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Weekly chat September 2-8

post #1 of 108
Thread Starter 

Today, I'm officially the most pregnant I've ever been!  I feel better passing into this week 37, although I'd still prefer if things stay quiet for another 2-3 weeks. ;)  

 

Having a quiet holiday weekend.  I had a midwife appointment Friday, which went well.  I'm still working with DH to get some project done around here (he's actually in "work mode" instead of "chill mode" for a change, so I'm keeping that momentum rolling as long as possible).  He's facelifting the downstairs bathroom, making the sink drain actually functional and replacing some water-damaged wall areas. I'm working on deep cleaning stuff, like washing all the mini blinds (next time, I'll probably just buy new ones because it's a huge PITA to me), organizing and purging, and making sure I have all my home birth supply checklist on hand. 

 

It's pretty cool here today, so when DH gets back from his bike ride, we're going to make and can a bunch of dilly beans, and probably bake a lasagna or two for dinner and freezer.  I'm also going to make a batch of granola (I'm addicted to this easy recipe I've been making) and perhaps chicken stock (although I should have started that this morning, so it's low-priority for today).  

 

My doula is a professional photographer, and has offered to do a maternity shoot as part of her service, so we're going to do that one evening this week. I didn't have maternity photos the first time around, so I'm excited. She's so cool...she's also offered to take pics during labor/birth/newborn and some family photos postpartum at no extra charge, we just have to buy whatever prints we want.  She's newer to the community, so I'm happy to help her get her name out! 

 

Other than that, we'll just be laying low, going to the beach a day or two, doing some more canning/freezing, and seeing the chiropractor.  I dropped the bomb to the OB office last week that I'm planning a home birth, to the brand new doctor (wasn't planning on that, but my regular person was in surgery).  I go back on Thursday, so I'm expecting another weird conversation, but trying to not get worked up about that. 

 

What's everyone got going on this week? Some of us are SO CLOSE! I'm sure we'll have some more birth announcements this week. :D

post #2 of 108
To carry on a theme from last week... Work is kicking my butt too. I need to work up to the end (I'm actually planning to work the day of my induction if I last that long--it is scheduled for 8pm) but I'm not doing it with good energy or attitude, which I feel is kind of unfair but I haven't been able to fix to my satisfaction. I don't want to lose one day from my 6 weeks off though!

My sister is married to a Canadian, lives in Canada, and had a baby eight days ago. She gets a full year off. With pay! I'm jealous, though pleased for her, and especially since this is her first and maybe only.
post #3 of 108

beep - Oh my goodness, working on your induction day!  What an event!  Are they planning on doing Cervidil (or something you can sleep through) before they start up Pit?  I wouldn't mind working on induction day if I knew I could sleep for a little bit before the work had to be done.

 

haurelia - Good on you for all the canning, even if you're not doing what you normally do this month.  I just ripped up the last of the tomatos and eggplants that we had in our measly garden.  I just didn't want to be bothered with weeding after the baby.

 

We're taking a gamble on our home purchasing this week - we've decided to enter a backup contract on that one house we lost last week.  I'm not sure it'll work out for us either, and the seller's agent is being a total arse about the whole thing IMO, but of all the houses we've seen, we have only found two that we like and they both have significant drawbacks in terms of transacting - one we have the option to put in a backup contract on, and the other is priced about $12K above what we could realistically offer (property taxes and our approval limits hold us back), so we feel that by offering that lowball of a price, that it's a risk too.  I just feel like DH is just sort of following me along though - and my name won't even be on the home!  I love my DH but one of his big issues is that he's so eager to treat me like a queen and make me happy that if I express any sort of opinion, he just goes along with it.  Don't get me wrong, it's a better problem to have than the inverse, but I still feel like a manipulative wife.  And if something goes wrong, then I feel the brunt of the blame.

 

I am 38+3 today.  I vacillate between the belief that I will deliver early or right on time.  I'm debating on getting checked at my next midwifery appointment, but I'll be 39+3 if I make it to that appointment, so it sort of feels like if I can wait that long, then WTF is the point of getting checked then?  I'm just trying to relax these next weeks with the "treat yo'self" mentality.

 

My MIL is mad at me again.  Idk if any of you remember our last blowout a month or two ago, but that last blowout is when I really checked out of wanting any meaningful relationship with her outside of my children.  It's just sort of bubbling up again because DD1 wanted to spend the night at her house last night and I put my foot down and said no, which led to DD1 freaking the eff out (kicking the carseat and screaming, totally not a 4 year old's behavior, IMO) so I yelled at DD1 and told her she'd be sleeping in the playroom if she kept it up.  MIL started undermining me in front of DD1 in the midst of the tantrum so I told her that I'd handle the tantrum on my own, and it's my job to train my DD to be a citizen of the world, not to please her and be her best friend.  Now I look like asshole mom to MIL and she spent the AM talking to DH on the phone about how she thinks I am too harsh on DD1.

post #4 of 108

I'm so jealous, haurelia!  I want a maternity photo shoot!

 

I am so full of energy and so active, so much so compared with the last three months.  I'm in week 38. I wonder if it's because now that I'm far enough along that I don't have to worry about preterm labor, as well as being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I now feel like any aches/pains/twinges are nothing to focus on, not dangerous, and won't last much longer, and that's why they feel less severe.  I swear I feel more able to get around now than I used to.  Pre-labor burst of energy?  I dunno, but I'm loving it.

post #5 of 108

beep - Wow.  I'm impressed.  I'm so ready to just get through the last things I have to do this week and be entirely done with work.  I can't imagine working on the day I'm going to have the baby.

 

haurelia - Sounds like you're up to a lot with all the cleaning and canning.  It must be a bit of a relief to finally have it out to your OB practice that you're planning a home birth.  Hope the conversation with your regular provider goes well.  I managed to dodge that conversation by just switching countries.  My OB in El Salvador never found out we were planning a home birth in the U.S., and when she sent the midwife my prenatal records, she addressed them to Dr. _______ and I just never corrected her.

 

aidenn - I hope stuff with the house-hunt turns out well.  I can relate to the DH just going along with your opinions, decisions.  Except sometimes when my DH does it, he acts like it is more out of an "I don't want to rock the boat" attitude, rather than a "treat me like a queen" attitude.  With regards to the baby stuff, he pretty much always just cedes to me, sometimes suggesting we ask my mother for her opinion.  But I think it is more out of him really just feeling like he knows nothing about babies and kids.  He has more opinions on how he wants to raise our child and relate to our child once he's older, but pretty much lets me make all the calls about the baby care side of it all.

 

AFM: I've been a bit of an emotional wreck lately.  I'm not totally sure what's going on, if it's pregnancy/hormone related or what.  I was kinda slipping on my B-complex and fish oil supplements, so it might be related to that.  But I've gotten back to taking all of them (plus an herbal tincture for mood and relaxation that my midwife gave me) really regularly again.  I started getting pretty regular panic attacks again.  And when I was telling my MW about them, all I wanted to do was cry, but I was holding it all in because there was a student MW sitting in on our appointment and I didn't feel totally comfortable with her.  My MW suggested cranio-sacral therapy.  When we got out to the car after the appointment I had a panic attack and didn't feel like I could drive home.  So DH convinced me to go back in and tell the MW I was having one right now, and by then the student MW had left and my MW did a little mini craniosacral session with me, which did seem to help and then DH and I went home.
I feel like I'm just trying to hold everything together and acting like I have no vulnerabilities, so then all of a sudden it just reaches a breaking point.  I've got some fears about something going wrong at the last minute during my pregnancy or the baby having some kind of issue once he's born and I'm constantly just telling myself it's normal to worry some and just trying to push those thoughts away.

Last night when DH and I went for our night-time walk, he asked me how I was doing and I just broke down and started crying...telling him how I feel so much pressure right now, and on top of that I feel additional pressure cause I know he's kind of bored and he's pretty dependent on me for activities (he barely knows anyone here and doesn't drive and there's not great public transport), so I feel kind of guilty for his boredom and that just feels like more pressure.  And how what I really want is to just be well for the baby, and I'm scared the panic attacks will continue after the baby is here.  DH was really great about it all, reminding me that I have him for support always, and to not worry about him being bored.  And he really did make me feel better.

But then today, DH and I were trying to get out of the house to go send a Western Union wire to a friend who is going to pay our rent in El Salvador because I'm having issues with my internet banking, and all of a sudden my mom showed up and wanted DH to move the container with the birth tub out of our room because she's scared I'll trip over it.  So he did that, but then she kept asking me about a ton of other things that we know we need to get done soon to prep for baby.  And I was just feeling overwhelmed and kinda snapped at her.  I mean, we know what we need to do and we are doing it.  But then I felt bad, cause she was kinda offering to help with the stuff and has really just been so helpful already.  So then when DH and I finally got out of the house, I broke down crying again....once again just feeling so much pressure from all around.  He talked me down again, though, so that was good.  I ended up bringing her back an iced coffee and apologizing for snapping but explaining where I was coming from.

Ack, I just don't like these feelings coming up right during the home stretch.  A lot of the really more difficult and stressful stuff we needed to get done is already finished.  It's almost like all the pressure I was feeling was being bottled up so I could get all of that done, and now that there is actually less hanging over me, all the feelings of being overwhelmed are starting to come up.  Anyways, just needed to get all that off my chest.

post #6 of 108
Quote:
Originally Posted by haurelia View Post
 

My doula is a professional photographer, and has offered to do a maternity shoot as part of her service, so we're going to do that one evening this week. I didn't have maternity photos the first time around, so I'm excited. She's so cool...she's also offered to take pics during labor/birth/newborn and some family photos postpartum at no extra charge, we just have to buy whatever prints we want.  She's newer to the community, so I'm happy to help her get her name out! 

 

that is so cool! i believe my doula offers labor & newborn photography - i'd only want a few good newborn shots, no pics from labor. not sure if she charges extra for that, i'll have to ask her when we meet with her for the first time on Thursday!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by beep View Post

I need to work up to the end (I'm actually planning to work the day of my induction if I last that long--it is scheduled for 8pm) but I'm not doing it with good energy or attitude, which I feel is kind of unfair but I haven't been able to fix to my satisfaction. I don't want to lose one day from my 6 weeks off though!

My sister is married to a Canadian, lives in Canada, and had a baby eight days ago. She gets a full year off. With pay! I'm jealous, though pleased for her, and especially since this is her first and maybe only.

 

when is your induction scheduled, beep? it's a total shame how little time some people get off here. i'm from Europe where it's similar to Canada.. even Dads can get up to a year off! 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by aidenn View Post
 

We're taking a gamble on our home purchasing this week - we've decided to enter a backup contract on that one house we lost last week.  I'm not sure it'll work out for us either, and the seller's agent is being a total arse about the whole thing IMO, but of all the houses we've seen, we have only found two that we like and they both have significant drawbacks in terms of transacting - one we have the option to put in a backup contract on, and the other is priced about $12K above what we could realistically offer (property taxes and our approval limits hold us back), so we feel that by offering that lowball of a price, that it's a risk too. 

 

good luck on the house hunt front, aidenn! i've never owned a house so i can only imagine how much stress this must be to go through. i hope it all works out for you and sooner rather than later too!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafina33 View Post
 

I am so full of energy and so active, so much so compared with the last three months.  I'm in week 38. I wonder if it's because now that I'm far enough along that I don't have to worry about preterm labor, as well as being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I now feel like any aches/pains/twinges are nothing to focus on, not dangerous, and won't last much longer, and that's why they feel less severe.  I swear I feel more able to get around now than I used to.  Pre-labor burst of energy?  I dunno, but I'm loving it.

 

wow, i'm envious of everyone who still manages to be active this late in the game! i'm 36 weeks now and just too tired most of the time to accomplish anything.

 

birth month is here! my plan was to be done with everything necessary before birth by the end of August and i think we've reached that goal. if the baby came today, we'd be able to handle it!! 

 

we have one big home project left, which is to convert our office to a guest bedroom. planning to do this this week. we need to get our rug to a cleaner and the pets to the vet for a pre-baby checkup. 

 

in other news, people are slowly announcing that they want to come and visit. first there was no one, now i feel like we'll have to schedule them. well ok, it's still not nearly as many as other people might have coming, but we live far away from family so i tend to get easily overwhelmed :P

DF's godmother has booked her flight (without really doublechecking with us, but that's DF's fault, it's been on his to do list for weeks and he never got back to her.. so now she just booked her flight and picked the dates) and will be staying here (i assume) from 9/27-10/2. my EDD is 9/28, so now i'm wondering how likely it is i will have delivered before 10/2. she's the supermom and we're counting on her to show us how to handle a baby once it's out. 

DF's dad is on 24hr notice, so when i go into labor DF will notify him. his dad travels a lot for work, so fingers crossed he will be in the country when it happens!

a friend has said she will come down when the baby gets here too to visit and help if she can. that's really sweet i think. and she just had her first baby last year, so i'm sure she understands that we wouldn't want to overwhelm ourselves or the baby in those first days. 

and DF's brother's fiancée is suddenly expressing an interest in coming for a visit too. that one was a bit unexpected (we don't get along). i don't think i'd wanna see her / them before the birth, nor right after.   

 

in general, i'm feeling a bit of pressure from the outside.. people seem to think this baby is gonna come early. DF is impatient as F. while it's cute and all, it's getting on my nerves. and he recently told his family that i've started having contractions, although i'm not in labor, so now everyone seems to think the baby is gonna come sooner rather than later. ugh. i just want one last relaxing month and give this baby all the time it needs.. and while i'm pretty uncomfortable at this point, i am still in no rush to get him out!

 

one thing i liked, DF talked to his dad yesterday and told him we weren't gonna make it to his place in TX for Thanksgiving. instead, we're inviting everyone to come to CA to our place instead. i've never hosted a Thanksgiving dinner before but am sure we could manage, and it would be really nice to have it at our place to. i know there's still a lot of time before Thanksgiving, but i'm kind of glad that we're making plans so i don't have to think about it during the postpartum time (which i'm imagining to be really hard in itself). 

 

this week we're starting on the weekly visits to the OB, and we're having our first prenatal appt with our doula. looking forward to that! she's gonna come to our place which is awesome. 

 

in general, September is the last month we have to ourselves, so i'm hoping i can get some "me" time in.. in terms of figuring our my job future post-maternity leave. there are a few personal items on my list that i haven't gotten around to yet and this is the month to do them - OR NOT. and i DON'T wanna come out of maternity leave in December without a game plan for my own future.. knowing i probably won't go back to my old job (unless they give me a different manager and make other substantial changes, which is highly unlikely). i'm leaning towards going back to school for a 2yr professional degree, but the academic landscape is difficult to navigate in this regard and so i'll need to figure out where to apply, and when, and for which program. 

post #7 of 108
Quote:
Originally Posted by vc2013 View Post


when is your induction scheduled, beep? it's a total shame how little time some people get off here. i'm from Europe where it's similar to Canada.. even Dads can get up to a year off! 

in general, September is the last month we have to ourselves, so i'm hoping i can get some "me" time in.. in terms of figuring our my job future post-maternity leave. there are a few personal items on my list that i haven't gotten around to yet and this is the month to do them - OR NOT. and i DON'T wanna come out of maternity leave in December without a game plan for my own future.. knowing i probably won't go back to my old job (unless they give me a different manager and make other substantial changes, which is highly unlikely). i'm leaning towards going back to school for a 2yr professional degree, but the academic landscape is difficult to navigate in this regard and so i'll need to figure out where to apply, and when, and for which program. 

I'm scheduled for 9/12, when I'll be 38/6. The goal is no baby before 39 weeks unless she comes on her own. But it depends on how she and I do medically for the next 10 days--and of course also if she decides to make a surprise appearance.

What kinds of school are you considering?
post #8 of 108
I'm heading to work right now and dreading it. I'm still exhausted from last night. I need more rest. I'm 38.6 today.

I'm so jealous of Canadians it's not even funny. I'm probably only going to take four weeks...
post #9 of 108
Omg CDsMom I don't know how your doing it.

I'm getting 6 months off, I can take up to a year but I only get a statutory benefit not full pay so need to go back before our money runs out. I couldn't take only a few weeks, that must be awful.
post #10 of 108

haurelia, I admire you for washing the blinds. The thought has crossed my mind and then I think "eh..." Sounds like you're having a lovely weekend. I plan to do some cooking later today, heading out to the grocery store soon which hopefully will be fairly quiet.

 

beep, I'm so sorry that you have such a short maternity leave! So many countries around the world have much more progressive policies and I've wondered why the US is so mom unfriendly. Ten more days, you can do it!

 

aidenn, ugh for in law stress. DH doesn't have a very close relationship with his parents and I'm hoping that trend continues after the birth. They are perfectly fine people but we have no common interests whatsoever and I like being independent. Hope it all works out with the housing situation.

 

serafina, good to hear you're doing well and enjoying the last few weeks of your pregnancy.

 

lilmamita, relax and breathe! I get what you're saying about stress and bottling things up because you feel the need to stay strong. Nobody wants to hear about your fears and doubts, everyone asks about your excitement, implying that if you feel anything other than that you're a bad person. It also sounds like maybe you're trying to please everybody by putting on a brave face when what you really need is someone who will just listen to you for a while, like the talk you were able to have with your DH. Keep talking about it, to him, to your mom if you can, or vent away here!

 

vc, I hope it all works out with your guests and scheduling visits. I know that I'm the kind of person who prefers to be left alone and if I need help I'll (eventually give in and) ask for it. Enjoy your me time and I'm curious: what are you thinking of going back to school for?

 

CDsmom, when are you able to go on leave? Four weeks sounds so soon to go back, does your employer offer any flexibility in that?

 

We're having a fairly quiet weekend too, got the office straightened up, the bookshelves fixed, took the recycling. I still have lots of stuff I want to get done before the baby comes so I can't just sit around for the next two weeks. I keep adding things to the list too, it's never ending. At some point I know I will have to make peace with the fact that it'll never be complete and I will never have it all together but I keep thinking it's possible...

post #11 of 108

Thanks, dakipode.  I'm actually feeling so much better after an afternoon at the pool with DH, despite the fact that afterwards we went to the best (and greasiest) hamburger joint in town and now I feel so bloated I may explode.  But clearly, despite the digestive woes, some relaxation and play did me some real good.  And yeah, I think I need to keep talking about doubts and fears, cause pushing them to the side clearly wasn't working.

post #12 of 108

Four weeks is my choice. I only have 21 hours of PTO to use and we really can't afford to be without my income. And I can go on leave at any time. I'm still working because I want to. =) I really don't feel bad and I love my job, so it's not an inconvenience for me to still be doing this. I'm just a little slower and a little lazier than normal, LOL.

post #13 of 108

lilmamita -hugs! I understand about moodiness!  I get weepy fits from time to time, too.  I think it's hormones.

 

vc - I would not handle having so many houseguests post partum but it sounds like probably they will be great helpers and hopefully so.  I just can't handle lack of privacy for more than, say, 1 night when it comes to any guest other than my mother.  She's in the US so she'll probably wait and come visit for Christmas since she will do only one visit between now and our wedding next summer.

 

I'm trying to figure out what the ground rules are for DF's family coming to stay with us to meet the baby.  How do I politely say, "If you come over for a couple/few days and basically plan to slave away at cooking and cleaning for us the 99% of the time you're not snuggling the newborn --so your presence really makes life easier rather than creating more work-- then welcome any time!"

 If, however, it's going to be a typical visit where they just arrive ready to socialize with us and the new baby,  then I'd rather they wait at LEAST 2 weeks while we get a routine established and I feel more ready to handle the extra housework and social pressures of having houseguests.  Plus, if they visit during times when my kids are here and not at their dad's, then they can help by providing entertainment and attention and chaueffering to my older kids, in case we are too exhausted and sleep deprived to be very much fun with them.  How to add that bit in there, tactfully...... hmmmm......?  

There's also the added bit that DF's mom and sister don't speak English so it just isn't that comfy of a vibe, for me personally, who tires of hearing the language they speak quite rapidly and it quickly makes me feel like the outsider in the group--in my own home.  Not something I want to deal with post partum for at least some weeks.  On the other hand, they are important to DF and I love him so much so I don't want to be a total witch-with-a-b (as I used to say in middle school), since this is the family's first grandchild and it's a big deal.

 

Oh why don't they live closer so they can come by for half hour visits and then LEAVE??  They all have to travel for 2-4 hours to get here.  Sigh.

post #14 of 108
I'm jealous of anyone who's got nesting urges right now or is just getting stuff done. I had all sorts of good intentions to do a bunch of around the house things today and all I managed was half a sinkfull of dishes. Oh well.
post #15 of 108

Had a great labor day today. Basically did nothing. Literally :D

 

Went out to brunch, and the heat wiped me out so much that we had to come back home to rest. Which ended up translating into me and DH basically spending all day in bed - napping, chatting, petting the cats, basically enjoying each other's company. Perfect.

post #16 of 108
Mom is here, and she brought my great-nephew (who is entirely adorable when not doing the 2 yo pterodactyl scream!) to visit as well.
The last couple of days, we have had to go shopping for school supplies and a few outfits for the kiddos, and I have found myself feeling very conspicuous, with a car full of four kids (!) and my very pregnant belly. No one has been anything other than polite, but I personally feel weird about it. Is that crazy? I mean, I will have four here permanently, when mom and nephew go back home, and four only one less than five, but wow it seems excessive to me.
(Probably because I only ever wanted two, and we basically inherited the oldest two when their dad died.)
post #17 of 108
Thread Starter 

Soooo...canned 52 pints of sweet corn today with a friend while wrangling our LOs at her house. I thought for sure Murphy's law would force me into labor mid-process, but it's all done and I'm home post-dinner with kind of a wicked backache (and lots of corn to put in the stores until next summer). 

 

serafina, I'm struggling with the whole visitation thing too.  It's just going to be a mess with hurt feelings no matter how we handle it, I'm afraid. guilty.gif

post #18 of 108

Is anyone else feeling significantly less movement from their babe recently? Today, my girl has been super quiet. She's still moving plenty, so I'm not concerned there's a problem. I'm just hoping she's too far down or preparing to come out, so she's moving less.

 

Can you tell I'm getting impatient? LOL 39 weeks today!

post #19 of 108

haurelia - I'm jealous of your canning achievements; I had such lofty goals with regards to canning for this Summer, but they all promptly went out the window as the weeks went on :blush

 

CDsMom - maybe? I wouldn't say less, just different type of movements. But I don't think my baby has dropped, so that might make a difference.

post #20 of 108
So much going on. To all the mamas still working-wow. Seriously, wow. The two pregnancies I worked out of the house, I was done at 36 weeks. D. O. N. E. You are nothing short of amazing. Period.

Haurelia-52 pints?? That makes me tired just thinking about it. Well done!

I can't imagine having family visit ad stay with me so soon after a baby. But I'm also very weird about people being in my space for any amount of time anyway. I also think there's a divide between having houseguests and having help come-and I think it's rude of anyone to visit new parents in a houseguest capacity-but again, I'm funny about that.

I plan on limiting visitors at the hospital to 20 or so minutes, and getting the nurses to help me out with that. In my experiences they seem to be very wiling to usher people out of needed. Fortunately there's not a lot of people who would visit that I'm very worried about, but I'd rather have them at the hospital than my home. Once I'm home I just want to veg and relax as much as I can because I have all the older kids to jump back into life with, and I know it will happen faster than I'd like.

I met with the student midwife/doula this morning and I really liked her. I'm so excited to have actual knowledgable labor support. Squee!!!

I'm also super excited for my chiropractor appt Thursday. The practice specializes in pregnancy and I've just started having consistent hip pain and lower back pain, so I'm ready for a good pop and crack...lol. But I also feel like my pelvis is wonky and that's why baby is riding so very high, so once I get adjusted hopefully she'll settle in deeper and help get this show on the road.
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