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September chat thread - Page 4

post #61 of 109

okay- what is CIO?

post #62 of 109

cry it out :(

post #63 of 109

CIO = Cry It Out (to get baby to "self-soothe" to sleep)


I just (ha-- "just!") want a soul connection too, like I have with my other friends...  Those of whom have kids are not really local, though, and my local friends w/o kids would be and are happy to have Miss L around, AND I don't particularly desire to talk "mom shop" all day, the issue is more that they are not home during the weekdays, so we can't get together then-- that's what I'd like and am looking for.  Sure, DH is home a LOT, but since Miss L wakes early now, MWF it is just me at home (sometimes walking to our downtown little city/near suburb of a big city) from ~6:30 am to 3:30 pm-- 9 hours!  Which I used to do before she was born, I guess (since I WAH)...  but it feels more isolating and unnatural... for HER, KWIM?




I 100% do not want to do the AP p!ssing match (plus, I'd lose!)  So I don't really care about parenting philosophies... not really (I can see that being more of an issue in toddlerhood and beyond, maybe, if discipline strategies are very, very different). 


But I guess I run into trouble when our ways of life/parenting are different AND all that's being discussed are babies and parenting and whatnot.  If it was just one or the other, I'd personally be fine.  I can talk AP all day if you let me...  though I'd imagine that would get old after a while.  And I can bond with other women (I do enjoy the company of women!) regardless of family/parenting styles/whatever.  But not if  that's all THEY want to talk about AND I have nothing in common with them...  Does that make sense?


I did go to that meetup run by a woman in my neighborhood who had a HB with my MWs (rare and serendipitous!) and that was much better.  We didn't talk too much mom shop, but when we did, it felt more comfortable with those women.  They were also more... well, euphemistically, "diverse," but not middle class+ white women, to be frank.  Some of my best friends are middle class+ white women!  :wink  But there's some class/race stuff that almost always comes up in a group when they are predominant.  Around this area, anyway.  And that becomes uncomfortable for me, too.  So...  I am picky, and my standards impossible to meet!  No, not really.  But there is a sort of classed/raced language that I can only barely get by in, and when I can speak more of my native tongue, so to speak, I am definitely happier.  Anyway...  It went fairly well.  I feel I clicked somewhat with the organizer (who, turns out, lives a block away-- yay!) and somewhat with another mom and dad...  and slightly less-so with a mom whom I had actually met before (another client of my MWs-- seriously, what were the chances?)  But it's looking up a bit, anyway.  


I'm definitely lucky to be in a major metro area, and in a part of it that is A) socioeconomically very diverse and B) leans sort of... well, not totally "crunchy," but there's enough granolas around here, anyway...  :treehugger    Which is more important for things like, just... not feeling super uncomfortable nursing around other folks, etc.

post #64 of 109

yeah the abbreviations in this group really lose me, i still don't know most of them. google is useless for them so i gave up caring months ago. 


i rolled my ankle yesterday and pinched a nerve in my back. i was so incredibly desperate being home all day alone with naomi (i made it a whole week and it was actually great!)

that i made a turmeric and raw local honey tea i am vegan, i haven't used honey in years, so it was a big deal. i just HATE the taste of turmeric. no amount of lemon can make me want to ingest it willingly. but the darned tea worked. back is 100% better and ankle is fine.


i had a jogging date this morning-also naomi's first stroller experience. a mama neighbor of mine had her baby girl 1 month (minus 3 days) ahead of me, but we never hang out. so i felt like i was dying going up these dang hills jogging with a stroller while she's just perfect looking and perky (she's a perfectly fit runner with madonna buff arms). i am 30 shades of beet red sweaty blotched gross and my ponytail was falling out. my ass was sweating. real nice like. but i made it and it was really really wonderful to get out and hang out with another mama. jillian michaels is failing me in my home workout. the only thing i'm shredding is my yoga mat. which i'm proud to say is being used, for that reason only. but it's being used. 

here's a picture of our girls at a nursing pitstop.


also, my neighbor uses CIO with eva. i am literally her neighbor and can hear eva crying all hours of the day/night, but i just keep my mouth shut about other people's parenting, unless it's abusive, it's not my place. she's a really nice mama though and i'm grateful for her being there.



post #65 of 109
 the only thing i'm shredding is my yoga mat



post #66 of 109
Omg. So clarissa just pooped and now has the worst rash. It's like it burned her skin. She was in her tummy when it happened so it went up towards her vagina and its sooo red and she's screaming in pain greensad.gif(((. I applied some diaper rash balm but what else can I do? It's bedtime and she's probably not going to sleep very well now. She has never had a rash before so I don't know what to do.

Is it connected to teething? She just had four teeth come out on top. I heard somewhere that the acid in their saliva comes out when the teeth are done. Is there any truth to this more experienced mamas?
post #67 of 109
IME teething can cause rashes as well as new foods.
But also, IME, rash creams can work super fast and baby's skin usually heals really quickly if the rash is minor and not yeast. Hope she sleeps well!

I'm still suffering with nerve issues, now in both shoulders, and a very sore neck. It's basically because I have been off my meds for my gut stuff (ran out, no insurance, waiting on paperwork, finally sucking it up and paying out of pocket for a bottle today) and so inflammation is flaring up in the rest of my body. I've been taking turmeric, alfalfa, vitamin D3, ginger and even a few days of corticosteroids. I just feel like the inflammation keeps moving and getting worse after one area feels almost better. Plus the steroid is making me totally bonkers... Very depressed today and screamed at ds2 greensad.gif I have a friend up here now helping clean, brought the boys lunch and something for me to pop in the oven for dinner. And of course that made me cry. Steroids are the devil.

Once the steroid is out of my system, and my old meds kick in, I'm sure I'll be feeling much better.

Thanks to those of you who check in and post here when you have time. I love reading up and seeing how you're all doing.
post #68 of 109
Thread Starter 
So on the subject of motherhood and friendships, my guy friends have disappeared. I just realized that today. I think they have a hard time relating to this version of me. I don't think there's anything I can do about that. It is what it is.
post #69 of 109

odinsmama that sounds so rough :(. Hoping you get back to yourself soon!


Also, kellybeth, LOLing at shredding the yoga mat!! I am also really out of shape but have yet to experience that around another human-- especially one who is clearly not out of shape at all like your neighbor! I've been taking walks with Lou during the day (nothing too high impact) but it's been so muggy here that I come home drenched in sweat and then strip off all my clothes and plop myself down on the couch as if I've run a marathon. I have a walking date with an old high school friend (who moved here, and has a baby around the same age) and I'm kind of nervous that I'll be huffing and puffing the whole time!


typebug, I SO know what you mean. After my first it was difficult in some ways to keep up friendships with men. I'm still close to one of them (also a HS friend and we dated for a little, too) but I think that's because he was totally chill with me nursing in front of him, talking about my kids, complaining about my kids, etc. And he would initiate conversation with me about my kids, too! That's pretty rare for any friend who doesn't have kids, male or female, I think. Even though he was a young 20-something who lived a typically dudely lifestyle we still stayed connected. 

post #70 of 109
"Thanks to those of you who check in and post here when you have time. I love reading up and seeing how you're all doing."

Yeah, that! (Can you tell I'm mobile? Like always?)

Same sentiments here. Sorry to hear about pains, Kellybeth and Odinsmama; hope the rash exits quickly, Jenny (breastmilk, coconut oil, and fresh air are my go-to's); and to everyone: I'm so enjoying reading the mama friend conversation!! I can't wait to participate!

But grateful, grateful, grateful, for you mamas. Thank you so much for this community. <3
post #71 of 109
Originally Posted by buko View Post

I also think your expectations are too high.


I have been accused of that before.  :rotflmao  At least when it comes to interpersonal relationships.


I just hate small talk.  I mean, I don't hate small talk, but I do kinda hate tiny talk.  Like, to me, small talk = how many siblings do you have, isn't it interesting how birth order affects us, did you go to school around here, did you see that movie that just came out that takes place at [neighborhood school], I saw it and it was terrible, here's why, blah blah blah.  But tiny talk = the weather sure is brisk, have you tried the new latte at Starbucks.  I mean, some tiny talk at first, okay, maybe.  But when that's all it is?  My mind goes numb.



DH tells me that I'm too sensitive/have too high of expectations with people so when they let me down I tend not to give them a second chance, but I'm of the opinion that I don't need more acquaintances (I have WAY too many of those as it is), what I'm looking for is a really good friend. If you're super flakey and keep sending me messages about how you want to get together but then back out or make excuses in the last minute, I'm no longer interested in trying with you. It's not that I'm shutting the door, it's just that the ball is in your court now. Another problem I seem to have is that I gravitate toward the kind of people who have a tendency to move away (often halfway across the world), so it feels like I'm in a perpetual state of looking for irl friends while my online friend list gets larger... but I often can't chat with my online friends due to the baby smashing her hands on my keyboard whenever she sees the laptop open.


I greatly dislike small talk because it feels like that's all I get these days and want to have  REAL chat with someone. DH and I seem to be drifting apart, so I don't even get anything from him anymore.

After pouting for a while about losing my one good mama friend to Ontario, I joined a few local FB Mama groups and registered for this Baby's First Book thing at the library where 's all 0-18 month babies who play together while the moms chat. I get the impression that I'll find some people I might get along with there but the first meet up was a lot of comparisons, which I didn't enjoy. Mila is hitting her milestones very early and I'm super proud of her but I have to downplay it in front of other moms because it sounds like I'm bragging. Yes, a lot of it has to do with genetics (I was walking by 9 months and so were both of my brothers), but I spent a lot of time researching various aspects of pregnancy, birth, and early exercises/toys/development and I feel like I put in a lot of time and effort to ensure that I'm making the best choices for her (not to mention the sacrifices made to my body), so why don't I get to revel a bit in the outcome? I'm very aware that babies develop at different times and in different ways, and when I proudly announce that she's almost walking at 7 months I am in no way also saying that there is anything wrong with a baby is not crawling yet at that age, I'm just being proud of my little Hulk baby.


Baby is stirring now BUT I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY!! I miss posting! I'm still lurking, I promise. You guys are awesome!



One more thing: Why does it still say April 2013 DDC? This has been there for months and makes my eye twitch a little every time I see it

Edited by Teles - 9/21/13 at 7:57am
post #72 of 109
"Mila is hitting her milestones very early..."

I hear you, Teles! I couldnt quote everything because I'm inept at working my phone, but yes, yes, yes. I'm SO not bragging when I talk about my little super baby. I'm amazed by her, and there's a little of this, "Can you *believe* it?!" but mostly it's just, like, almost terror. For me. Personally, I did nothing to influence O's development, except for being really hands-off - though that's awesome, Teles! - and I'm kind of helplessly overwhelmed at the rate at which Olive is mastering stuff.

So. Working it into conversations is awkward for me, too. I just usually let people notice on their own, and then nod, and say, "Yeah... she does that." Because usually their babies are still blessedly stranded on a blanket or something while mine is trying to run off, get into drawers and cabinets and baskets, and generally make me go, go, go.

Don't get me wrong. My baby is crazy-awesome in my eyes and I'm super proud of her... I just kinda wish her stages had lasted more than, like, a minute.

post #73 of 109
I don't know. I think as a first-time mom I sometimes find myself getting caught up in wanting my child to be "advanced" and wanting others to recognize that, but I realize that is my own insecurity. I research/ed the holy h3ll out of everything from pregnancy to birth to babywearing to cognitive development to solid foods-- in fact, I dare anyone to prove she's done more research-- I've already read almost all 600+ pages of threads in the Toddlers forum. Sheepish.gif

But that's about me and my needs (my comfort level-- having ADHD, I feel better being overprepared because otherwise I get very frazzled, very quickly)-- it's not about my baby. I honestly don't-- especially with my girl under a year old!-- take "credit" for any "advancement" that may or may not be observable to others. It's just too early and too much of a crapshoot IMO-- and I used to believe in about 95% nurture and 5% nature! But it's not just nature vs. nurture at this age, I think-- there's just a much wider variation of normal than there will be at age 5 or 15 or 25. A lot of it evens out-- moms of more than one or two kids have proven that to me. Even if she were reading at 9 months-- maybe especially if she were!-- I wouldn't take credit for that, even though I do "everything right." Oh, yeah-- she doesn't have the dead-eyed stare of neglect, but other than that? It's not that maybe I won't deserve "credit" someday (maybe! maybe!)... but it's simply too early to call that. I'm not seeking any validation-- or trying not to-- from my kid's development, behavior, etc. It even makes me uncomfortable when I get too many compliments (esp on her "behavior," being a "good baby," etc), because she'll have bad days, too, YK? She'll be "behind" in some area, at least temporarily (or not-- I got 3 wrong on the entire SAT and still can't tell left from right), and I don't want any perceived "deficiency" to throw me into self-doubt WRT my parenting.

I mean, I'm totally neurotic, but this attitude is what I strive for, lest I go crazy(ier). winky.gif
post #74 of 109
I am writing this from my phone, apologies for any autocorrect weirdness.
I don't have the comparison thing I guess, I mean, I notice that other babies aren't crawling, like our neighbor's daughter who is a month older, but I just don't think anything of it. If someone mentions how omg she's already doing xyz, I just say yeah. She's pulling herself up to standing too and I'm more just concerned about all the things she is getting into. Such a troublemaker. smile.gif

Teles, hubby put up the bed rails today. I can finally reclaim one of my arms. I do feel like I'm sleeping in a big crib though. If I lay on my side it reminds me of a mosquito net around the bed.
post #75 of 109

Yeah, some of your babies are insane with all the standing unassisted and starting to think about walking.... That is just CRAZY!


DD1 and DS started crawling at 6.5 months and DD2 started at 7 months, but everyone else I know had babies that didn't start crawling till after 8 months.  


That being said, both girls didin't walk till right at 14 month.  I wouldn't be surprised if DS waited that long too.  He is cruising already though and seems to want to stand a bit unassisted, but has not quite it yet.  


I try not to get worried about milestones, not always easy, but it all works out.

post #76 of 109


here's naomi this morning inspecting the bed rail. 

post #77 of 109

What a little cutie!  She looks like she approves!


We are all sick in my house.... Not great.  DD2 I think has an ear ache and a bad cough (she has been sick for 8 days), DS has a cough and so much mucus, he can't nurse easlily, and I have to do saline and suck out the snot.  He can then nurse for one time then I need to do it again.  He is nursing maybe every 6 hours.... I am worried about dehydration and losing weight.  He has had it for 7 days and then dd1 and DH and I are all feeling sick and a bit of a sore throat.  DS has been biting me since he has a stuffy nose and I am scared to nurse him now.... Anyone have any suggestions?

post #78 of 109
Oh, ChloesMama, I'm so sorry! That sounds awful. Big sympathetic hugs to your family!!

No real suggestions here, except that I was raised by a very homeopathic-minded mother so I feel very comfortable using that for my girl. When she had a cold a few weeks ago, I Googled her symptoms ("homeopathy for gasping cough," etc) every couple of hours, as they changed, and gave her the corresponding remedy. I'm lucky enough to have a big kit at my fingertips, but I know that most drug stores have a decent selection now. If nothing else, Bioron's Tiny Cold tabs help a bunch.

I hope you guys are able to snuggle down and read books and enjoy homemade soup (made by someone else)! Good luck. <3
post #79 of 109
Ok, I admit that the whole milestone thing makes me more than a little uncomfortable. Our babies are ALL AWESOME and they're all learning so much, every minute of every day! We're all INCREDIBLE MAMAS!! Okay, that's it. <3

Perhaps related? I want to revisit the hard-time-finding-local-mama-friends convo. I thought I'd missed the boat but my sweet girl is STILL nestled in the crook of my arm for a long mid-morning nap so it appears I've got time...

My "best" friend has a baby, ten months older; I technically got pregnant the day she was born, on my birthday! Crazy. Anyway, we've known each other since we were babies, but it's always been a difficult relationship. I'm really open - too open? - and she's more guarded, and that translates to our parenting styles too. So we talk and hang out, but it's definitely not easy. More like a required, "Okay-let's-catch-up-quickly-so-we-can-go-home-and-have-a-break-before-we-do-it-again," kinda thing. Yes. Uncomfortable.

I have closer female friends that *don't* have babies, and they enjoy my baby and our time without baby. That's fabulous, and I'm lucky.

I met a mama at my midwife's office with a boy one month older than Olive, and we really hit it off. I like her and her family a lot. Her parenting style is sorta similar, and we get along as people as well as mamas. We've gotten together on a few occasions, including library storytimes and visits, playground dates with her older son and my nannying charges, and even a visit to their house. We also attended a yoga class together, even though we were both in such a hurry to get back to our babies that we couldn't stay to chat! Ha. I'm crossing my fingers for that friendship - and for similar ones to bloom for all of you ladies!
post #80 of 109

I know this has been said, but LLL s a great place to find local mommies.  When we lived in San Diego, I had a group of moms that I met in Lamaze class and they were nice and I loved having them around to play and bounce ideas off of... they had different parenting styles (only one bf up to a year, and not beyond... co-sleeping ended at 6 weeks for each of them... went right for rice cereal at 6 months, those kind of things).  It was invaluable to have those connections, especially with my first.... even though it was mostly a friendship based on our kids being similar ages.... I would have lost my mind if I didn't have them.


Fast forward to now. I moved to Fresno right after DD2 was born, and while fresno is much less 'crunchy', I have found some amazing friends, each family has one child the same age as mine.... so, it doesn't ever match up with all the kids, but it still works.  I met some of them at LLL meetings and others through a yahoo group here (called APfresno or something).  There is also a huge homeschool community here and even if you don't plan on hsing, those type parents may have similar parenting styles, even though they will have older kids if they are HSing.  


When it was just DD1 and I, we had playdates at least 2 times a week and there were some great FREE classes through the city college in San Diego, and I think lots of Adult Ed programs have parenting classes like that.  Those were so much fun and got us out of the  house.  


I feel so busy now, that it is rare that we get out of the house even once a week.  Mostly our outings are just us going to get groceries or another errand.  


Hope this gives some ideas to you mamas!

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