Sometimes I just hate my life. On the outside everyone thinks I am doing super awesome. After all I wanted to divorce right? I chose freedom from a disrespectful lieing, cheater. I have peace now, right? No one cares what is going on with me. I am pretty much alone. And I hate it. I have no real person I can vent to freely, let my hopes and fears out without being judged. I don't want counseling again. I went during the divorce and it got so boring. I want a friend. I have tried to make friends and it is just so darn hard with kids. Support groups are okay but always super Christian and I cannot be open enough about my life in them. Then I feel defective. For, wanting friends. Obviously I am not strong enough, obviously I am needy, for needing support, right? I tried to open up to a relative about some issues regarding my ex and I was told to just get over it. 9 months out from the divorce and I am suppose to just be all hunky dory, and I rarely complain or vent these days about the ex these days to anyone. I am super depressed about not working and providing for the kids and relying on the ex. I try to be grateful for the fact that my ex actually pays me and it is enough to live on, and I am back in college and hopefully have a decent job in a year, but it is just so frustrating. And I know now that when people say that single parenting is hard they are not just talking about the financial aspect. I know now why so many people get in relationships so fast after a breakup/divorce. I know with my ex I did not have a support system back then and jumped into a relationship a year after my mom died. And nothing has changed. I am Learning a lot about myself though. This self proclaimed introvert/hermit actually craves human companionship, I realize that now that I have truly been single for some months now.
End of vent