Today was a bad day tantrum wise. My two nieces were visiting 13y and 11y and they fight a lot hurting each other. The younger one has a long history of having tantrums out of the blue. Mainly to gain attention when she is not the sole focus of everybody else around her. But for me taking care of my own 2 kids (1 and 3) plus keeping the older ones at bait and cooking for 9 people was not so easy. So I thought it would be a good idea to take them out to the playground today. She was riding in the car with her grandma when she almost jumped out of the moving car throwing a fit just because of a little butterfly being in the car. Like that little insect could kill her. At the playground everything was fine and when we wanted to leave she would not get in the car. So I told her she could ride with me but refused and started walking away from us crying, sobbing, making a big fuss. I had to follow her through have the town. She demanded her mom to come and pick her up. (Her mom was at work about an hours drive away and could not have left early even if she wanted to or else lose her job). I tried to explain that to her but she would not listen. She started even getting louder and crying harder. People were already paying attention to us. I told her to get in the car numerous times or else I would just leave her there (which of course I would not have done). She then laid herself halfway in the car and halfway on the sidewalk just so I would not drive away. I basically pushed her in. Then she would not buckle up. So we had another argument about that. I tried to stay calm and I did not raise my voice during all of this but stayed firm with my demands. My mom had driven on to another playground in the woods with my kids since she did not know what was going on. So we went there and my niece then got out of the car, still crying and just throwing her tantrum. I basically ignored it and offered her that she could have some food and drink and also play with us, trying to involve her but she would not hear of it. When it was finally time to go back home she would not get in the car. She threatened me to hit and kick me. Despite her being just 11y/o, she is almost as tall as me but heavier set so she would physically outmatch me. She kept repeating over and over again just like a broken record that her mom has to come to pick her up. All the while crying, kicking, screaming loudly. It took me a long time to coax her into getting into the car to go home. My sister told me that stuff like this is going on daily and that her own daughter beats her. What the heck? I felt so powerless in this difficult situation and since this is not my own child - heck, I did just not know what to do. I was responsible for her well being so I could not just leave her there in the woods even though I really wanted to. When we got back I sent her to the guest bedroom where they were staying to wait for her mom to come. She arrived shortly after but my niece totally refused to even talk to her and instead was having another fit. To be honest I don't want my niece in my house anymore. She is upsetting my kids who don't really understand what is going on yet. On another occasion I kicked them out once already because of this. As she is getting older it is getting worse and the fits seem to last longer and they are about such trivial things.
How would I handle situations like this in a better way? I am close to my sister and she and her daughters stay the night sometimes during school vacations when she has to work. I want to help them but not at sacrificing my own time in such a way that prevents me from looking after my own children and possibly someone getting hurt. Sorry for this long post. I just had to get it out.