DP and I have been arguing a lot the last few days, and it has me down. He's been working a ton lately. Not his fault- stuff has been really stressful at work for him and he's having a rough time there. I do understand that, but meanwhile he all but forced me to agree to quit working early- he doesn't like that I work, and in short, he wants a happy little housewife. I LIKE working, even if I don't have the most fulfilling job. I don't enjoy being home full-time, and I never have. I like a balance- part time work while the little ones are little is perfect for me. To date, DP and I have always worked it out so that we juggle childcare and I work at least 15-20hrs/week, which has been great. For me. Anyway, he's stressed, and I feel like shit, and because he's got so much going on at work, not only do I never get out of the house, but all of the moving in stuff has been on me. Getting unpacked, setting up accounts, all that crap.
And I also resent that when he's home he doesn't pick up half the childcare and housework, like he has always done in the past. So now DS is super mommy-clingy, and DP just throws up his hands and gives up when he cries for me. It pisses me off that he doesn't try to get creative and find a way to diffuse the tantrums, instead he gets frustrated and walks away or treats it like a discipline problem. I don't see how they're ever going to bond more if DP can't be more patient and nurturing. This has me worried about how the hell I'm going to handle two little guys who both need me in about a month.
The thing is, DP has never been the most patient person, and he tends to get defensive, so it's hard to ask him to do things differently, but he's ALWAYS been a super involved dad/partner, and I'm having trouble adjusting to him working more (and me less) because I don't want to be a f**king housewife that does all the home and baby stuff alone. Been there, divorced that! I know I'm super hormonal (cause I'm crying over everything) so I'm trying not to get too worked up over this stuff until the dust settles some and I can see where we really are. There's too much transition right now, with the move, his new job, the girls starting school, and the new baby coming soon.
in my experience (1 XH and 1 DF), there are *some* men out there who, for some reason, seem to prefer their ladies to stay at home. my XH was like that a lot - he thought i didn't have to finish grad school, i didn't need to work, etc. well, i ended up divorcing him!
DF, i would say, is not exactly like that (and he would deny it), but i don't think he would have a problem with if i decided to stay at home. he is kind of encouraging me to work only part-time or freelance after baby gets here, and i'm currently considering it. i need to work to feel good and complete, but he is definitely the breadwinner and so sometimes i find myself trapped in reasonable arguments for his position.
i assume EVERY new kid will change your roles as parents and the way you interact as a couple, etc. we will have to get used to being new parents, you already have a kid and things are about to change again.. benefit of the doubt thinking, sometimes men just take longer to realize they've been doing things differently lately, so i would definitely bring it up as a concern you're having that he's been less involved lately, etc. (btw - DF is trying to work more right now too, his reason being he wants to be able to take as much time off after the birth as possible.)
what's going on with your armpits? are you going to do the ultrasound? this sounds concerning -- but i have no idea about lymph nodes or anything. :-/
DH and I have been walking for 45 minutes every day, following the MWs orders. There's a really nice hike and bike trail with a lake, geese and ducks right behind our house. The walk wears me out and brings on lots of practice contractions, but it is pretty nice to have that time just with him to talk and bond. It is quite strange living with my parents again after 11 years out of the house, though I can't complain because they have just been so generous and helpful with everything and it is only a short amount of time.
that sounds wonderful, lilmamita. what's the walking for, just as a general physical activity, or is it for natural induction? i've found walking quite hard the last 2 weeks.. although I am pretty tired of being a blob on the couch too!
Everyone who is working up until late pregnancy - WOW! I have no idea how you're doing it.
39 weeks today and thankfully it seems that things have calmed down here a bit, which is a HUGE relief because it's been crazy here. Less than a week ago I get an email from my midwives saying that because I've gained more weight than is 'normal,' their backup doctor (whom I've never met), want me to have a hospital birth even though all my labs (including BP and glucose) have been very good, and I'm measuring normally. We talked to some people and apparently this doctor has been arrested for writing false prescriptions, and 2 people I know that got transferred to him said he rushed them into a cesarean sections and an episiotomy. They said he was very rude also, and actually made their birth experience bad. But he is the only doctor who will back the midwives, and he backs them because he can't get business otherwise (at least that is what I've heard). I feel kinda angry though that the midwives led us to believe he's great.
So I was freaking out, but then the midwives called other midwives in Sarasota, FL, where my mom lives, and they agreed to take me on as they don't have the same rules with their doctors. We talked to them today and that all seems fine. We also were having issues with medicaid, it expires at the end of the month (3 days before my due date), and the reapplication wasn't going through, but the Sarasota midwives are guiding us through that and we can apply down there and even take care of it after the baby is born if need be.
So we're leaving for Sarasota on Wednesday and we'll stay with my mom, which might be good actually; she was going to come up and help, but we're ALSO moving into our new apartment on Wednesday and it won't really be set up in time (no furniture). This way we'll have a comfortable place for be to birth in and recover in. The apartment has been a relief too - last week we were told that the woman we're staying with had only 36 hrs to move out of her foreclosed on house, and at that point we weren't even approved yet for the apartment, so it was a really scary time! The next day she was granted an extra week and we were approved, so we can stay here until our apartment is ready on Wednesday (and then go to Sarasota right away!).
There is still a lot to do (moving stuff out of a storage unit into our apt on Wednesday, buying a gas dryer, hopefully getting a new bed and couch before I move back up), but the immediate necessities are taken care of.
oh man! first off, i second what you're saying Kali - having started maternity leave a month earlier than planned was SUCH a good decision for me. i have no idea how y'all are doing it, working up until birth - i've been sick last week and i'm sick again now, so besides the little bit of freelance work i do from home, i couldn't really imagine going to an office 9-5 right now!
that's crazy about the backup doctor - glad you found out in time!! good luck with the new midwives in Sarasota.
i'm also glad to hear you've found an apartment, so that will be at least basically set up before the baby! wishing you guys lots of energy to power through your to do list for this week!
I did explain things to DB. But my mum is going to come stay for a few days to help and he's got a plan to act useless so she feels sorry for him and does everything and maybe stays longer. I said I wouldn't let her do everything, but he just said you'll b in too much pain u won't care😡 in the last few days he does seem to have got a bit better though, I think it's the not having a job is really starting to get him down, especially as I'm now brining in less money coz of Maternity leave.
aw man. i'm wondering whether having been apart for 2 months is contributing to your situation? i mean, i think it's fair to say we've ALL gotten a lot less comfortable in the last two months. how were you doing before he left? did he have a job before that? not having a job must make him feel bad, i can understand that.
well ok, new week. last week was a bit crazy, but in a good way i guess. DF and i got engaged around New Years 2012/2013. the proposal was rather spontaneous while on a trip to Europe. i decided against a ring and for an engagement harp instead.
so it turns out he proposed to me again last week :) he's apparently been planning this for MONTHS - traveled across the country to get his mother's engagement ring, etc. then he was planning to do it on Wednesday, but we brought my car in for repairs and it was taking all afternoon. he started to pace and got really angry at some point because we were missing some reservations we had at a place he's still keeping secret from me. i, not knowing WHAT was going on, got confused as to why he got so angry all of a sudden (i thought it was because of BS at work or something), so we actually ended up having a bit of a fight, and i took off to go on a walk by myself later that day. i came back and we made up, he apologized for being an asshole.
the next day, he wanted us to go for a walk in a beautiful area near our home in the middle of the day. it was so fucking hot though! probably over 90 degrees, the first part of the walk being with no shade. he seemed really ambitious to make it all the way to the top of the hill, while i was struggling just to make it through to the shade. at some point, i had to say, you know what, i'm really sorry but i don't think i can do this. it's way too hot and i'm already struggling. let's do this some other time.
so we turned around. i asked him for the bottle of water he said he had brought in his bag with him. he said "man, you're forcing my hand.." - he didn't have any water with him, he had packed a bottle of alcohol-free cider instead! so he got down on his knee and proposed to me again right there, with his knee in the boiling hot sand! it was totally crazy in a way.
we went home pretty soon afterwards because of the heat, and had the cider on our (shady) patio instead. DF really wanted to propose on top of the hill -- we climbed it once and i said to him "this would have been a perfect place to propose!" (we didn't live in this area when he proposed the first time, so i really didn't mean it in any bad way!), so that's what he wanted to do. then he was bummed that he "messed up again", but i don't see it that way. i just think it was lovely and so touching that he had been planning this for months and i didn't see it coming. he also definitely wanted to do it before we went on our babymoon this last weekend, so that we could treat it like a mini-engagement-honeymoon trip as well. i guess that's why he got so nervous about the time..
yeah, so that happened!
our trip was wonderful and so relaxing. we went to Gold Country and did some history and some road tripping and also made sure to spend a lot of time at / in the pool at the hotel we were staying at. swimming while pregnant = OMG, i felt WEIGHTLESS. SUCH a good idea! also went to some great restaurants. SO glad we went!
we came home Sunday night and i brought another cold back with me, which i'm dealing with right now. i just got over a mini flu last week, ugh!
this morning i contacted a design consultant for our wedding invitations, so making some progress on that front. our to do before baby-list is looking great, almost everything is done now and i think if we power through this week, we might get all the necessary stuff done this week! which was my original goal - to be done with preparations by the end of August.
35 1/2 weeks today - getting so close now!