard. My children have all grown up knowing about the adoption placement. I hope that bio-daughter will be happy and well adjusted with no major baggage surrounding the placement. If she wants to contact me to tell me that she turned out alright, I will be thrilled. If she never wants to contact me, I will understand. I am also open to various degrees of contact.
mom0810 Maybe you could start a website that collects stories from happy adoptees?
Edited by pattimomma - 8/26/13 at 2:27pm