I have a mother's helper/babysitter that comes over once a week for three hours. Normally, I don't leave the house, I just do my exercise or clean or take a long (alone) shower, etc. A couple of times, when either infant or infant and toddler went down for naps while she was here, I ran to the store for a few minutes. She's been coming since dh left in February. Infant is almost 8 months and still exclusive bfing, which I don't have any kind of a problem with. Toddler(22months) and ds (5 years) are both fine with her.
Heck, toddler even goes to sleep with her here w/o nursing!! She's CPR certified, etc. I trust her with the kids. But infant doesn't want to have anything to do with her. After I pick up sitter and we come back to the house, if she tries to get dd out of her carseat, she screams. Yesterday, I was working out and dd woke up from a nap and sitter went to get her and she freaked out....
I have not been out alone with my dh since before our son was born. He will be six in November. I foster a strong attachment in our children, I do believe that it's important...but I would like to have a night out with my husband. Go to a nice restaurant, sit through a meal and talk, like adults. Maybe have a glass of wine. Relax and just be together. But it feels like my children will never let this happen. He gets home in June sometime. I am going to schedule a date for us. If we have to go out later in the evening so that the older two are already in bed, that's fine. But with infant freaking out when she even sees the sitter, and not eating any solids, and of course, refusing ebm from a bottle, I don't see it happening. I'm frustrated by this. I want my children to feel secure in their attachment to me, but going to the hospital to have a baby does NOT count as a date!!! I don't care how much in love with your children you are, there are times when you NEED adult time....We've tried having a *date* at the house after the kids are in bed, but somehow they always seem to know, and refuse to go to bed, or get up after only being in bed 30-45 minutes and that just ruins the whole thing. I WANT THIS.....I want to dress up (maybe even in a NON NURSING dress, seeing as how I haven't worn anything that I couldn't nurse in for over five years!!!) and go out to a nice restaurant and enjoy a nice meal with my husband. Am I expecting too much? Is this just it? Is this all there is? Nursing clothes and spit up and diapers and meals eaten half cold or not at all and more nursing and more diapers and reminders for ds to chew with his mouth closed??? Shouldn't there be more? Shouldn't I be able to expect some time with my husband?
It's April. We have about 6-8 weeks before dh is due home (of course, subject to change at any time!). How can I work with dd to get her used to sitter? How can I get her eating/drinking something other than me? It's not like I want to stay out all night drinking/etc...just 2-3 hours for dinner is all I'm asking......Does anyone have any suggestions? Ideas? Or am I just being unreasonable and I should just give it up???
Thanks, Florence
Heck, toddler even goes to sleep with her here w/o nursing!! She's CPR certified, etc. I trust her with the kids. But infant doesn't want to have anything to do with her. After I pick up sitter and we come back to the house, if she tries to get dd out of her carseat, she screams. Yesterday, I was working out and dd woke up from a nap and sitter went to get her and she freaked out....
I have not been out alone with my dh since before our son was born. He will be six in November. I foster a strong attachment in our children, I do believe that it's important...but I would like to have a night out with my husband. Go to a nice restaurant, sit through a meal and talk, like adults. Maybe have a glass of wine. Relax and just be together. But it feels like my children will never let this happen. He gets home in June sometime. I am going to schedule a date for us. If we have to go out later in the evening so that the older two are already in bed, that's fine. But with infant freaking out when she even sees the sitter, and not eating any solids, and of course, refusing ebm from a bottle, I don't see it happening. I'm frustrated by this. I want my children to feel secure in their attachment to me, but going to the hospital to have a baby does NOT count as a date!!! I don't care how much in love with your children you are, there are times when you NEED adult time....We've tried having a *date* at the house after the kids are in bed, but somehow they always seem to know, and refuse to go to bed, or get up after only being in bed 30-45 minutes and that just ruins the whole thing. I WANT THIS.....I want to dress up (maybe even in a NON NURSING dress, seeing as how I haven't worn anything that I couldn't nurse in for over five years!!!) and go out to a nice restaurant and enjoy a nice meal with my husband. Am I expecting too much? Is this just it? Is this all there is? Nursing clothes and spit up and diapers and meals eaten half cold or not at all and more nursing and more diapers and reminders for ds to chew with his mouth closed??? Shouldn't there be more? Shouldn't I be able to expect some time with my husband?
It's April. We have about 6-8 weeks before dh is due home (of course, subject to change at any time!). How can I work with dd to get her used to sitter? How can I get her eating/drinking something other than me? It's not like I want to stay out all night drinking/etc...just 2-3 hours for dinner is all I'm asking......Does anyone have any suggestions? Ideas? Or am I just being unreasonable and I should just give it up???
Thanks, Florence
I think the fact that the date is not for 6-8 weeks makes it a definate go!
First of all your baby is at the age for major stranger anxiety and separation anxiety. It would be harder to leave her now. I think it will be easier in two months. There's no need to teach her to eat or take a bottle. When she's 9 or 10 months old she can go a while without eating and you can leave a bottle or sippy cup of expressed milk just in case. That way you'll know if she really needs it, she has it. For now (especially because this is such a stranger/separation anxiety intense age) I wouldn't try to push the mothers helper on her. I think if you try to make her "get used" to her it will only make it worse. If you just let the mother's helper mostly deal with the older two that way the baby's still feeling secure because she still has you and she'll be able to get to know the mother's helper at her own pace. If you weren't ready to leave the baby I'd say take your time. However, you sound very ready for a fun date alone w/dh and you most certainly deserve it!
