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September 2013 Chit Chat - Page 7

post #121 of 3384

:joyKali wins the nun contest, it's over, give her all the awards :joy

 

Amanda, sorry about your 'H'...  

 

Kirsten, Cool place!

post #122 of 3384
I missed Amanda's post. What the *!>% kind of "father" (in any respect) would rather use a child's fraking therapy money on himself? I would have nut punched him.
post #123 of 3384

So I was just reading my sons texts, and I found one where he told a friend not to say "kay kay" for ok because "its gay".

 

And I am just so disappointed.  I'm taking it really super personal.  Like, really personal, especially as a parent.  Because Ive tried to raise him to be much more thoughtful than that.  And  I *know* he picked it up on his summer visit with his bio-Dad.

 

Maybe I need to buy him a thesaurus. 

post #124 of 3384

I just lost my post twice in a row. 

 

Short version: we have plenty of money for therapy. We spend money on totally frivolous things all the time- iphones, eating out, clothes, new car. He loses it over spending for the kids. Except for Jasper; that's okay. I do what I want anyway, mind you. But I am so sick of the same argument over and over and over. I snapped this week and I can't stop. I am feeling panicky all the time... I haven't felt this way in years. I don't know how to find any peace. This is an example of the lunacy: earlier today, he was talking about replacing our (my) perfectly fine, four year old flat screen tv to get something "cooler." (This will not be happening.) Two hours later, he's pissed about the $40 copay. How am I supposed to deal with this level of ridiculousness?? 

 

Okay, done. 

 

Kirsten, beautiful view and home. Very happy for you.

 

Kali, you are adorable!

 

Guys, I know I lost my board nun status, right? So now what am I??? Can I still have my convent senior title? It'll be ironic now. Lol.

post #125 of 3384
Quote:
Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow View Post

 

 

Guys, I know I lost my board nun status, right? So now what am I??? Can I still have my convent senior title? It'll be ironic now. Lol.

 

 

I have 1,000 horribly offensive answers to this question.

 

Also, he is totally giving your girls the step-child treatment.  And that is not OK.  Not even a little.  You dont sign on to a relationship knowing there are children and not give them the same 100% you would give your own. Period.  And Im sorry your feeling so bad.  I would say hugs, but Im bigger on high fives.  Theres no smiley for that.

post #126 of 3384
That is not what I meant, Ash! Sigh.

Oh, he's the same about dsd. Same arguments. Weird, right? I don't get it at all..... Thanks for the high five.
post #127 of 3384
I was right. Work is kicking my ass. Holy contractions.

Kali, nice bump. Congrats on the nun status. smile.gif

Amanda, I agree with what Ashley said about your DH.

I'm also a preferred high fiver. Winning.

Jaimee, to lighten the mood for you a bit... If they move to IL, listen to me... DON'T LET THEM LIVE WITH YOU. =)
post #128 of 3384
Jaimee, question: I may have misread, but are your parents thinking of moving separately? Was your dad thinking of moving without your mom?
post #129 of 3384
Nicole, lol.

Amanda, I'm sorry you're feeling panicky. That sucks. Also, sleep is huge, are you both getting enough?
post #130 of 3384
That would be a no, Sara. Him maybe more than me; he goes back to bed a lot once I leave for work. I was doing better, but recently I've been staying up late goofing around online.
post #131 of 3384
Ahh, maybe more sleep would help with the panicky feelings? Like the rest of us who complain about not sleeping enough.
post #132 of 3384
Maybe so... Probably. It's tough to make yourself go to bed at a good time when you just don't want to, you know? Sigh.
post #133 of 3384
Of course.
post #134 of 3384
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post


Kali, nice bump. You win the nun points, though I find the phrase "on the lips" suspect.

Bwahahah, yeah I guess it does sound like 'that'. But what I mean is we had kissed each other on other parts of the face, lol. Not, um, anywhere inappropriate. We had both previously kissed other people; we wanted it to be special to wait til the wedding. I'm not nunnish like at all though, I was mainly just a shy childlike theatre geek for most of my growing up years, then started following Jesus, both of which helped me to stay somewhat pure.


Jaime: hugs. I can see where both you and your mom is coming from. My parents live within two hours of us but states away from my sis and family. When we all get together about 1-2 times a year, they have fun but seem tired at the end of it. And my mom has like 1000 times more energy than I do. But my sis has four kids (3 of them sweet but active boys) and I have three kids 6 and under. So I get it.
post #135 of 3384

Amanda,  When arguments become ridiculous (like over spending $40 that you can afford), it's usually about something else.  I know it's immensely hard, but it sounds like your dh really needs more affection.  Not that I'm excusing the behavior, but when some people are acting unusually bad and mean, it often means they are really hurting on the inside themselves.  This might not be the popular opinion, but I think your dh needs more love and attention.  At the heart of it, he's probably a decent guy that's really hurting right now and taking it out poorly on the people that he loves.  Early in my relationship with my dh, he went into a faze where he got really mean, started to insult me about everything that I did, etc.  After picking it apart, he was trying to push me away because he was afraid that I was going to leave anyway.  Generally he's a very sensitive and caring person, but he acts very poorly when he's hurting emotionally or feeling insecure.  It really doesn't make any sense for a person to behave like that when they are in the most need, but it seems to be far too common.  My dh has told me many times, when I'm being a jerk, what I really need is love and support.  I'm like, do you know how hard it is to love on someone who's being an ass??  I do try though, or at least to coax out of him what the real problem is.  

post #136 of 3384
Kirsten, gorgeous view and what a nice place! So happy for you.

Nicole, you are my working-preggers-mama hero right now.

Kali, cute bump! As usual, I love your style of photography.

Jaimee, I'm sorry your mom treated you that way. That sounded ROUGH! There's nothing I hate more than invalidating comments ... so I get it. I thought you were anything but selfish. So puzzling. I just don't get some people.

Ash, wow @ your surgery. Intense! Btw, I'll be in your same boat soon enough with a kid using a poor choice of phrasing... My DH uses those same words, or sometimes calls things retarded. I don't even notice anymore and I'm pretty sure he's passed on the bad habit to me at times. Honestly, though, we are so lax about a lot of those things because we don't live in a circle with discrimination - we have a diverse crowd and family members - so we just take the words at their intented context and not as derogatory remarks... and maybe that's still insensitive, I don't know.

Amanda, not that it would be legal or anything, but I'd totally share some Klonopin with you. I'm so sorry your H is acting so insensitively. :-( ughhhh. We need Jaimee's mom to give him a stern talking to about his selfishness.

As for things over here..... Our BBQ get-together was wonderful. Everyone complimented us on the patio and the work we've done to our house. It was nice to finally show off the hard work since it was our first time having a real party the entire time we've lived here (3-1/2 yrs). The kids had so much fun. All around just very pleased. DH did most of the work too. Woohoo!
post #137 of 3384
Abra, marry me? LOL. You so get us. Us being those annoyingly sensitive touchy-feely crazy-cray-at-times bundles of emotional human fibers turned irritable in a flash of neediness. As my old therapist used to explain, we just need our fill of warm fuzzies (feel-good gestures) to hold us over for a while. Really it's not that hard. It just gets hard if we're too far neglected. That's when we bring the claws out. Withholding love from us is pure torture. Seriously.
post #138 of 3384
Joanie- I've tried to teach my kids that anything that could potentially make someone feel bad is not ok no matter the company, even if you think nobody will take it personal. I did talk to him about it tonight. We talked about his uncles and how they each struggled, and would he say "that's gay" to one of them and feel ok with it? He did say its something he picked up and just says, but we talked about the connotations- if one of his friends was gay but too afraid or not ready to share that it's his friends yet, what effect would using those words have on that friend? I've tried hard to emphasize all words mean something. I feel like I failed! So, how would you feel if Sora started saying the things you say? Can you imagine the horrifying moment when she calls something retarded in front of a person who is actually retarded? I experienced that very moment, lol. You don't feel proud. I used to say retarded all the time.

Abra that's an interesting thought.

It does make sense in regard to my own husband even- but he would be a way lesser scale. We found with my DH regular exercise is a must for his emotional health. He needs that serotonin boost.
post #139 of 3384
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

Abra, marry me? LOL. You so get us. Us being those annoyingly sensitive touchy-feely crazy-cray-at-times bundles of emotional human fibers turned irritable in a flash of neediness. As my old therapist used to explain, we just need our fill of warm fuzzies (feel-good gestures) to hold us over for a while. Really it's not that hard. It just gets hard if we're too far neglected. That's when we bring the claws out. Withholding love from us is pure torture. Seriously.

 

Do you think that the rest of our DDC will come to our wedding?  :wink  Which state will we have to move to to make it legal?

 

Really though, I only know this after years of being with a highly emotional person.  Luckily he's fairly expressive and has told me all of these things again and AGAIN until I've finally absorbed some of it.  I decided long ago that if our relationship was going to work, I was going to have to change my perspective on things.  I also very deliberately picked a partner that is highly emotional and sensitive, where I am not.  He balances me out and gives our children a view on things that I am not capable of.  We've had some rough patches, especially when I was being really crappy at supporting him, but overall we are a good match.  Now that we are both on a path that we're happy with, things are very good.  Like everyone always says, reduce your stress and follow your dreams!

post #140 of 3384
You guys can get married when we all meet up this Spring. It'll be legit to us, that's all that matters. You're just going to have to travel to Jaimee's. Totally worth it.

Tomorrow is my Friday. WAHOO!!!
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