We met a new friend/neighbor when my daughter was 4 and she was 6. The girl immediately started talking about boys and marriage and kissing and princesses and babies, etc. She would spray my daughter with perfume and they would put on make-up. I would hear her whisper to my daughter about a boy that she kissed....a real grown up kiss...on the mouth. Those of us with very young girls may cringe when we hear this type of stuff, but I believe it is pretty typical for older girls. This behavior took a sudden turn in the other direction recently which has me puzzled. First, some background. We carpool and our schools are very far away, so the kids are literally on top of each other for about 1.5 hours each day.
This girl has some issues. I have witnessed a lot of strange behaviors. First, she lies all the time. When my daughter would bust her in a lie and get sad about it she would say "ha! tricked ya!"....like saying "just kidding", but in a way that made her feel like the foolish one. Your so dumb you thought I was cheating!
She is very sneaky. If you tell her she can't have something or do something, she will find a way to sneak it.
She doesn't play nice and loves to tease. She will say mean things to put my daughter down, like "you have ugly hair".
She is extremely jealous. My daughter now acts extremely jealous around her too :(
To make things more stressful, her younger brother is constantly teasing my kids also, but I really think he is just trying to be like her.
My poor son was mortified because when he went to get in the car, in front of all his brand new friends at his brand new school (tween agers), the girl's little brother immediately started spanking him on the butt. He always does that ...then he gets in his face, teases him..messes with his hair, etc.
The girl likes to gross out my kids, so she licks them. The girl will steal a snack from my kids, then lick it so they can't eat it. My daughter would fall for it and lick her back sometimes, or try to lick her snack too. Nice behavior she is teaching my kids.
The mom has alerted me to my own children's behavior on a few occasions, which kind of ticks me off. I appreciate knowing when my kids are acting up, but she can't expect my children to sit back and take abuse for so long...and be surrounded by negativity for so long without beginning to act the same way. Last year, she called me and with a serious tone told me that my son said a curse word in her car. I know he would constantly yell at the girl because she would tease him and my daughter...I would really get on his case about his abusive language toward her last year...but I completely understood why he was so frustrated with her. She would bully him relentlessly and put her nose right on his nose and he would finally scream at her and then she would bring on the crocodile tears....but I was still surprised he would curse, so I asked him about it. He looked confused and he told me he didn't curse...he said she heard him wrong. My son does have slightly sloppy speech due to speech delays, so it is possible she heard him wrong...and she has an accent (I don't think English is her first language)...so there could be a slight language barrier there too...not to mention her kids are the loudest kids I have ever heard. She always comments on how loud they are too, so I'm not sure how she heard anything! He admitted that he cursed once at her house though! I apologized and told her I would talk to him...and I did.
The mom also made a big deal about the kids throwing things at each other in the car, and making messes with snack...she then banned snack. I also banned snack. Her kids constantly broke the snack rule and would sneak things into the car to eat in front of my kids.
Her mom told me that she caught my son and her daughter hugging and rubbing all over each other in the car and she told me "I don't play that" and she said she keeps them separated in the car....That was when we first started carpooling last year, when the girl was 7 and my son was 9. I don't doubt it happened, but he can't stand the girl. He was probably giving her a taste of her own medicine...maybe she started messing with him, he did it back, thinking it would annoy her...but she loved it! When I would ask him for a hug, as a toddler, he would turn around backwards and back up into it. He had sensory issues and doesn't usually like people touching him. He had lots of OT and it has gotten better, but I still can't see him instigating that type of game with someone he can't stand.
She can't keep her hands off my daughter either. I am constantly telling her to stop touching...I hear my daughter saying "stop it! Get away from me!" Sometimes it was silly games and my daughter would giggle and she would ask my daughter to do the silly game back to her...Today it was a snake...she was pretending her hand was a snake and attacking my daughter with it...of course there was kissing and love involved "snakey loves you....give him a kiss".
Last year, the girl would tickle my daughter and then ask her to tickle her back. Once I looked back and saw that she was tickling my daughter in the "private" area. I immediately told them not to tickle each other there.
The other day in the car, I looked over and saw the girl plant her face in my daughter's crotch. Then I heard my daughter say EEwwww with a giggle. Then she pushed the girl's head away and said "you kissed my thigh!" I again told them no kissing. Then she said "give me your head" and pushed my daughter's face into her crotch area. I told my daughter to sit up straight and then the girl started singing a vulgar potty-mouth song that she made up. Some of the words were of course about kissing....and kissing butts. This isn't the first time I heard her talk about kissing butts. Her younger brother (who spanks everyone on the butt) said it once too. Then she sang about kissing girls.
Yesterday, she was getting right in my daughter's face, as she often does when she teases her. This time she kissed her instead. She was saying "smoochy smoochy!"and "I love you" in a teasing voice....like trying to gross her out. My daughter screamed "eeeww!' and giggled. When I told her to stop, she started playing another game she made up...she pretends she is hungry and says "you look like a...." and names random yummy foods. She kind of sneaks up on her with a wide-eyed look....like trying to scare her. She loves to hear her giggle-scream, and this game gives her an excuse to lick her or put her mouth on her.
My daughter is very observant and curious though, because a few minutes after the kiss, she said "wait a minute...are you a girl or a boy?" and the girl said "a girl". My daughter then said "I don't get it...why did you sing about kissing girls?"
Does all of this STILL sound typical to you? If not what the heck is going on with this child? ADHD impulse control and extreme jealousy are the two things that pop into my mind...perhaps even a touch of (hopefully accidental) exposure to pornography or sex.
Also, how do I tell this woman about this? She comes from a very conservative background and definitely spanks her daughter. I am afraid she will punish the girl over the kissing. I was thinking of focusing more on the way she treats my daughter in general instead of just the kissing incidents.
I have a feeling she only gets away with this type of behavior with younger girls, like my daughter. Most of her friends are older so the mom probably won't witness it with other girls. I do remember we were at her house one time, and the girl called us (the moms) into the room to show us something. The girl had my daughter on the bed, on hands and knees, with her ankles and wrists bound with belts or scarves or something. When we walked in, she lifted a blanket and my daughter was under there staying very still like a statue...I am not sure what kind of game it was, but even her mom said something like..."OK, lets find another game with no tying up"....so I know she has witnessed her daughter doing weird things to my daughter before in the name of "play".
Edited by jmarroq - 9/9/13 at 9:30am