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Cesarean Birth Recovery & Support Thread 10 (April/May 2004) - Page 9

post #161 of 202
Thanks y'all. By the light of day I feel better. I know what you mean about hindsight, and when I'm in a more positive mood I focus on the here and now--after all, platitude or not, DD is here and she is healthy--and on next time, which is still several years down the road.

The MANA website has a table on the legality of homebirth state to state, and for many states it includes a link to the relative laws. In AZ, direct entry midwives must be licensed, and are not allowed to attend a birth for a woman who has had any kind of uterine surgery, including C-section. This doesn't mean a HBAC is illegal, just that the usual homebirth attendant can't attend one. Theoretically an MD can, but good luck finding an OB or FP who'll do housecalls. Unassisted is still a possibility.
post #162 of 202
I guess I'm in the minority. I thought my body and baby were ready for the induction. Tracy was posterior. But I didn't know how to try and turn him and my ob wouldn't listen and said I had no way of knowing...maybe the back labor was a good sign....

Anyway, I don't know why it went like it did. I was 40 weeks when I had my c/b with Bryce and he showed no signs of dropping and was also posterior. I wonder if it IS my body. If I get pg again...in the distant future if ever again... I plan to vbac... well, I intended it this time but changed my mind. But I have confidence that my body can do it...now I do... It's like I needed one more c/b to feel ready to vbac... does that make sense??
post #163 of 202
thanks for the info. Ravin, I have searched alot but keep coming up with really confusing pages..i hope you can find some peace and healing in this thread btw. I know it's helped me tremendously.

its_our_family- i totally know how you feel. i feel like my c/s has given me great courage in a wierd sort of way.

wrensmom-i did not listen to my instincts regarding my birth and now regret that. DH rationalizes by saying things like "what would have happened if we had the UC and you needed the c/s?" it's a hard question to answer. one I really have no answer for.
post #164 of 202
Good Day beautiful c-section mamas!!!

Man, I wish I had looked here for support years ago!!!! Kinsey, it can take a really long time to recover emotionally from c-section when you are so geared toward anything but! Allow yourself PLENTY of time to heal. My ds is 3 and I still have trouble with it. The thing that I've learned is that the more I tell my story the better I feel and I don't really care if my friends/family are sick of hearing it!!!

I had planned a homebirth. I had a midwife, doula, dh, and best friends in attendance for my "birth". After 12 hours of PUSHING, I finally started screaming "Get me a knife!!! I'll get it out!!!" That's when they finally took me to the hospital. After having been in labor for 36 hours and pushing for 12 of those, I was ready for anything and everything necessary to end my suffering. I had done everything ahead of time to avoid medical intervention, but in the end it was what saved my life.

Still, I felt like my body had failed and that made me a failure as well. How could my body betray me? I had done everything I was supposed to do. I had a beautiful pregnancy and planned a beautiful birth. 3 weeks later I had post partum hemmorhage TWICE! I lost 2/3's of my blood supply and had to have 2 blood transfusions. I very nearly died and had to sign a consent form for an emergency hysterectomy. Luckily that didn't happen.

After all these years, I still struggle with it. My dh and I had wanted a 3 kid family. Now I'm totally terrified of doing it again. I just came from a doctor's appt with my new midwife. She's been counseling me for 2 years now. I've just started entertaining the idea of having another child. I haven't been able to commit to it completely, but at least I've begun healing enough that I can entertain the thought.

Tell your story. Tell it again and again and again. The more you tell it, the madder you get, the better you feel and the less power it has over you. You start to be the one feeling strong and powerful again.

Now that I toy with the idea of trying again I wonder if I would elect for a c-section just to avoid traumatizing myself again or would I actually try a vbac? I can't say. There are risks and complications with both - given my history. People always tell me my ds would love a sibling. My response? Would he rather have a sibling or his mother? But every time I tell my story I feel a little better, a little stronger and a little more in control of the outcome.

Be weak! Cry, be mad. Whatever it takes and some day you will triumph!
Good luck!!!

Many Blessings,
heidi
post #165 of 202
Thread Starter 
Heidi,

OMG, pushing for 12 hours!? I dont see how you lasted that long --

Welcome to all the newcomers, all our welcome on our little thread, whether you are sad, mad, angry, happy or satisfied!

Kim
post #166 of 202
Thread Starter 

What point do you decide, okay, a csection

I am really thinking of getting pregnant again. Had a scare this month, and had mixed emotions. Luckily this slip up gave DH and I an opportunity to think about expanding our family. He is up for another job (please send good job vibes) with more money and if he gets it, we have talked about starting late summer for baby no. 4.

I think about VBAC, though I know its VERY unlikely. I mean everything would have to be perfect for it to happen so I am looking at doing a repeat.

One thing I notice about our forum and others where moms who planned one birth and ended with a csection, the majority of us made a decision at one time or another, that okay we are going for a surgical birth. I am interested in knowing what got you to that point. Fear? Exhausten? Pressure? Gut?

I know for me, up until I went into the ER with Elizabeth I was fighting the csection. (weird transverse breech, failed ECV and other methods) but with Jack, I planned everything out, trusted my instincts and felt very comfortable with my choice.
post #167 of 202
rainbowmoon-you asked how many of us had c/b due to positioning. I was one. He was transverse until 37 wks and finally turned, but about as far away from the birth canal as he could get. I still don't know why...and that's one thing I struggle with. If there had been a REASON I would be totally accepting of the c/b.

I'm hearing a lot of us feel like our bodies failed us. I do too, although I was at the end of my rope and it was my decision not to wait until 44 wks like my doula told me to. I need to believe there is a reason for everything and a purpose, so that's what I'm coming to grips with now. It makes me wonder whether ds will be an only child.

I also feel much of it was my attitude-I was so tense and nervous that something would happen to him in utero that I constantly stressed about every little thing. So going 2 wks "over" was the best I could do to allow my body time; who knows if an extra 2 wks would have made a difference and whether I could have experienced a v/b? Anyone else have the feeling that maybe next time they will be more relaxed, having already had one child? I hope I will.

Anyway, to all. Heidi, I really hear you that telling the story empowers you; nice to have you join us.


Kim-my reason for finally deciding on the c/b was the timing and the fact that I had been so sick. Probably if I'd had a better pregnancy I would have waited it out a bit more.

Rachel
post #168 of 202
to the new people.

Heidi ... 12 hours of pushing? You deserve a medal for that feat alone. I'm impressed, mama. But you are right about the story telling thing. Each time I tell it I have a different range of emotions, and each time I think I grow in my understanding.

Rainbowmoon ... Ds was posterior. I pushed for 2+ hours but didn'r really get any where. Of course no one told me he was posterior until I was nearly fully dilated & pushing. (You'd think the back labor would've clued me in ...) Had I had a less managed birth and been allowed to move around more earlier in my labor, I wonder if we could've convinced ds to rotate.
post #169 of 202
Just posted an update as a new thread but will post here more soon! We're well on our way here, getting closer and closer to what my hilarious husband calls, "The Great Extraction."

He cracks himself up.

Still have many questions, like--do amnios hurt?

More tomorrow after my OB visit.
post #170 of 202
Why I chose a repeat vs VBAC

I think if you just think back about 4.5 months you can remember all of the unanswered questions that I had about vbac. I didn't feel like my heart was in it. I wanted to do it but why?

Was I doing it for myself? Was I trying to prove I could do it...to who, me, you, everyone else? What was my motivation? Was I doing this for my own ego or for the benefit of my child? Did I want a pat on the back from me, my dh, my family, from those here?

I had so many things going through my head in the end that I had to stop and just listen to me, my baby, and my body. Baby was showing me that he was trying to get as far away from the birth canal as possible. He went engaged to just head down and floating, to breech and back again. At the last minute I opted for a repeat.

I liked going vbac because I felt like I had an option. I jsut have this feeling that if I had chosen repeat initially I would have missed out on the labor prep (which I believe helped prepare me for AMAZING birth experience that I had), I wouldn't have been able to change my mind to vbac.

I'm happy with my choice and if I do ever have another baby I intend on vbac-ing...and maybe sticking with it. My pg with Bryce at the end was wonderful. I could have been pregnant for another month and if I wouldn't have chosen a repeat I have no doubt in my mind I would have
post #171 of 202
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnaNicole
Just posted an update as a new thread but will post here more soon! We're well on our way here, getting closer and closer to what my hilarious husband calls, "The Great Extraction."

He cracks himself up.

Still have many questions, like--do amnios hurt?

More tomorrow after my OB visit.
My aunt had one and said it did not.
post #172 of 202
hi mamas!

ok this is slightly off topic, but I thought I'd share anyway

i've decided to finish my bellycast this weekend! (sanding,plastering & painting) it's been sitting here for almost 3 months and I've barely been able to look at it until now as it just made me so sad. one, because I am missing being pregnant so much! it's the wierdest thing! also (and more importantly) i guess it just symbolizes all the hope,expectations,etc I had for my myself & our birth during my pregnancy. Anyway I'm really ready to try to move past that, and I'm hoping this will help as a form of*art therapy* and get me to the point where I feel no shame looking at it. I have been planning to put ds's footprints on it and some other stuff that is sentimental to our pregnancy but now I also think I am going to include a c/s incision and the kanji symbol for courage...hopefully i don't mess it up. I'm still trying to decide what colors to use (been thinking about it for months actually.lol-I'm so indecisive!) I will post a pic when it's finished!
post #173 of 202
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowmoon
hi mamas!
because I am missing being pregnant so much!
Hey - I thought I was the only one! Everyone else always seems so happy to not be pregnant anymore, but I really miss it. For the first week or so, I even had "phantom baby movements" in my belly, like those phantom limb pains that amputees have.

In other news, I continue to recover well, physically. I'm doing okay emotionally too, although I think I've got my own rebound reaction still to come. I processed my situation, made my choices, had a good c-section birth, and felt pretty positive about it in the moment. But I'm still sad about missing out on a vaginal birth. I used to love reading people's birth stories, and now I don't even look at them - they make me too jealous. (Although reading some of the stories here, I am reminded that not all vaginal births are good either...)
post #174 of 202
Ok I just found this link and need to tell my story. I got pg with ds#1 and felt great, I was working full-time and not having any problems until I was about 29-30 weeks. I woke up in the middle of the night with contactions. I drank about 40 oz's of water and they wouldn't go away off to the hosptial I went. I was have CTX every 3-6 min and they were up in the 100+ range, though I didn't feel that bad. I got the Mag and breathine shot. I was in the hosptial for 4 LONG days. I was sent home on bedrest. With Breathine pills to take every 4-6 hours and home monitoring. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. Man was I bored So at 34 weeks my OB takes me off the meds and I go into Labor (surprise!) We get to the hospital and they say, nope to early, baby is face up and stop my labor yet again and put me back on the Breathine (WTH was I taken off) So at 37 weeks I go off it again. Now in this time the contractions have done NOTHING for me. I go to the hosptial about 3-4 more times and get sent home. At 42 weeks they decide to induce. I got there and they did the cervical gel, which hurt BAD, I think it was in wrong. And I start progressing then they do the pit. I was ok, walking around watching the monitors, going to the bathroom, BTW I also had student nurses and trained them, yes I knew everyone VERY WELL. I go to the bathroom about 4:00 and my water breaks, it's green. I tell the nurse and she tries to tell me it is a bowel movement, umm NO. So they monitor me a bit more closely and I go on, I am dilating well when Joshua's heart rate starts dropping with each contraction, DH and I notice this, but the nurses just roll me on my side and give my oxygen. Yep doesn't help. So they call the Dr and he is worried about Josh, as I was, and say I can go a bit longer to see how we progress, I progressed well, I went from a 4 to an 8 in 20 minutes, Josh, not so well. Off to the OR we go, I am having CTX on top of CTX trying to handle it and I hear the Dr come in and ask if I am ready and teh Anth says yes, then I hear, no she isn't out yet don't cut! YIKES! Then I wake up in recovery, Josh was in NICU you as he had the Merc and I was stuck in recovery as my bp had sky rocketed after the surgery. This was around 11 pm. I finally got to hold Josh at about 5 in the morning and started nursing I have to say the nursing staff was WONDERFUL. They supported me in everyway. I am just a bit upset about the progression

DS#2 -- I went with a planned one. Started with the same OB and he wanted me to try VBAC, but I was unsure. PLUS my scar is a bit below belly button to PAST my pubic bone, I guess the OB that did my C/B is famous for this. Well then 2 mo after we find out I am pg, DH gets sick and we get told he has cancer, he doesn't but does have sarcoid. Then my company gets bought out, and my OB QUITS!!!!! So I move to someone else in the practice, who unbeknownst to me is new. With the stress and such we opt for the planned c/b. Get there the day of it and get going. I had a spinal and off we went. I loved being awake for it and feeling the tugging of Zach coming out HE was perfect, but they thought he was 3 weeks early. Nope sorry, I KNOW when I got pg. He was stuck in special care as he was having problems breathing. I FORCED them to take me to him 2 hours after surgury so I could know he was OK. Dr didn't like that. THEN they tried telling me I couldn't nurse on the morphine, I BLEW a gasket. Next day I am still on ice chips at noon! Dr was like oh yeah you can eat, BTW won the bfing battle! Next day, no visit from the Doctor I was steamed. Needless to say I went back to him only twice. Once for my post-partum and then once because of PPD. He then told me he doesn't treat PPD and would I like to be admited to the hospital until someone can see me???? Ummm No just need something to help with anxiety. Now I have a wonderful OB who takes time to talk to me and listens to what I say. As for if I might try for a VBAC, Don't know will have to think about it.

Man I feel much better and HUGS to EVERYONE!
post #175 of 202
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowmoon
hi mamas!

ok this is slightly off topic, but I thought I'd share anyway

i've decided to finish my bellycast this weekend! (sanding,plastering & painting) it's been sitting here for almost 3 months and I've barely been able to look at it until now as it just made me so sad. one, because I am missing being pregnant so much! it's the wierdest thing! also (and more importantly) i guess it just symbolizes all the hope,expectations,etc I had for my myself & our birth during my pregnancy. Anyway I'm really ready to try to move past that, and I'm hoping this will help as a form of*art therapy* and get me to the point where I feel no shame looking at it. I have been planning to put ds's footprints on it and some other stuff that is sentimental to our pregnancy but now I also think I am going to include a c/s incision and the kanji symbol for courage...hopefully i don't mess it up. I'm still trying to decide what colors to use (been thinking about it for months actually.lol-I'm so indecisive!) I will post a pic when it's finished!
I would love to see a pic. I think I may do this the next pregnancy.
post #176 of 202
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tammylc
Hey - I thought I was the only one! Everyone else always seems so happy to not be pregnant anymore, but I really miss it. For the first week or so, I even had "phantom baby movements" in my belly, like those phantom limb pains that amputees have.

In other news, I continue to recover well, physically. I'm doing okay emotionally too, although I think I've got my own rebound reaction still to come. I processed my situation, made my choices, had a good c-section birth, and felt pretty positive about it in the moment. But I'm still sad about missing out on a vaginal birth. I used to love reading people's birth stories, and now I don't even look at them - they make me too jealous. (Although reading some of the stories here, I am reminded that not all vaginal births are good either...)
Tammy I am glad you are doing well. I know this sounds horrible but I went and read traumatic vaginal birth stories on one of those mainstream sites for awhile to make me aware that not everything is perfect on the other side. (and maybe feel a little better) I better go get me two flame suits incase this ends up somewhere else at MDC.


When do we see more pics of those babies and were is KKmama?! I want to know if she VBACed.
post #177 of 202
Thread Starter 
Welcome Jessica!
post #178 of 202
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheFence
Welcome Jessica!
Sniff THANKS!!!
post #179 of 202
I had my OB appointment today and we decided we're going to try a Vbac . I guess he's strongly for them and said he was very disappointed more women didn't consider it an option (I guess most women just march in and demand another section). I've had an open attitude all along, not trying to get my hopes up one way or another (it didn't help a couple of Dr's at the prenatal clinic basically said I have a 99% chance of another section ).

I have an appointment August 3rd for an assesment and they're going to take it from there. He said they really wouldn't know until I'm actually in labor if I'm going to have the same problems. I almost felt like crying because I was so sure it was going to be a definate repeat, but now I feel so many emotions about it. I don't fear giving birth as much this time, which is a good thing, but I still wonder if I can do it.

Everyone thinks I'm nuts for wanting to do this (family, ect...) but I think it's important for me to at least try
post #180 of 202
Thread Starter 
Carla,

Good for you! Well start studying, reading and practicing for that VBAC!
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