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Lillian Adora is here! - Page 2

post #21 of 37
Happy endings are awesome!!! Congratulations smile.gif
post #22 of 37

I know how you feel having lost a home birth for an early labor.  That is fantastic she avoided the NICU though! I wish I could give you my extra milk. I'm going to give it to a local woman tomorrow. There is a facebook group Human Milk for Human Babies, groups by state, maybe you could locate some.

 

Congratulations!!! She's beautiful.

post #23 of 37
Welcome Lillian! She's wonderful.
post #24 of 37
Congratulations!! So sweet!
post #25 of 37

Congratulations!  She is beautiful.

post #26 of 37
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookAMH View Post

I know how you feel having lost a home birth for an early labor.  That is fantastic she avoided the NICU though! I wish I could give you my extra milk. I'm going to give it to a local woman tomorrow. There is a facebook group Human Milk for Human Babies, groups by state, maybe you could locate some.

Congratulations!!! She's beautiful.

Thank you all for the congrats!

CookAMH--- I'm so totally engorged its sort of funny I even asked for donor milk because I am making SO MUCH right now. I know of the org you mentioned as well. I just loved the crazy looks I got at the hospital for mentioning donor milk when the WHO and AAP etc. say breast milk donation should be second to mothers own milk, not formula.

Thank god we avoided the NICU. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I was sobbing the night my water broke telling DH I just can't handle this! She came out with no issues but is tiny-- 4lbs 8oz. I'm really only concerned with getting her weight up now and by the count of diapers she's eating PLENTY.

How are you feeling? Is it just me beating myself up about the infections I obviously couldn't clear? I almost wish I just took the scary antibiotic instead of asking for metrogel. But I was told a few weeks later I didn't have yeast or BV. So I trusted that. Maybe the damage was already done. Everything I've read about PROM says an infection is to blame or the pressure from contractions could cause it. I did have a lot of low cramping, tailbone pain/pressure and constant BH.

I'm sitting here wishing I was still pregnant so DD could have fattened up a bit. I knew she'd be small but 4lbs is so hard! I'm really irritated at the comments. It's like yes I know she's small, why is that the first thing people say? Can't they just say "your baby is beautiful!" because she is. She's perfect!

It's the baby blues at work here, I know. This guilt is going to take me a while to get over. Not having my midwife present or even calling me REALLY upset me. She just finally called me TODAY. I'm not so sure what to even say to her. I know she was on vacation but I think she could have made the effort to just call me. Apparently she just found out today. Seems strange when her backup midwife knew, and she called to follow up after the birth then that was it. I was on my own for postpartum and newborn care.

Any thoughts for me on this? I never in 1000 years thought I'd deliver this early!
post #27 of 37
Tilly, this is completely silly, and not responsive to your post, but I just have to tell you: every time I see your baby girl's name, I think She Ra, which leads me to He-Man, which leads me to this: http://heyyeyaaeyaaaeyaeyaa.com/
lol.gif
post #28 of 37
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmu204 View Post

Tilly, this is completely silly, and not responsive to your post, but I just have to tell you: every time I see your baby girl's name, I think She Ra, which leads me to He-Man, which leads me to this: http://heyyeyaaeyaaaeyaeyaa.com/
lol.gif

Ha! Well, we named her after She-Ra. And it's quite fitting by the way she entered the world. smile.gif
post #29 of 37

tilly, I'm so glad to hear your DH got some time off so you can all get used to being a family together! And nice that you found a pediatrician who falls more in line with your philosophy. I would be upset too if my midwife didn't do any follow-up, I thought that was pretty standard when you work with one. Is it worth discussing that with her or would it just cause you more stress at this point?

May your little one continue to feed well so she can grow, grow, grow!

post #30 of 37
I don't have a lot of advice, but one of my twins was as small as Lillian, and he's now 5.5 lbs. It's a great relief to see him filling out, but I already miss the teeny tinyness of my little guy. You're doing a great job nursing her and helping her grow. I cant wait for the time, a few months from now, when we can swap photos of our chubby "4 lb preemies."
post #31 of 37
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsandmrs View Post

I don't have a lot of advice, but one of my twins was as small as Lillian, and he's now 5.5 lbs. It's a great relief to see him filling out, but I already miss the teeny tinyness of my little guy. You're doing a great job nursing her and helping her grow. I cant wait for the time, a few months from now, when we can swap photos of our chubby "4 lb preemies."

Thanks so much for posting this!!! I'm so terribly worried about weight gain so I nursed like a mad woman and its paid off!

Glad to hear your twins are doing well. They are so freaking adorable. Memphis is the 4lb baby right? His "stare" as you call it is the most cute thing ever! Are you nursing them? That's a lot of dedication and work and good on you for doing it as long as you can. I can't believe how fast Lillian is growing! I was not expecting her to surpass her birth weight already.
post #32 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by tillymonster View Post


Thank you all for the congrats!

CookAMH--- I'm so totally engorged its sort of funny I even asked for donor milk because I am making SO MUCH right now. I know of the org you mentioned as well. I just loved the crazy looks I got at the hospital for mentioning donor milk when the WHO and AAP etc. say breast milk donation should be second to mothers own milk, not formula.

Thank god we avoided the NICU. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I was sobbing the night my water broke telling DH I just can't handle this! She came out with no issues but is tiny-- 4lbs 8oz. I'm really only concerned with getting her weight up now and by the count of diapers she's eating PLENTY.

How are you feeling? Is it just me beating myself up about the infections I obviously couldn't clear? I almost wish I just took the scary antibiotic instead of asking for metrogel. But I was told a few weeks later I didn't have yeast or BV. So I trusted that. Maybe the damage was already done. Everything I've read about PROM says an infection is to blame or the pressure from contractions could cause it. I did have a lot of low cramping, tailbone pain/pressure and constant BH.

I'm sitting here wishing I was still pregnant so DD could have fattened up a bit. I knew she'd be small but 4lbs is so hard! I'm really irritated at the comments. It's like yes I know she's small, why is that the first thing people say? Can't they just say "your baby is beautiful!" because she is. She's perfect!

 

 

I really understand this sentiment. I remember from my first birth, which was an unplanned cs, I struggled with envy for a long time afterward toward women who had uncomplicated births, especially if those women could have cared less how they birthed. This time, I struggled for a little while with envy toward women who carried to term and had babies who needed no special care, or women who still had a preterm birth but their babies fared fine and needed no NICU and nursed fine from the get-go. So, until I felt Silas was "up to speed" as a newborn, which was about a week or so ago, I really, really wished I was still pregnant and was so sad for HIM that I didn't carry him longer. Wondering why my water broke when he obviously hadn't given the signal of lung and feeding readiness. Was it my nutrition this pregnancy? A random kick in just the right spot? But that means the membranes were weak, right? I wondered all that. Now that he's growing so well and beyond his preterm issues, I don't feel as sad about that any longer, thankfully. I still wonder what caused it though and probably always will. I can understand how you feel with how tiny she is, and with knowing how those last few weeks would have helped her develop more fat and the great stability that provides a newborn, for their own sake. And you want them to grow FAST and start looking more filled out and less like an old person hehe. :) The comments about size are hard...are they meaning something by it, is that all they are focused on, etc?

post #33 of 37
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookAMH View Post

I really understand this sentiment. I remember from my first birth, which was an unplanned cs, I struggled with envy for a long time afterward toward women who had uncomplicated births, especially if those women could have cared less how they birthed. This time, I struggled for a little while with envy toward women who carried to term and had babies who needed no special care, or women who still had a preterm birth but their babies fared fine and needed no NICU and nursed fine from the get-go. So, until I felt Silas was "up to speed" as a newborn, which was about a week or so ago, I really, really wished I was still pregnant and was so sad for HIM that I didn't carry him longer. Wondering why my water broke when he obviously hadn't given the signal of lung and feeding readiness. Was it my nutrition this pregnancy? A random kick in just the right spot? But that means the membranes were weak, right? I wondered all that. Now that he's growing so well and beyond his preterm issues, I don't feel as sad about that any longer, thankfully. I still wonder what caused it though and probably always will. I can understand how you feel with how tiny she is, and with knowing how those last few weeks would have helped her develop more fat and the great stability that provides a newborn, for their own sake. And you want them to grow FAST and start looking more filled out and less like an old person hehe. smile.gif The comments about size are hard...are they meaning something by it, is that all they are focused on, etc?

I feel like visitors are focused on her size. It's annoying because there are many other things about a baby to talk about! Like resemblance, hair, temperament, eye color etc. I purposely never say things about size because humans come in many shapes and sizes and who cares? I almost feel like they look at her as if she's a poor sick puppy and she isn't! She's SO HEALTHY! Or I feel everyone's eyes on her like she's the freaky small baby. I just hate it. But she did kind of look like a little old lady. Lol it's true. She's got little wrinkles that are finally filling in a little. I hope she'll be up to speed by 3 weeks like your Silas is. He's sooooo stinking cute! He looks great-- what's his weight now?

I am super envious/resentful too. Why couldn't my stupid body go into labor at 38-40 weeks like every other woman? I was so upset being induced again and knowing that I'd lose my homebirth and have to endure the hospital. My poor DD1 had a rough night with her auntie because mama was the only one who's ever put her to sleep. I was so sad and cried a lot over that. My daughter didn't get to be a part of her sisters' birth. She got to visit a hospital and watch her poor sister be poked and prodded. It really affected her. There was a lot of tears. They did the awful PKU test right when DD and DH walked in. It was very traumatic for DD1. I'll never forget that. I know you can relate to this being in the NICU. I hated being induced because my body was not ready and the risk of infection from PROM is so high. Just more stress. Yes-- I did it natural this time but still had to use a drug to force my body into labor at 35wks. It's not right!

I'm obviously trying to get past this but am struggling. DD is doing good but she had a rough few days that wouldn't have existed if I'd just gone to term and had a normal labor. I too am trying to figure out what I did or didn't do to keep this from happening. I'll just never know. It's nice to have another mama to relate to so thank you for this post.
post #34 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by tillymonster View Post

Thanks so much for posting this!!! I'm so terribly worried about weight gain so I nursed like a mad woman and its paid off!

Glad to hear your twins are doing well. They are so freaking adorable. Memphis is the 4lb baby right? His "stare" as you call it is the most cute thing ever! Are you nursing them? That's a lot of dedication and work and good on you for doing it as long as you can. I can't believe how fast Lillian is growing! I was not expecting her to surpass her birth weight already.

Yes, Memphis is my little guy. Thank you. We are crazy about him. I can't believe how perfect Lillian is. If you didn't tell me how small she is, i wouldn't be able to guess from the photos. She's beautiful.

It is so fortunate that we are both able to successfully nurse and help these little people. My heart breaks for other mamas who have supply issues with tiny babies or babies who are too small to effectively nurse. Not to be a total Pollyanna, but we are very very lucky.

It bugs me when everyone obsesses over the babies' size too. I'm just, like, but he has the best facial expressions! And adorable dimples! And my brother's eyes! Etc.
post #35 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by tillymonster View Post


I feel like visitors are focused on her size. It's annoying because there are many other things about a baby to talk about! Like resemblance, hair, temperament, eye color etc. I purposely never say things about size because humans come in many shapes and sizes and who cares? I almost feel like they look at her as if she's a poor sick puppy and she isn't! She's SO HEALTHY! Or I feel everyone's eyes on her like she's the freaky small baby. I just hate it. But she did kind of look like a little old lady. Lol it's true. She's got little wrinkles that are finally filling in a little. I hope she'll be up to speed by 3 weeks like your Silas is. He's sooooo stinking cute! He looks great-- what's his weight now?

I am super envious/resentful too. Why couldn't my stupid body go into labor at 38-40 weeks like every other woman? I was so upset being induced again and knowing that I'd lose my homebirth and have to endure the hospital. My poor DD1 had a rough night with her auntie because mama was the only one who's ever put her to sleep. I was so sad and cried a lot over that. My daughter didn't get to be a part of her sisters' birth. She got to visit a hospital and watch her poor sister be poked and prodded. It really affected her. There was a lot of tears. They did the awful PKU test right when DD and DH walked in. It was very traumatic for DD1. I'll never forget that. I know you can relate to this being in the NICU. I hated being induced because my body was not ready and the risk of infection from PROM is so high. Just more stress. Yes-- I did it natural this time but still had to use a drug to force my body into labor at 35wks. It's not right!

I'm obviously trying to get past this but am struggling. DD is doing good but she had a rough few days that wouldn't have existed if I'd just gone to term and had a normal labor. I too am trying to figure out what I did or didn't do to keep this from happening. I'll just never know. It's nice to have another mama to relate to so thank you for this post.

 

Go easy on yourself, allow this time to be sad about those things. As a nurse in the NICU said, and I think it relates to your situation too, is that the start Silas and I had as mother/baby was not a natural start. So it should feel strange and wrong, you know?  So feeling that way for a time is a bad thing since it's a natural reaction to an unnatural situation.

 

Silas is probably about 8.5lbs now. He'll probably be 9lbs next week at the midwife at the rate he's eating. It was when he was about a week from his due date that he really took off with all his coordination and more alertness to nurse. I read an interesting article stating that for preterm infants, their brain maturity toward their due date was most influential in their coordination with sucking and swallowing. It wasn't how long they'd been born but it was how late their adjusted gestation was, and experience and technique did NOT impact their development as much as simple time and maturity did. So my takeaway from that was the closer Silas got to his due date, the better he'd be. It didn't matter as much if he got PT, if I nursed every single time vs giving a bottle occasionally (which I did do one night in NICU so I could go home and sleep), what mattered was giving him time to mature neurologically as the weeks went by. And sure enough, he did. :love

 

That's fantastic she has a great latch, and you know she'll keep growing! They change quickly from week to week.

post #36 of 37
Congratulations!! She is beautiful!
post #37 of 37
Thread Starter 
Thank you fernmama!
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookAMH View Post

Go easy on yourself, allow this time to be sad about those things. As a nurse in the NICU said, and I think it relates to your situation too, is that the start Silas and I had as mother/baby was not a natural start. So it should feel strange and wrong, you know?  So feeling that way for a time is a bad thing since it's a natural reaction to an unnatural situation.

Silas is probably about 8.5lbs now. He'll probably be 9lbs next week at the midwife at the rate he's eating. It was when he was about a week from his due date that he really took off with all his coordination and more alertness to nurse. I read an interesting article stating that for preterm infants, their brain maturity toward their due date was most influential in their coordination with sucking and swallowing. It wasn't how long they'd been born but it was how late their adjusted gestation was, and experience and technique did NOT impact their development as much as simple time and maturity did. So my takeaway from that was the closer Silas got to his due date, the better he'd be. It didn't matter as much if he got PT, if I nursed every single time vs giving a bottle occasionally (which I did do one night in NICU so I could go home and sleep), what mattered was giving him time to mature neurologically as the weeks went by. And sure enough, he did. love.gif

That's fantastic she has a great latch, and you know she'll keep growing! They change quickly from week to week.

She's changing before my very eyes. She's more awake now too just in the last day or two. I'm also still struggling with how different things are for DD1. She sure did grow up fast these last two weeks. But she seems ready too-- it'll just take time. Thank you for commiserating with me!
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