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Different Parenting Styles within the Family

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

Recently I was visiting with my mom, my sister and my 22 month old nephew. When my nephew threw a toy (he didn't throw it at anyone, he just threw it) my mom and my sister yelled at him and put him in time out. I was pretty appalled. I have five kids (number 6 on the way) and this is so opposite of how I parent. I was surprised that my nephew stayed in time out and I mentioned that to my sister who took it as a compliment. She then basically began bragging about how they (she and her husband) have been putting him in time out since he was 18 months old. He seems a little lagging to me in the speech/language department (two of my five kids have speech language disorders and there seemed to be some similarity) and I felt sorry for him sitting there because it seemed like he wanted to express something but doesn't have the skills to do so. My mom was a yeller when I was growing up and I must admit that when I first started parenting I used the tactics that had been used on me. Eventually I found my way to gentle discipline. I feel sorry for my nephew and I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. I just hope my sister learns some different tactics.

post #2 of 4
Hugs (and hi!) pattimomma - It's hard watching parenting styles which don't jive with yours. My sister was a spanker. I just couldn't stand by and watch that happen. I stuck my nosy busy body into her business in the nicest way I could. I talked about if she really gained anything from that behavior in almost an inquisitive way and she did respond that it never really seemed to work in the long term. I'm almost certain she doesn't spank anymore and hasn't in years (or at least she doesn't tell me about it). So, you could try gently inquiring about it....

There's not alot you can do with other people's parenting styles. I try to model my parenting when we're around. I think she keeps on waiting for my kids to be obnoxious, rude, brats because we don't use punishment. I keep on expecting her kids to be wild thugs because she does. eyesroll.gif

I'd address the issue of the speech delay. It took a friend of mine to recommend speech therapy for my dd before I did it and she did speech therapy for 3 months and now is at age level for her speech. You can just say that it happened to your kid and with a little speech therapy things were alot better.
post #3 of 4
Thread Starter 

HI Xerxella! I am so wary of recommending speech therapy to anyone since I recommended it to a friend and she quit speaking to me for months! It's hard to talk to my sister about anything that might come off as critical. She has always been really competitive (not really sure why, I don't feel like we are in a competition) and she easily gets defensive. I need to figure out a delicate way to get information to her about what age appropriate behavior looks like. Poor little guy gets in trouble for acting his age. Maybe I will try to get her to go out for a girls lunch and casually bring it up. Maybe talk about what works, what doesn't for us, I did use to be a yeller and a time outer. That stuff got me no where.

post #4 of 4
You could just frame he speech therapy by bringing up your dc's speech or some imaginary friend's dc's speech. Speech therapy is really no big deal. Kids love it. And, alot of the times it's covered by state insurance.

It's always touchy to bring up parenting styles with family. I like your girls time together to try though. Maybe ask her about what parenting things SHE thinks works the best.

Good luck! And good luck on your little rainbow due in February!
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