Cesarean Birth Recovery & Support Thread 10 (April/May 2004) - Page 3

[its_our_family]

Congrats Tammy..... our ds's share a b-day (2 yrs apart )

[loftmama]

thanks, on the fence, for passing on that story of the woman in the car accidents. somehow, i find it affirming or validating or something, to know that that possibility does exists. it makes me feel like exhaling, relief, or something.

[loftmama]

OTF, do you know how the docs knew about the broken bone blocking the pelvis?

[OnTheFence]

Originally Posted by loftmama

OTF, do you know how the docs knew about the broken bone blocking the pelvis?

Previous reconstruction surgery.
My sister used to be a L&D nurse and she said that for people who had been in car accidents, etc. it wasnt uncommon.

[Kiki Runs]

Whew! Sorry it's been so long since I posted here. I have been reading the thread, it's just taking me a little longer to organize my thoughts. It seems like every birth story I read, I have to stop and think about my own (again), get through that, THEN I can think about the story I'm reading.

Actually, I'm pretty proud of myself for even being able to read the darn things and participate in this thread w/out getting angry and sad again.

Wrensmom said: "The doc came in and said they would let me labor for half an hour to see if I would dilate. Mean while he stood in the room and commented on how big my baby looked and wondered if it was due to gestational diabetes. Insinuated that I some how caused this huge baby from eating the wrong things. Even if he thought that he should have taken it outside of my room. Especially since they were already talking about a c-section if things didn't improve. " Sorry - can't figure out how to quote properly.

WTF???!! You are sooo right - he should have taken that out of the room. I can remember at some point after I got my epidural (in and out of sleep after that point), my mom and the nurse over in a corner of my room whispering to each other. I TOTALLY knew they were talking about me (I mean, really, were they exchanging cookie recipes?). I YELLED at them to either say it to me, or get the heck out of my room. They tried to tell me they weren't talking about me, but later Mom admitted that the nurse was telling her she should "try to talk me into a c/s". This was after the doc had mentioned it and I freaked out. GRRRRR. Just b/c I am in labor does NOT mean I have lost brain function. I knew it was about me, which made me even more upset and distracted.

Allie - PLEASE do not feel you let down the natural birth community. First of all, your duty is not to any sort of community - it's to yourself! I remember how guilty I felt after Will's birth. I called my sister (she's a doula and had planned to be there with me, but couldn't make it). Actually, I had my mom call her and tell her Will was born, but I couldn't get up the nerve to call myself for a couple days. I, too, felt I had let her down, and was afraid she would be angry with me (WHAT?!?! How ridiculous - now.). Of course, when I called, she was completely supportive and I felt stupid for ever doubting her.

Actually, when I called her, I had to psych myself up, got all my defenses all lined up so that I could say I did everything I could - the c/s was inevitable (denial, much?). She listened and supported me. About three months later, we talked about it again and by that time, I was angry and had realized the c/s was NOT necessary. She said she knew and could tell I was rationalizing after Will's birth, but I needed to find my own way through the healing process. What a good sister!

To whomever said it would be a good idea to label it a "c/birth" vs a c/s (sorry, I can't remember right now) : I know. You're totally right. I'm just not quite okay enough with it yet to do that. For me, it still feels like something that was done TO me, not a birth where I was a participant. KWIM? So for now, I'll keep referring to my c/s as a c/s. I'll try not to label anyone else's that though. I'm glad so many other mamas have been able to own their c/births. I'm working on it.

Keep healing and love on those babies!

[wrensmom]

Thank you mamas for your support. It really means alot to me.

AllieRose-whew! It is one thing to have these things happen to you but another when your kid is a stake. It is very intimidating in the hospital and usually after birth you are so tired it is hard to put up much of a fight. Plus, unless you've researched everything that could happen ahead of time it is hard to make informed decisions. You only know what you are being told by the staff.
I'm sorry to hear that you are still having issues with your pelvic floor on top of recovering from major abdominal surgery. You are fortunate to have such a loving and patient husband. Sex for me is still a little painful/uncomfortable at first and I have to really relax into things. I'm not sure if it really has anything to do with the labor since she didn't even come down the canal at all. I think mine is more emotional.
I don't feel like I let down the natural birthing community and you should not either. I do feel alienated from it.

Kinsey43-I'm sorry that nurse was trying to convince your mom to convince you to have a c-section. More importantly doing it in front of you as if you were not there!!! SO disrespectful. I'm glad you yelled at them to say it to you or get out of the room. Off topic a little, when a person is dying the last thing to go is their hearing. Same thing for very sick people or healthy people deeply in the midst of laborland.
What a fabulous and wise sister you have!!!

I was reading one of Tammy's posts about how she was struggling with not being able to go through the birthing rite of passage. I'm parapharsing, but instead of birthing this child a man in a white coat would be pulling the babe out of her. I have to agree. I have my labor experience but not my pushing/birth experience. I had thought about the pushing out a baby part of a birth since I was a child. There are other rites of passages I do have like nursing and being a mom but pushing out the babe is not one of them.

take care mamas

[wrensmom]

OTF- I got my surgery report from the doctor and the reason for the c-section was arrest of dialation. So who knows. The midwives didn't really have an answer. I think it a combo of big baby, small woman and most importantly a op malpositioned babe.

AllieRose- Yes, sounds like you also had a big babe for a small woman.

I do believe that I could have birthed her vaginally. I just think she needed to be in an optimal position since she didn't have alot of wiggle room.

[liam's mom]

Hello, ladies. Just subscribing to this thread. I don't have time to post Liam's birth story right now, but suffice it to say I am still very upset about it. He turns one in a matter of days and all I can think about it the birth (and the aftermath; he had complications and was in the NICU for five days).

Anyway, I am hoping to pop back on here later this evening to read more and maybe share the labor and birth story.

I wish somehow I could get over everything, but I can't. And the fact that it's been almost a year and I still feel so awful about it just makes everything worse. I thought I'd feel better by now.

[mamasarah]

hi, i just wanted to join this thread with the hopes i can help others through what can be a very emotional, painful recovery.

i had a c-birth in 7/02 and am still healing. reading some of your stories makes me want to cry...it is so hard. i just want any of the newbies here to know that i am here for you anytime to talk about it. my process has been very long, and while i am in a muuuuch better place i still have moments of anger& sadness. i know now, though, that i am at a point where i can help others.

love to all of you goddesses out there.

[tammylc]

Hi everyone, and thanks for the good wishes. I was all set to post something last night, but then the baby woke up, and you all know how the rest of *that* story goes!

First off - sympathies to everyone for some of the horrible c-section stories posted recently. I feel awful for all of you. It makes me feel a little bit guilty posting about my experience, because so far it's been overwhelmingly positive.

Of course, there's a big difference between a scheduled CS and an emergency one, and I'm really glad that I had that 2 weeks of knowing it might happen and 1 week of knowing it definitely would happen to work through my own emotional issues. I did a lot of online journaling during that period of time (www.livejournal.com/users/tammylc) that let me grieve the loss my homebirth and prepare myself for what was going to come.

Because of that process, I woke up on Monday morning feeling nothing except excitement and anticipation about meeting my baby. I talked and joked with the nurses and doctors and techs as I was being prepped for surgery.

I got a little more scared once I was in the OR, of course. It was really, really cold and I got the shakes right away. When they went to put the spinal in, they missed on the first attempt and had to try again. Which sounds like it would be absolutely awful, but was really only a little pain in my right leg, and an extra bruise on my spine. (OTF - my hospital routinely uses a 4-hour block to allow extra time during surgery without having to resort to a general - thought you'd appreciate that bit of info.)

The spinal started to kick in and I was lied down on the operating table. I was shaking really badly - the cold, the drugs, low blood sugar, fear, worry and anticipation. The put a "bear hugger" on me. This was a plastic/paper blanket that stretched out over my arms and chest. It had hot air pumped through it that kept my core temperature up and made me much more comfortable. The disadvantage is that it meant that my arms were pretty much strapped down, so DH couldn't hold my hand and I didn't get a chance to touch the baby until recovery. But for me, I think it was a worthwhile tradeoff - if I'd been fighting to stay warm, I wouldn't have been able to be focused about the birth and the baby. I also used my breathing techniques from childbirth class to try to relax and center, and that was helpful as well.

They brought my husband in immediately after they made the first incision. He'd been getting very stressed waiting in the hallway. It took a little longer than I'd expected for them to get the baby out, but it was still probably only 15 minutes or so.

As the baby was breech, even before he was all the way out, the doctor announced that he could see a scrotum. I was a little surprised, as I had pretty much convinced myself that we were going to have a girl.

Liam gave a big wail as soon as they got him fully out of my uterus. He was typical blue baby when they held him up over the screen for me to see, but by the time they got him to the warmer (just seconds later) he was bright pink, and lustily screaming away. Apgar scores were 9/9. DH went over to the warmer immediately and touched and rubbed Liam's skin while the docs were doing all of their checks.

It took a little longer than I had hoped for him to be brought over to me, and like I said, I couldn't move my arms to touch him, but DH held him right up to my face so I could look at his adorable little face. Things got a little unfocused after that. I tried to really look at and pay attention to the baby, but it was difficult to keep my head turned to the side, and I was zoning out a little bit.

When they were almost done, DH and Liam were taken back to the recovery room. The docs finished sewing me up (double suture inside and staples outside), and then I was transferred back to the stretcher. It was so weird to see my big floppy white legs, but not be able to feel them!

Back in the recovery room, I got to hold my baby for the first time and it was wonderful! You can see the pictures of my blissed out self in the link I sent earlier. We tried to nurse, but had real problems getting latched on. One of my homebirth midwives was in the family waiting room and came down to join us in recovery. Good thing she asked us if we wanted her to take pictures, because that's the last thing DH and I were thinking about, but I'm really glad we've got them. She also tried to get us latched on, but with no luck.

I got Duramorph, which took care of all of my pain for the first day. Had a little bit of nausea in the first couple hours after the surgery and threw up once, after which I was fine on that front. Got up Monday night for a couple of accompanied trips to the bathroom to change pads, but I still had my IV and catheter in. Belly sounds were good, so I got to start drinking water Monday evening. Which was wonderful - I'd been having little daydreams about big glasses of water, and the ice chips just weren't doing the job!

The nurses were impressed with how well I was doing, so they took my cath and IV out before shift change in the morning, and got me on a solid diet startng with breakfast Tuesday. Sometime in the night, they came by and gave me a pack of pills for self administration - tylenol, ibuprofen, stool softeners, gas pills.

I am amazed by how little pain I was and am in. I took Tylenol and Ibuprofen (alternating every two hours). They kept coming by and offering me Percocet, but I just didn't need it. I've continued to be really comfortable - I haven't touched the Vicoden they sent me home with. I've mostly been in bed, hanging with the baby, although I've been getting up and down stairs some.

We hated being in the hospital. Our room in the mother-baby ward was small, and TOO HOT. I spent most of my time mostly naked (good for skin-to-skin contact) because I was so uncomfortable. Good thing I have no shame, as it seemed like every 10 minutes someone else was coming through to take my vitals, or the baby's vitals, or to get our meal order, or to see if I needed pain meds, etc, etc. DH wasn't a huge homebirth supporter before, but after that experience he so totally understands why I wanted to have one, and will be strongly supportive if we end up HBACing sometime in the future.

So we got out as soon as we possibly could. I was doing great - the nurses said that it looked like I was recovering from a vaginal delivery, not a CS - the baby was doing great. The only hitch was that we were having a lot of nursing problems (I'll talk about those in a separate post - this is already too long!). But we decided to go home Wednesday evening anyway, and were happily home by 7 pm.

DH was and still is amazing. We roomed in, and he became an expert diaper changer and baby swaddler while I was still stuck in bed. He remained in good spirits despite being woken up constantly and trying to sleep on that uncomfortable fold down chair. He's absolutely smitten with his little boy and is just an amazing dad.

I remain amazed by how good I feel about the birth, both physically and emotionally. Like I said in the beginning - I'd manage to work out most of my worries and concerns. Never once during the whole experience did I feel sad about the loss of my homebirth. I'd already mourned that loss and moved on to accept and embrace this unexpected path. During the prep and the operation, I was mostly just curious and engaged, as that is my regular modus operandus. After Liam was born it became all about him - meeting him, loving him, learning how to give him what he needs. And transitioning into my new role as a mom, a rite of passage that I'd finally accepted wasn't defined by which hole he came out of.

[LisaG]

Dear Tammy,

Thank you so, so much for taking the time to share your story. Your journey has really touched my heart over the past few weeks, and hearing from you post birth gives me much reassurance.

It's becoming clearer to me that when I get pregnant I will need to let go of the "dream" home birth I always assumed I would have. Long story short, due to the surgery I had done on my uterus, a) it would most likely be a cold day in h*ll before I found a doc (or even a midwife) who would allow a trial of labor and b) I'm having the gut feeling that labor and birth would be more than my uterus could handle after all it's been through. At anyrate, I really related to your process of letting go of what you had so dearly planned for.

The pictures of you, dh and Liam are so sweet. I'm so happy for all of you and so glad to hear that things went smoothly and your recovery is going speedily and well.

Bravo on a job well done - enjoy your babymoon

LisaG

[OnTheFence]

Tammy,

Thank you for sharing your birthstory. Reading it brings back some happy memories for me remembering Jack's birth. Also thanks for sharing the information about your pain relief and getting the duramorph -- great info for other members here. You seem to have made peace and had a positive experience, plus healing well! I am sooo happy for you.

A few questions:
Do you think your nursing problems have to do with your csection or do you think they easily could have happened with a vaginal birth?

Was there any inidication when they opened you up why your baby was breech and why he would not turn?

Congrats again!

[tammylc]

Originally Posted by OnTheFence

Tammy,
A few questions:
Do you think your nursing problems have to do with your csection or do you think they easily could have happened with a vaginal birth?

Was there any inidication when they opened you up why your baby was breech and why he would not turn?

Congrats again!

I think the nursing problems would have happened regardless. Liam has a really small mouth, plus an attached frenulum. Combine these two things, and he has a really hard time latching on and sucking once he gets there. Especially once my milk came in and things got bigger. I think the fact that he didn't nurse at all for the first 29 hours might have been partly because of the CS and not having labor to help him wake up - he spent his whole first day just adjusting to being outside!

As for reasons - I have a *slightly* heart shaped uterus. There was definitely more room on my right side than my left, but the doctor thought it was just as likely that's just because that's where the baby was, so it got stretched out more. While I have a slightly higher likelihood of a subsequent baby being breech, he didn't think it was extreme enough to be a guaranteed thing. And now that I know, if there's a next time, we'll keep a much closer eye on things and try to encourage the baby to be head down much earlier.

[LisaG]

Originally Posted by tammylc

I think the nursing problems would have happened regardless. Liam has a really small mouth, plus an attached frenulum.

Tammy,

FYI - my former business partner is a lactation consultant and she did her master's thesis on developing an diagnostic protocol for tongue tie. At anyrate, all that to say it really can make a world of difference with breastfeeding (and later on with eating solids and speech) to have the frenulum snipped. It is a relatively simple and easy process - the frenulum is minimally innervated so anesthesia is not required. We have a local dentist that she refers her clients to.

Good luck and take care!

LisaG

[tammylc]

Thanks Lisa - everything I've read about the snipping indicates the same thing. Our pediatrician said he was "slightly tongue-tied" and was just planning on keeping on eye on it, but if the LC I'm seeing today thinks that it's part of the problem, I'm going to ask my ped to make me a referral to get it done right away.

I'm using nipple shields right now, and with those he's nursing like a champ, but I want to get him weaned off of them asap.

[OnTheFence]

Dear Tammy,

I was just curious because Elizabeth, who I had more drugs with had no problems but Jack did not nurse well the first 2 days after birth. He didnt even really latch on good until he was 13 hours old -- and I had no pre-op drugs at all with him and no post op drugs. The lactation consultant said some boys are just "lazy" nursers after birth. I guess its just one of the crap shoot things.

Do you think you will investigate further your "heart shaped" uterus. Mine is heart shaped but I do not have a full septum and one side is also bigger. Jack was head down, but his head was cocked to the side and shoulder presenting against the cervix, his body swinging to the right. He wouldnt have budged either had I gone into labor. He was stuck just like my breech baby and they even had trouble getting him out during the csection. I was wondering if in your next pregnancy if you would do an US to check for this kind of positioning, etc. Also, have you ever had a miscarriage before? I ask because I know that for me when implantation is at the top of the heart their are often problems and the embryo/fetus cannot survive. I will say that my OB said that if I ever had a baby that was the right size and head presenting against the cervix I could have a vaginal delivery but that my risks would be greater for rupture.

I'm long winded today!

[OnTheFence]

Originally Posted by LisaG

Tammy,

FYI - my former business partner is a lactation consultant and she did her master's thesis on developing an diagnostic protocol for tongue tie. At anyrate, all that to say it really can make a world of difference with breastfeeding (and later on with eating solids and speech) to have the frenulum snipped. It is a relatively simple and easy process - the frenulum is minimally innervated so anesthesia is not required. We have a local dentist that she refers her clients to.

Good luck and take care!

LisaG

Lisa could you point me in the direction of more info on this. Jack has had all kinds of problems with eating solids and now is having problems with speech. He understands speech and jabbers but cant understand a word of it. I see him struggling. I have called EI several times with no call back. Which pisses me off.

Kim

[AnaNicole]

Tammy, it was wonderful to read your birth story! Thanks so much for sharing it.

One question--I keep hearing accounts in which husbands are not present during the administration of anesthesia. Is this protocol for most hospitals? Why? I don't want that (and have written my birth plan to reflect that wish). I haven't yet spoken with my OB about it but I will when I see him on Thursday, and I do know that my hospital is more progressive than most. It's the one where the nurses stood up against circumcision, after all.

But still.....

As for my impending delivery, I am not 100% sure, yet (and won't be until Thursday) but expect that we will be scheduling the delivery for May 24th. Three weeks from today! Whoa. I am so ready to meet this little guy, but I'm trying not to be impatient. I would like to enjoy these final weeks of my final pregnancy....

[tammylc]

Don't know about most hospitals, but it was certainly protocol for mine. My hubby is very squeamish, so it wasn't something we requested to have different in our birth plan. He has a needle phobia, so seeing them stick me in the spine *twice* probably would have resulted in a husband with a concussion...

[tammylc]

Originally Posted by OnTheFence

Dear Tammy,

I was just curious because Elizabeth, who I had more drugs with had no problems but Jack did not nurse well the first 2 days after birth. He didnt even really latch on good until he was 13 hours old -- and I had no pre-op drugs at all with him and no post op drugs. The lactation consultant said some boys are just "lazy" nursers after birth. I guess its just one of the crap shoot things.

Do you think you will investigate further your "heart shaped" uterus. Mine is heart shaped but I do not have a full septum and one side is also bigger. Jack was head down, but his head was cocked to the side and shoulder presenting against the cervix, his body swinging to the right. He wouldnt have budged either had I gone into labor. He was stuck just like my breech baby and they even had trouble getting him out during the csection. I was wondering if in your next pregnancy if you would do an US to check for this kind of positioning, etc. Also, have you ever had a miscarriage before? I ask because I know that for me when implantation is at the top of the heart their are often problems and the embryo/fetus cannot survive. I will say that my OB said that if I ever had a baby that was the right size and head presenting against the cervix I could have a vaginal delivery but that my risks would be greater for rupture.

I'm long winded today!

If I have another baby, I'll definitely stay attached to the medical system for longer than I did this time around. Ideally, it would be great if the OB I saw this time would be willing to see me throughout my pregnancy, knowing that I was going to try for a homebirth if everything looked okay. He was a great OB - very supportive, just an awesome doc. And from what he had to say afterwards, my likelihood of being able to VBAC with a vertex baby would be very good.

I'd definitely want to get more ultrasounds to check position, and try a very early version if signs indicated the next one wanted to be breech as well.

And nope, I've never had a miscarriage. Wasn't even TTC when I got pregnant with Liam, although I wasn't *not* TTC quite diligently enough if you catch my drift...