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HOLY SH#$%¥*T! We are due next month - April Chat Thread : ) 68 posts | Last post on Today at 6:40 am
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Birth Plans - Page 3post #42 of 559/18/13 at 10:06amWith my DD I planned a home birth but delivered at our local community hospital (where I work). DD was transferred to a bigger hospital 1 hr away. I'm going to see the local OBs, with consults with the high risk practice at the bigger hospital. Both hospitals are reasonably low-intervention and respectful (as much as could be expected in a hospital). I think I have a chance of a fast labor (it was with DD but she was early so who knows- but my moms births were also very fast). The bigger hospital has CNMs and birth tubs, not the local one, but I usually don't like hanging out in hot tubs so I don't think I would like it in labor??? But I like being in a regular tub when I feel sick or whatever, and I think I could tolerate getting out at the ladt minute (or just drain the water, which is acceptable). At the moment I don't feel the need to be protected from the medical stuff- I think they know not to push it with me, and I'm comfortable refusing stuff the suggest that's unreasonable or excessive, and really I just want to go in, have a baby, and leave without much romance or fanfare.post #43 of 559/18/13 at 2:01pmMy "plan" is that my water won't break before I start labor this time. That would be great. I'm pretty sure my first birth would have been a lot better without the cervidil.
I live in a small rural town in "northern" Canada, so I'll be at the same hospital as last time, but with a doula and (tentatively) no husband. He'll look after our toddler. Also, he really, truly hated the entire birth experience last time, so I don't want him to have to go through it again. Honestly, I didn't like it much either, but I got endorphins and then morphine, and he got nothing, so I think my experience was actually not as bad as his overall.
I feel good about the hospital as a whole, but I am hoping the doula will be better at running interference as far as interrupting me - my husband isn't great at that (though he tried really hard). And since I was induced the whole time was at the hospital, I'm hoping that this time I can labor at home for at least a while.post #44 of 559/18/13 at 4:51pmpost #45 of 559/18/13 at 9:55pmI don't think I ever did, Rosie. I somehow ended up with very little internet time for a while :P I don't think I read yours, either.
I don't know if people/men just don't talk about it or what. I know my bil had a horrible experience too, he said it was about as bad as when his sister died. And my dh told me it was "like watching someone be tortured". (Um. Just to be clear, I don't remember it as being that bad, and it was only once I started pushing at 5 cm and couldn't stop pushing that it was very bad at all.) I can't decide if people just belittle the effect it has to watch someone give birth because it *must* be easier than actually giving birth, or if we had a uniquely difficult labor and birth.
Actually, I think I will post my birth story to help me process it. When I'm not on my phone.post #46 of 559/19/13 at 8:38am
Here's Odin's birth story. Warning: it's a home birth > emergency ambulance transfer
The problems for DH were fear for our safety during the transfer, but then the bigger issue was that he was left alone for the surgery and birth. I was under general for the surgery and they wouldn't let our doula or midwives in the hallway with him outside the operating room, or when they handed him the baby, or when they took the baby to the nursery. They didn't consult him on all the immediate baby interventions (eye goop, vit k, wash, etc.), so all that happened before he even got to meet baby (or maybe right after?).
Ah, I'm starting to go down a rabbit hole...I will stop there.
Even when birth goes normally, I can imagine it being REALLY HARD to watch a woman labor, especially if she is vocal. All the partner has to go on is the media's depiction of birth, which is horrific. The more empathetic a partner, the more gut-wrenching it must be to hear one's partner saying "I can't do this!" or yell and moan...post #47 of 559/19/13 at 3:51pm
My DH was there for our ubac, and he was actually really cool compared to his reaction during the CS. I think it helped alot to do a bradley birthing class, he saw several birth videos and he felt more prepared for what was coming. He thinks part of the problem at the hospital was, like your DH, RosieL, he was shoved aside and ignored alot. It was still an urgent situation, but he wasn't really "needed", you know? He was treated like the prebaby sperm donor (and locked out of the room and I will stop from going down my own rabbit hole right now). With the accidental UBAC he was definately front and center. My going theory is that men do better when given an active role.post #48 of 559/20/13 at 12:18pmpost #49 of 559/25/13 at 5:17pmWe are planning on having another home birth with the same midwives we used for our second. My first was a csection because she was breech (and stubbornly so!) . I am not sure if I will do a water birth again though. I felt like it made it harder to push the baby out...has anyone else found that?post #50 of 559/26/13 at 4:40pm
rosieL, if I ever post my birth story it will be in ebook form, its quite complicated :) and emotional. the five minute version is post in the VBAC mamas thread.
DH wants to tour a birth center before deciding whether we want to try at home again, and I've agreed. Insurance would cover most of that so its not going to be as expensive as I was worried about. Bonus points he really wants it and if e really wants it, there is usually a good reason down the road.post #51 of 559/26/13 at 9:43pm
My first was a not pretty hospital story. I will skip it. It wasn't horrible but not a pleasant experience. My second was at a freestanding birth center and it was a lovely experience. I had a euphoric birth and was absolutely happy with that experience. My third was a home birth and it was nice, except he decided to come at night and I was exhausted and my midwife was a bit flighty and not really helpful the way I needed. This one we are most likely going with the birth center in town. We are in a new town and dh really liked the mw there. She was also more open to my concerns than the homebirth mw. See, my son was a water birth and my water broke literally 30 seconds before I pushed him out. So he aspirated on my waters. The homebirth mw is convinced it was because of the water birth. I am not. It was very obviously amniotic fluid in his lungs (he was hospitalized for 3 days due to it) I mentioned to both the idea of breaking my water at transition and the homebirth mw was not super keen on the idea. The birthing center mw thought it was a fine idea. I liked that she listened to me- I mean I have done this before. She seemed like she would trust me more and the birthing center is literally a converted Victorian home that is nicer than my own!! On top of that there is a chance that by the birth they will be contracted with our insurance. And even more in their favor a doula is part of the cost. So we decided that they were the better option all around.post #52 of 559/27/13 at 4:09ampost #53 of 559/27/13 at 11:26am
Freestanding birth center. I've been going there for my gyne care for a little over a year, and it's so pleasant! My friend who gave birth there says the midwives and nurses make you breakfast in bed afterward. The one thing I feel a little concerned about is coming home so soon after the birth--if the labor is sudden and early, we may not be prepared to rest and recuperate at home and won't have anyone to take care of us until mother-out-law can get time off her job and make the 7-hour drive. My partner is not great at taking care of me or the kid(s!) when he's tired himself, as he's likely to be after supporting me through labor. I think what I need to do is network with my local friends so I can call upon a few to meet us when we get home with a casserole and clean sheets and some babysitting of the big kid!
When my son was 7 and I was pregnant but miscarried, he was saying he wanted to watch the birth. This time he hasn't said anything about that so far. We are going to family orientation at the birth center next week and can talk about the options after that. I'd kind of rather not have him there; I don't want to feel embarrassed or inhibited by not wanting to scare him. Also, it might be the middle of the night, and he's got school.... I'd prefer to find a friend who can be with him either in the waiting room of the birth center or at home.
My son was born in a hospital with a solo-practice midwife. I liked the way the hospital staff brought me food (actually pretty good!) and cleaned up after me for 48 hours. I appreciated feeling that they were ready for any possible medical need; I did have excessive bleeding, and my son had jaundice, both of which were skillfully treated (but the midwives can control bleeding the exact same way, and jaundice treatment starts later, so we could do it at home, or if we have to go to the hospital for the more extreme blue lights, we'll be able to pack for that separately instead of going right into it unprepared like we did--the last 2 of my 4 days in the hospital were after I'd been discharged, and that was rough!). I liked the way my baby was allowed to stay with me nearly all the time, and the nurses did not say one word about his being in bed with me. I did not like having my vital signs and my baby's checked every few hours on DIFFERENT schedules, very disruptive! More importantly, I think I might not have had the excessive bleeding if I hadn't felt rushed by the midwife's attitude (being in solo practice, he'd been up all night before spending all day with me) which led to my accepting a few interventions to speed up labor--which I might not have needed if I'd not been in a hospital that demanded several hours of non-ambulatory electronic fetal monitoring when I first arrived, which I'm sure slowed down my labor! If it had all been allowed to go more naturally, my baby might not have released meconium before birth, which triggered the hospital's procedure for "respiratory distress": They cut the cord immediately and took him to the other side of the room, then after a little while took him away for "observation" for nearly 2 hours without letting me see or touch him for even one second! I'm sure that this trauma contributed to my bleeding, increased baby's stress as well as mine, and interfered with bonding. (To my midwife's credit, he had just recently switched hospitals, and this was his first birth there with "respiratory distress" so he didn't realize they were going to be so drastic about it.) He didn't actually have any breathing problem whatsoever!!!
The reason I'm not using that midwife anymore is that he moved out of town--but for a little while I was using the so-called midwife practice in that hospital, because that's where he transferred my records. It is huge, impersonal, confusing, and way more medical than I like. After horrible experiences with ultrasound there, I am avoiding that hospital forevermore. Ironically, that is the "women's" hospital that is supposed to be so caring! (The birth center uses a different hospital for ultrasound and any other procedures that have to be done in a hospital. The people are much nicer there!)
About fathers' experiences: My partner did well during the labor and birth, although he was grossed out at some points and a little worried about me. His main issue with the hospital in that phase was that, when he went back down a hallway where I had thrown up on the floor more than an HOUR earlier, it was still not cleaned up--ridiculously unsanitary!! Where he had trouble was in the "recovery" phase of the hospital stay. There was a horrible folding chair/bed thing he was supposed to sleep on, which was higher in the middle than at the head or foot and just very stiff and uncomfortable. The hospital encouraged (even seemed to take for granted) that fathers would stay overnight but did not allow them to use the shower or provide them any food; all the places to buy food in the hospital were closed overnight. He ended up going home at night after the first night. At one point while he was out, a nurse wanted my baby to have a hearing test (at 11pm? whatever) so I followed along and was standing outside the postpartum nursery watching, and I chatted with another new dad who was there; he was feeling similarly abused by the disrespect for his comfort. My partner later found this was a great bonding topic whenever he talked with anyone whose partner had given birth there! Of course we all understand that the main focus is on the mother and baby, but you'd think they could be a little more considerate of dads! We look forward to learning more about the birth center's policies for fathers, but from what we've heard they are a lot kinder.post #54 of 559/27/13 at 12:14pmMy first choice would be to give birth in a birthing centre. There are 3 birthing centres in this city but they all have crazy long wait lists and so most people never get in. I'm already on all 3 wait lists but I think my chances are pretty slim because I don't live near any of the 3 centres and they give priority to people who live nearby. The only way to get a midwife is through these birthing centres so I may not even be able to have a midwife.
My backup plan is to give birth at the hospital which has a reputation for being the most natural-birth friendly in this city. I've already made an appointment with a doctor who does births at that hospital, and if I do end up giving birth there I'm also planning to hire a doula.post #55 of 559/30/13 at 12:59pmQuote:Originally Posted by EnviroBecca
At one point while he was out, a nurse wanted my baby to have a hearing test (at 11pm? whatever) so I followed along and was standing outside the postpartum nursery watching, and I chatted with another new dad who was there; he was feeling similarly abused by the disrespect for his comfort. My partner later found this was a great bonding topic whenever he talked with anyone whose partner had given birth there! Of course we all understand that the main focus is on the mother and baby, but you'd think they could be a little more considerate of dads! We look forward to learning more about the birth center's policies for fathers, but from what we've heard they are a lot kinder.
this was DH's experieince! The bed was horrible and his food was so blah he didn't even eat his chicken (DH is a meat guy, when he won't eat the meat, you know its bad!). The hospital wanted him there for support for me etc, they said, but it was really not a place he wanted to stay. It worked out well that he was so uncomfortable, since it motivated me to ask to leave early (they offered to let me stay 5 days, but we were there less than 2, to his relief. If we'd stayed I'm sure it wouldhave been fine but he hated hated thier food or lack thereof).
sourire, I hope you get into the birth center you want.
We plan to visit a birth center near us in a couple weeks, to see what its like. i love having so many choices this round :)
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