Jenny - Oh, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Depression is the pits and the hopelessness that comes with it is just plain awful. I won't defend your DP, because it sounds like he is not even passing the first test of being helpful in this situation, but I will say that most people have no idea what depression is like and don't know how to be helpful for someone who is depressed. I can't tell you how many totally insensitive things I've heard from partners and friends when I've reached out for help for my depression over the years. I'm wondering if there is any way you could access professional care for your depression - because I have found in my struggles with depression that since most people are so bad at being helpful, it is often such a relief when you finally talk to someone who has been trained in dealing with it. Also, it seems like contacting someone now will make it a lot easier to get help if PPD becomes a real issue for you after the baby has come. I hope Tilly's experience is true for you, too, and that you get relief once the baby is here. But I think it might also be helpful to find someone to talk about this with now. It will hopefully bring you some relief sooner, and also provide you with some preparation in case having the baby doesn't clear it up completely. There's also a book called Feeling Good that an old roommate and I have both found really helpful at different times during our struggles with depression. I don't think it substitutes professional care, but I do think it can be a big help to put your depressed thoughts into perspective and give you some ideas about how to break free of them. Just note that the way it is written is at times a little cheesy, but if you can get past that, the different information and exercises given can be very helpful.
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Weekly Thread 9/9-9/15. - Page 8post #141 of 1609/14/13 at 6:19pmpost #142 of 1609/14/13 at 6:58pm
Jennyanydots - I think you've gotten a lot of good advice about depression and PPD, but in case this is a late-pregnancy passing phase, I wanted to share something that helped me. I read this article that a friend linked to me from Huffington Post and it hit home for me. I know the age-spread of your children is a little bit bigger, but my favorite quote is, "You are not a terrible parent if you yell at your kids sometimes. You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they'd be put in prison."
tillymonster - There is a FB group, but it's set to secret. One of the admins (Jamie?) should be able to send you an invite! Also, you reminded me to thank my DH how helpful he is after the baby is here. He does all the middle of the night changes even though he's returning to work. For as unsympathetic as he is in pregnancy, he was a badass champion in labor and postpartum.post #143 of 1609/14/13 at 8:21pmLilmamita, thanks for the advice and for understanding. I think I will look for someone to talk to sooner rather than later- it's hard to find a counselor I really like, and I've been through a few. When you find the right person it can be incredibly helpful, you're right. I've had issues with depression on and off over the years, and I know what you mean about unsupportive friends/partners... I think it's either something you've experienced and understand, or it looks like whiny self indulgence.
Aidenn, thanks. I'll read that article. Great quote. It's funny- I use a similar, but inverse, line on my kids when they get demanding- I say "this is not a democracy, it's a benevolent dictatorship."post #144 of 1609/14/13 at 9:26pm
CDsmom, I hope that means something will start for you soon!
Same for you, freckledmama!
Jenny, yes, get the help you need. Depression is a strange beast and a tough condition. I agree that finding a good counselor is like dating, you have to see a couple of them before you find the right fit. I wish you strength and courage.
nettlesoup, if you're still around I'm thinking of you!post #145 of 1609/15/13 at 3:32amJenny I suffered with depression during my pregnancy and its only once I had the baby and I feel so good that I realise it was a lot worse than I thought. My DB commented that its been so long since he's seen me happy. I felt that all the way through my pregnancy he was no support what so ever, but I think the depression was probably making it worse and me extra sensitive. Turns out my DB was awesome during the birth and after, he's helping with everything and we are just enjoying being together as a little family. Try and talk to someone, it really does help and remember your nearing the end now.post #146 of 1609/15/13 at 5:02ampost #147 of 1609/15/13 at 7:18amThread StarterMy non stress test and bio physical profile ultrasound are tomorrow. I really hope she does well because I know my doctor is going to bring up eviction regardless... And it'll just fuel his fire if she doesn't pass with flying colors. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to keep that appointment. Sigh.
Five days overdue. I've been having contractions all weekend though, so I would hope I'm at least dilated enough that he can do a stretch and sweep tomorrow...
My goal is to put off eviction until next Monday. I'll be 41.6 and it's DH's birthday. Plus that gives her ample time to come on her own... I just wish my water would break... Or SOMETHING. Ugh.
Nettle, I hope yesterday went well. Can't wait to hear!!!
Mama, sorry you have a cold. Quite a few ladies in my last DDC are sick right now, too. Fall came storming in and brought a bunch of sickness, I guess.post #148 of 1609/15/13 at 8:03am
CD- could you "forget" your appointment? If her numbers are fine could you maybe discuss holding off any induction until 41/6? Would your doctor work with that or is he not okay with that? Remember you do not have to consent to anything. Follow your gut and don't let them bully you. It sounds encouraging that you have been having contractions! Sounds like your body is getting ready to go <3
I hear of a lot of omen getting a cold before labor but yesterday it was almost 70 degrees in the morning and by early afternoon it was cold and rainy. Today is just cold now. Which...I have no cold weather maternity clothes. LOL I only have warm weather stuff so I don't know how I'm gonna dress! I refuse to buy new pants but I know these last few days, if they are cold, are gonna be a fashion nightmare!post #149 of 1609/15/13 at 8:07amThread StarterI'm sure he will if my NST is good. He's been really good about going with my flow thus far. He's even letting me VBAC, which he's normally against.
I just lost more plug. It was on my pants when I pulled them down to pee. =D This plug was brown, as opposed to my clear one yesterday. Going commando this late in the game is apparently a bad idea, haha.post #150 of 1609/15/13 at 8:15am
mama ana: getting A cold or getting cold? My optimistic symptom spotting self wants it to be the latter. It's been insanely wet here this past week and temps have dropped and I'm getting cold, hoping that it's a sign of dropping progesterone levels, or whatever hormonal shift needs to happen to start labor.
CDsmom: sending good labor vibes to you!post #151 of 1609/15/13 at 8:19ampost #152 of 1609/15/13 at 8:38am
I know this is not labor prep or on topic, but since this is the chat thread I wanted to just share my happy dance that my first item sold in my new etsy shop. I've been painting almost everyday for two weeks straight, 50 items so far, and finally someone bought one! This bag is headed to England:
And my best friend who threw me the surprise baby shower has a daughter who loves all things girly so I made her gold mary janes, and some shoes for her mom:
I guess I had to replace gardening with something now that the weather is past for planting things. Although I wonder when my corn will be ready. :)post #153 of 1609/15/13 at 9:46amSerafina, gorgeous! What a fun hobby. Congrats on your sale!
Cdsmom, yay for losing more plug! Hope this means you'll go on your own any day now.
Mama Ana, sorry you're feeling sick & chilly. I'm in the same boat with seasonal maternity clothes- thankfully I've got some yoga pants that I can wear. I just hate the ordeal of lacing up tennis shoes right now, so if it gets too chilly for flip flops, I'll be irritated. Lol.
Serena, thanks for your support. I'm glad your depression lifted after your little one was born. Hearing that from you and Tilly has given me some optimism. And honestly, every day is different. Two days ago I was miserable, but yesterday was mostly a great day, and today I feel good and clear headed.
We are supposed to have a BBQ today, and expect about 15-20 friends, and woke up to thunderstorms! Ah well. The rain is lovely. We'll see who still shows up.post #154 of 1609/15/13 at 10:02am
very nice serafina - your stuff looks awesome!
MamaAna- Sorry you've got a cold and are feeling cold. It's still hotter than Hell in Texas.
CDsMom - Hip hip hurray on losing so much mucus plug. I keep getting all anxious and hoping to see some every time I pull my pants down...but alas, nothing yet. Hope your doc is cool with your plan and that you and your babe's exams go well.
AFM: I had my MW appt yesterday. Not too much to report as they are kinda perfunctory at this point. She did make mention of the full moon next week, but mostly just told me that it is likely that I will feel lots of cramping for the 5 days around it. Not sure if she was trying to bring it up without getting my hopes up or what. But maybe the change in barometric pressure will give us the little push we need to go into labor. I brought up my concern about having enough time to get the baby's passport and she seemed convinced we could probably get a passport within 2.5 weeks of the birth, if we pay the expediting fees. DH also mentioned that he is the only one who has to travel back on Oct 23, which of course, I had already considered. But it made me feel a little better that he is starting to see that as a possibility that we shouldn't freak out about.post #155 of 1609/15/13 at 10:37ampost #156 of 1609/15/13 at 10:38am
Jenny - so sorry you're feeling like that. i'm not really depressed, but i get something like mini anxiety attacks throughout the day (usually about 3) and during them, i feel depressed too.. fortunately it goes away as soon as the anxiety is gone but it's still making me feel weird. i told my MW about it last week, did you tell your practitioner? some people seem to get depressed in late pregnancy - my doula actually said something like 80% of women get depressed during or after pregnancy. btw, i'm feeling a bit less anxious since i've started making post-birth plans for MYSELF. vague career / school plans for in a year from now - and a vague plan to start volunteering about half a year into parenthood. "knowing" that life will go on after i have this baby makes me feel a whole lot better! it sounds to me like making plans for something career-related or social might be worth a try for you, too?
MamaAna - ugh right there with you! DF just came down with his THIRD COLD IN A ROW and now i'm feeling under the weather again myself. :( does it ever stop? i've been sick for more than a month again!!!!!! hope you feel better soon!
CDsMom - thinking of you! losing a brown mucus plug sounds like things are starting to move?
Serafina - i find it so inspiring that you're still doing your leather thing! it's great to be doing stuff that's not baby-related so close before birth. i was obsessing with symptoms a couple weeks ago, but have now determined that my baby most likely will NOT be on time, so i'm occupying my mind with unrelated things now, too
AFM - we just had to cancel the last trip we had planned to San Francisco. we wanted to hang out with the friends we're considering as guardians for our son, and ask them how they feel about it and all. alas, it's a bit of a drive from here and neither of us feel up for it :( so we canceled, and will be spending this Sunday at home trying to recover from this new cold wave asap. i'm sad we didn't get to go, i've been missing the city and this also means we're most likely not gonna get out of here until we're well into Winter! :( or when did you non-FTMs first take your newborns on a day trip?post #157 of 1609/15/13 at 4:05pmpost #158 of 1609/15/13 at 4:21pmThread Starterpost #159 of 1609/15/13 at 6:35pmGood luck CDsMom and lilmamita!
Thanks for all the well wishes, everyone. We're still in the hospital, but will be heading home tomorrow (jaundice gods permitting).
Our little boy finally has a name - Cailan Orion, he's as sweet as can be, I could spend hours just watching him,sleep.
But he refuses to make anything easy, so we're working on getting him to breastfeed. Good thing is we had one perfect feed with the LC's help (no shield, no expressed colostrum), so we know it can be done, now we just need to figure out how; but we'll be going home with a rental pump tomorrow, so we can work on it without worrying too much about him going hungry if my supply doesn't do anything weird.
I'm still reading the forums when I have time, but it's hard to type one handed on my cell phone.
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