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I'm the sole caretaker of my 8 year old sister, who needs diapers. Help me out! - Page 2

post #21 of 26

Her GP said that daily incontinence in an 8 yr old child is "normal"? Just because her parents arent around and her sibling is caretaking? I'm a foster parent and recently had an 8 yr old girl and i can tell you that she soiled herself twice the first couple of days i had her (on accident, due to some bowel issues) and i found THAT very concerning enough to mention it to the doctor. If she was soaking a pullup during the DAY and didnt seem to care or notice i would have her into the pediatrician ASAP and if that doc thought "oh thats normal dont worry about it" i'd be finding a new dr. I would either think something severe was wrong with the child medically (infection, bladder issues, etc) or that she needed therapy ASAP. Heck, i fostered her 4 yr old sister at the same time and if SHE had a similiar issue i'd be very concerned. I wouldnt be as concerned with nighttime wetting as bedwetting has a strong genetic component and kids can take years to fully nighttrain. Day wetting is a different issue. 


I'm just not understanding dealing with daily wetting for such an older child for MONTHS and not yet visiting a therapist. 


How often does she speak with her parents? Seems this could occur quite often via skype or something like that. Also have you discussed this issue with them? (I also noticed you refer to your sister's parents as "her parents" rather than "our parents" or "our mother and my stepdad" or "my dad and stepmom" or whatever the family configuration might be) 

post #22 of 26
I could not agree more with the poster above. Please, get help for this suffering child for she is suffering. Put on and adult diaper and us it for 24 hour. You will see what your skin feels like and how difficult and Anwar it feels socially. There is something very wrong. Numerous posters gave you a very good advice to seek medical help for this child. I admire your will to take care of your siblings g, but please listen to the collective wisdom of older people who have been parenting kids for years. Please, I beseech you, go to a doctor's, and another one if needed unroll solution is found.
post #23 of 26
I'm also a foster parent and have taken dozens of classes on childhood trauma. Your sister may not have been neglected or abused, but she is definitely is affected by her (your?) parents decision to leave her with you. They possibly could have taken her with them, or found new jobs at home. She loves you and likes being with you, but that doesn't take away from the fact that she's unable to live with her parents. I adopted two of my foster kids and therapy isn't something that we had to "resort" to. It's not a negative thing, it's just an impartial person who helps kids work through trauma. My daughter went into foster care when she was a baby. She loves me and her brother. She likes being a part of our family. But, last spring, she needed some extra help working through some things. Her therapist is wonderful and DD LOVES going to her office. Since the wetting started right after she came to live with you, it is very likely related. It's a very common response to major childhood upheavals. I am very surprised that her pediatrian wasn't concerned and didn't recommend an evaluation by a child psychologist. Did the pediatrician know that it started a few days after she moved in (after the honeymoon period) and has continued for EIGHT months? Pediatricians are very good with what they do. But emotional stuff isn't something that they are trained to support.
post #24 of 26
Originally Posted by Polliwog View Post

...therapy isn't something that we had to "resort" to. It's not a negative thing, it's just an impartial person who helps kids work through trauma.

I agree. OP, even if the urination issue is physical, your sister might benefit from a therapist during this time of transition. I'm not sure what the circumstances are surrounding her parents' departure, but many times even necessary separations can feel like abandonment, and having a professional help her through those feelings could be really helpful.

You mentioned earlier that you'd rather have her talk to someone she knows rather than a therapist, but lots of times kids are reluctant to open up with someone they know (or worry about how the person will react to what they have to say), whereas therapists are neutral and have training in helping a child share their feelings in a safe, comfortable, and often play-based way.
post #25 of 26

I am a peds nurse. I agree that first of all she needs a full health checkup. Someone already mentioned testing for diabetes but there are also endocrine issues and also check her for a tethered spinal cord, among other things. Secondly, is she in any kind of counseling? She really needs to do this. Perhaps talking about her feelings and learning coping skills will help her. If health issues are ruled out, maybe she needs to take responsibility to wash her own clothes and sheets. NOT as punishment, but to help you out, to own the problem, and maybe as motivation to try harder to get to the bathroom. My children both started washing their own clothes and sheets at around age 8 with a little help reaching into the washing machine. 

post #26 of 26
Originally Posted by CharlieP View Post


However, a few days after moving in, she developed a wetting problem. At first, it started off as a bedwetting problem at night, which increased in frequency until she wet the bed pretty much every night. However, she started wetting during the day as well, which had me worried. I did some digging online and found out that her situation could be caused by stress – as a result of moving away and being separated from her parents (whom she misses dearly). She told me that she can’t feel anything when she wet herself, and at night, she would somehow dream that she was the toilet or shower, which subsequently led to wet sheets in the morning. She didn't have such accidents at all before she moved in with me.


My daughter is 9 and has always wet the bed at night.  She's in diapers too because they still fit and goodnites leak a lot.  Our doctor isn't worried since she's never been dry, but I see that you've been to the doctor, which is really the only suggestion I have.


Could she be feeling insecure, and using the diapers for comfort?  It's a slightly strange thought, but maybe sometimes I think DD does that...  but she doesn't have any daytime accidents.


I guess I don't know what to say, other than provide moral support - feel free to PM if you want to chat.



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