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'You knew what you were getting into'

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 

What do you do when a family member tells you this?

 

Personally I would have settled for "Hey, that's rough" greensad.gif

post #2 of 7

Get your support from different people.

 

A friend and I have been pondering how we as a culture have this belief that if we aren't hard on people, they won't "learn." If we get support instead of disapproval we won't be motivated to not make mistakes. That's how I grew up, how I was raised.

 

It's crap, and there are people out there who don't act like that.

post #3 of 7
Thread Starter 

I definitely will, thanks sparklefairy.

 

It's even more unfair because I don't actually need to learn anything (except perhaps to cultivate indifference and grow a thick skin?). The conflict is between the exes so I stay out... but it means that I don't get to see my partners child potentially until court happens, and am aware that BM is likely punishing my partner because she doesn't want to let go.

 

I wonder if I'm nuts to put myself in this situation by being in a relationship with a separated dad... All I can say is I care for dad and child and hope things will one day settle down.

post #4 of 7
I can relate in every way, here for a chat if ever you'd like! (Would write more but hate typing on phone. smile.gif )
post #5 of 7

It really depends on what was said to what situation. Honestly, if you're in the middle of a custody dispute, yes, you sit on the sidelines and provide support. This is between partner and the ex. Sorry, but that's how it is.

post #6 of 7

Remember, how people respond says infinitely more about them, than about you.  They sound like they don't care. 

post #7 of 7
^^^Exactly. Just because you know what you are getting into does not mean you have no right to have strong emotions around the situation. People who respond like that are also usually uncomfortable because they like playing super hero and they know there is jack they can really do to help you. My response would be "yes, I knew, and I also knew it wouldn't be easy and I would need a good support system to help me process my own emotions while I'm forced to sit on the sidelines. If you don't want to be a part of that particular support system, all you have to do is say so. I value you in my life for many other reasons."
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