This marriage has had its good times but the unhappy/stressful times outweigh them 100 fold. I told H earlier this summer that if I had a full-time job I wouldn't still be here. He offered to go to counseling. I agreed, knowing that he views mental health treatments as a sham (I also suffer from clinical depression that is only managed with meds) and that he does not see himself as having any responsibility for our problems. Last Friday was our appointment. I got a real sense during the session that the counselor saw things for what they really are--she requested that he have several separate sessions before I come back into the picture. He made the appointments and I spent the weekend thinking this was a step in the right direction. He was away for the weekend for his cycling (one of the issues).
Yesterday, he comes home from work (first time seeing him since Friday night) and asks me to talk. He then proceeds to tell me that he thought about it and has decided that this isn't working and counseling will not help. He'd already seen a lawyer and that I should expect to be served papers by the end of the weak. Then he handed me his wedding band and went up to his office.
As of this moment, he has not made arrangements to move out and plans on staying here until he has a new place. That's fine. I sleep on the sofa most nights anyway. But he thinks we can just continue eating as a family, etc.
I feel like I've been clubbed over the head. I really was thinking we were headed in the right direction. Now I know that one doesn't just show up at a lawyer and get this all set up in one appointment. Turns out he had already seen the lawyer before our appointment. I'm thinking that when the counselor didn't just say that he was right and the problems are all in my head (which he feels) that he decided it would be easier to divorce me than go for the counseling.
Oh, and tomorrow (Wednesday) is our 20th anniversary. We've got three kids: a 16yo DD, 12yo DS, and a 9yo DD.