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Struggling with my C-section - Page 2

post #21 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by bayosgirl87 View Post
 

Wow-that IS very similar to mine! You said in your other post that you once thought you would rather wait and let her be born naturally but since have other ideas about that. Do you now feel like what happened was for the best?

Sorry for the late reply. It is pretty similar. I think just being in labor for so long is not normal and therefore exhausting. I think c-sections become inevitable in long labor. Well, coming to your specific question, I had read on the net, soon after I gave birth, of a woman that went about her daily life after her water broke and did not get contractions. I think she was in the U.K. I was at that time upset that I didn't know or think about that. Well retrospectively, I don't know. I didn't have enough knowledge of whether that scenario could indeed infect the baby or even kill the baby if the baby wasn't being monitored constantly as they did in the hospital. If I had not begged for a C-section could just the pain have killed me? Or pushing could have as I didn't have any strength left by then. I mean without moden medicine mothers or babies died in child birth and it was v. normal. I feel certain that many lives are saved by C-section and yet I know that too many C-sections happen too soon or without a need for them. Mine wasn't one of those - that I am sure of since no one even offered me the option. I just wish I had a support system that I didn't have and still don't. I had my inlaws but if the support comes with bagage then i think it's more of a headache than support so add that to the mix and it only got worse. :))


Edited by Neera - 10/10/13 at 5:36am
post #22 of 52
Bayosgirl87, I know exactly what you are going through as well. I gave birth to my son by c-section 12 weeks ago. I had a 72hr labour, with the last 14hrs being active labour followed by oxy augmentation (same as pitocin but in Canada) I had always wanted a natural birth and read birthing from within, 3 of Ina may gaskins natural birthing books, brought the birth story movie to where I live. I was going to do with no meds (which I did until the spinal for the section). It's such a long story but suffice to say that after 72hrs of labour, getting convinced to break my water by midwife, getting convinced to get oxytocin.. I knew from reading so much that all of this would lead to a c section. I was so scared to have one. I thought I was the last person in earth to have one. Anyways, I only dilated to 3cm because my son was right transverse occiput, also. He had dropped to -1 but never turned. Ugh. Afterwards, my incision opened and got infected with staph. It finally closed and started to heal after 7 weeks post. Also, my milk is still not fully in. We are still supplementing with formula and the SNS. I hope if I persevere that I can also breast feed exclusively. How did you do it? I know the reason I don't have enough milk is because I was extremely traumatized by the birth and am just starting to process it. The worst part is that on top of having a traumatizing birth my milk didn't come in fully, and the incision got infected so it felt like a triple whammy. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that I know how you feel. I'm having a really hard time not being angry at myself, I keep thinking I'm a horrible mother for not having a better birth. I have been angry at my body for not doing what it was supposed to do. The list goes on and on and on. Fortunately, I did bond with my son. He is the most beautiful boy on the world and at some point I will come to terms with his birth. Hopefully my milk will increase. Hopefully I will be able to forgive myself for not giving myself the experience that I though I would have. There are lots of us out there that know how you feel.
post #23 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Actiasluna View Post

Bayosgirl87, I know exactly what you are going through as well. I gave birth to my son by c-section 12 weeks ago. I had a 72hr labour, with the last 14hrs being active labour followed by oxy augmentation (same as pitocin but in Canada) I had always wanted a natural birth and read birthing from within, 3 of Ina may gaskins natural birthing books, brought the birth story movie to where I live. I was going to do with no meds (which I did until the spinal for the section). It's such a long story but suffice to say that after 72hrs of labour, getting convinced to break my water by midwife, getting convinced to get oxytocin.. I knew from reading so much that all of this would lead to a c section. I was so scared to have one. I thought I was the last person in earth to have one. Anyways, I only dilated to 3cm because my son was right transverse occiput, also. He had dropped to -1 but never turned. Ugh. Afterwards, my incision opened and got infected with staph. It finally closed and started to heal after 7 weeks post. Also, my milk is still not fully in. We are still supplementing with formula and the SNS. I hope if I persevere that I can also breast feed exclusively. How did you do it? I know the reason I don't have enough milk is because I was extremely traumatized by the birth and am just starting to process it. The worst part is that on top of having a traumatizing birth my milk didn't come in fully, and the incision got infected so it felt like a triple whammy. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that I know how you feel. I'm having a really hard time not being angry at myself, I keep thinking I'm a horrible mother for not having a better birth. I have been angry at my body for not doing what it was supposed to do. The list goes on and on and on. Fortunately, I did bond with my son. He is the most beautiful boy on the world and at some point I will come to terms with his birth. Hopefully my milk will increase. Hopefully I will be able to forgive myself for not giving myself the experience that I though I would have. There are lots of us out there that know how you feel.


I am so sorry for what you went through, even an infection! Did they give you antibiotics in the hospital? I read that breastfeeding is always harder after a C-section, but especially so for us moms who feel traumatized by it. I hope it makes you feel a bit better to know that you are not alone; I know it does me.

 

As far as getting to exclusive breastfeeding, it was not easy, and still isn't. My situation is complicated even more because my son is apparently allergic to dairy. He was crying after feedings, which I interpreted as hunger when it was really gas pain. So I gave him more formula. (He also had rashes all over his body, which his pediatrician told me was "normal" and nothing to worry about. They are now GONE with exclusive bfing.) I'm a first time mom and I didn't know any better. :-( I still live with guilt from that. My son has a HUGE appetite, and I believe it's a result of being overfed as a newborn. It was hard for me to catch up, even with nursing literally 24/7, so I started taking a drug called Domperidone to increase my supply. Have you heard of it? I think it's much more widely available in Canada than in the U.S. where I'm from. It's actually banned by the FDA here (although the Supreme Court ruled a Dr cannot be punished for prescribing it) but we can order it online from overseas. From what I have read, it is a  safe medicine in oral form; the FDA banned it because there were some heart attacks with very large doses in intravenous therapy (as usual, our FDA is screwed up-but that's another post!) Anyway, it seemed like it was helping at first but now I feel like I am having to nurse 24/7 again. I don't know if it's not working anymore or my son wanting more and more or what. I do know he gains 2 ounces a day, which is what he was putting on when I overfed him. Without the dom he gains a normal and healthy 1 ounce a day. I have asked around to lactation consultants how I can resolve this problem and they don't know how to answer me. How do you make a baby adjust to half the calories he's used to? It's very difficult. I guess I would just caution you to be careful about not overfeeding the formula, even if you are using a SNS. I'm sure you know better than I did. But yeah, just keep putting your LO to your breast and your supply should catch up. Is his latch OK? Mine was extremely painful, which reinforced my feeling that it was me doing something wrong...turns out he was clamping his jaw from discomfort from the formula. :-( It's soo much better now that we're 3 weeks + out. Don't give up! I wish you the best of luck, and please don't hesitate to PM me if you ever want to chat. :)

post #24 of 52

I guess I'm the oddball. I enjoyed all three of my births. All three were c-sections. I probably could have had the last two children via vaginal birth had I been educated enough before my second birth but I didn't. I still love them the same and  have wonderful memories of their births, even though they were c-sections! I brought a human being in to the world! Nothing can bring me down when I know I've done that, regardless of how they got here.

post #25 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68 View Post
 

I guess I'm the oddball. I enjoyed all three of my births. All three were c-sections. I probably could have had the last two children via vaginal birth had I been educated enough before my second birth but I didn't. I still love them the same and  have wonderful memories of their births, even though they were c-sections! I brought a human being in to the world! Nothing can bring me down when I know I've done that, regardless of how they got here.


I hope I can get to that point one day...just feeling grateful and proud that I birthed a human being, no matter how. For now I'm just trying to convince myself "it's not my fault".

post #26 of 52
bayosgirl87, does your milk supply still fluctuate then? Yes, I am on domperidone (in Canada) but I feel like my supply is going down. I wonder if I keep him at the breast (he is 16 weeks) 24/7 if my supply would increase. I don't find there to be any danger in over feeding because he is only gained 2.5 oz per week for the last few week but thanks for pointing it out, as its something to keep
In mind.
post #27 of 52

My heart really goes out to you and all of the mommies on this post who have expressed feelings of failure, doubt, and grief about your birth experience(s).  I think it's very appropriate and healing to grieve for the birth you didn't have, but do your very best to avoid blaming yourself, questioning the events, giving in to the "what if I had only done ___" line of thinking, and wondering if there is something wrong with your body.  You were all in very difficult circumstances, arguably outside of the "normal" childbirth parameters, and in my opinion, were brave and unselfish to sacrifice your wishes for the well-being of your baby.

 

One of the saddest cases I can recall from my training was a family in a very similar situation to yours.  A mother, planning a homebirth (first child) with a midwife, experienced natural rupture of membranes at full term.  Like you, she didn't develop any signs of labor.  About 12 hours after ROM, her midwife apparently came over, checked her, and reassured her that the baby's heart sounded fine and, though she was minimally dilated, things would pick up.  They didn't.  The next day, her midwife returned, and with ROM at about 36 hours, was surprised that she still hadn't progressed.  But, as this mother was adamantly opposed to any medical intervention, they agreed to watch and wait for another 12 hours.  Still, no real contractions.  At 48 hours after ROM, the midwife was concerned that the fetal heart rate (HR) was somewhat slower, and insisted the mother come to the hospital.

 

Upon evaluation, the OBs were concerned about the HR as well, and felt she needed an emergent C-section.  However, she declined to sign the consent, and requested they try induction with Pitocin.  She was placed on a drip, and though the infant's HR continued to show a worrisome pattern, they continued to follow the mother's preferences in laboring.  Finally, ~72 hours after ROM, she spiked a fever and, meanwhile, the baby's HR was crashing.  I was on in the NICU and we were called to an emergent section.

 

Baby boy came out white, limp, and completely unresponsive with no HR.  We did our most intense neonatal resuscitation and, after significant effort, (chest compressions, medication, intubation), were able to get a weak HR to return.  He came to our Level I NICU, the best in the state, where he "lived" for several days on our highest level of support.  However, it became clear he was clinically brain dead, and his parents elected to withdraw support.  There is no doubt in my mind that was the right thing to do, but watching them grieve was simply heartbreaking.  All of his blood cultures grew a common bacteria, and it was clear that he had died of overwhelming sepsis (infection) while in utero.

 

His mother was understandably devastated, but watching her blame herself for his death was just tragic.  She asked every single physician if we thought he might have lived if she had opted for a section earlier.  Answering that was incredibly difficult.  The truth is, likely YES, but how can you say that to a mother who has just lost her precious baby and is blaming herself?  (It was too late to save him, and in my mind, furthering her sense of guilt would not have accomplished much at that point in time.  We just hugged her and let her cry as much as she needed.)

 

I am a definite proponent of natural childbirth, and have fortunately been able to deliver my first child with minimal intervention.  But I also have a healthy respect for nature, who is not always a sweet and loving goddess.  Nature causes typhoons and insect infestations, cholera and sinkholes.  Pregnancy and childbirth are both natural, but not without risk.  When things fall outside of the norm, there is NOTHING wrong with accepting medical treatment, which is why it should be available.  The fact that you didn't progress after spontaneous ROM is not what typically happens; something was just not working right.  That doesn't mean the same thing will occur next time around, and it doesn't mean there is anything inherently wrong with your body.

 

Your baby is blessed to have a mama that loves so deeply.  Congratulations on your success with breastfeeding!  There is no question your baby will benefit from your dedication; your efforts should be applauded.  Keep your chin up--the first year can be rough at times, no matter how your baby entered the world!

post #28 of 52

I am sorry you had such a hard experience. I wanted to share that I had a c section and I feel  at peace with it, for what it is worth.

I was also  sure I would have a natural easy labor- I was not scared of birth, and somehow I wasn't even really letting myself be aware of any dangers around birth. I thought if I thought positively about it it would be just fine.

I ended up needing a c section- and maybe this is part of why I feel peace about it, because in my case I really felt it was necessary.

It did not interfere with breastfeeding for me, so I don't think it has to for everyone.

I am sorry you also had struggles with breastfeeding and am glad you worked through it to bf your baby now! I don't know about that stuff you mentioned but if it is banned by the fda you might look into more natural plant milk supply help. On the bf forum here you may get some answers.

 

I just think it is really important to forgive yourself and love yourself and don't blame yourself.

I also think in this day and age doctors are more trained to assist childbirth thgough c sections than before c sections were so practiced, doctors had to be trained more to guide women through non surgical births.

But many non surgical births also result in pain for the mom, damage to her body, tears, etc.

Ultimately in my own experience, I ahd been thinking the birth was so important in the outcome of my baby's well being but even though I had a c section I went right into natural attachment parenting, breasfeeding, etc. I don't think my baby was traumatized from the birth  what so ever.

For me, my body got weaker from the surgery and I still have not done the work o get back in shape. But I know many women who do the work (work out) and their bodies after c section are plenty strong. I had some earlier life experiences tha kind of broke me down and I had to rebuild so I think I was able to apply some of that to my c section.

I wish you peace in your journey. don't blame yourself. Be kind to yourself, And you DID give birth! Don't trivialize your powerful journey into motherhood. Sometimes becoming parents just breaks our lives right open! .

I mean, yeah, I can feel how my body is different form my c section and it isn't ideal. I can't quite asses how different since I am more out of shape in general than before I had my baby. So if I think about and look at my birth I guess I could see the frightening parts, But overall I think I have accepted it. I don't blame myself or feel that I am less than someone who gave birth vaginally.

post #29 of 52

The most important lesson of motherhood that often plans and preparation mean nothings. Mothers used to die in labor far more often in good old time when homebirth was the norm. So were babies.   They still do in Africa and India.  Water breaks, no one does anything for days, infection sets in. The end.

 

Some mothers  and babies, physically speaking are not made to survive because nature and Evolution doe snot care about individual but only species.

 

 

 Thinking that everything would go the way you want because you thought so is magical thinking.  I am sorry you have experience you did not want but pain is like love, it comes uncalled.

 

Your description of your child looking into your soul so amazing and touching. To him it does not matter if he came form your vagina or c-section incision, if you have pitocin or not, if he was clean or covered in vermix, to him your are the World, to him you are the Mother and no one else. True love perseveres and there is no  love truer than the love between mother and her child. You saw all of this in your eye because you are bonded to him.  Do not fall prey to the textbook of descriptions  of bonding experiences. Honestly, all that "skin to skin, breast crawlsetc" is pretty meaningless if we consider how many adoptive parents fall in love with their children every day. Love and bonding is not in your skin but in your soul and your soul has it.

 

Love what is, rather than what you wished for and you will feel better.

 

 

Congratulations on motherhood!

post #30 of 52

 Thinking that everything would go the way you want because you thought so is magical thinking.  I am sorry you have experience you did not want but pain is like love, it comes uncalled.

 

Your description of your child looking into your soul so amazing and touching. To him it does not matter if he came form your vagina or c-section incision, if you have pitocin or not, if he was clean or covered in vermix, to him your are the World, to him you are the Mother and no one else. True love perseveres and there is no  love truer than the love between mother and her child. You saw all of this in your eye because you are bonded to him.  Do not fall prey to the textbook of descriptions  of bonding experiences. Honestly, all that "skin to skin, breast crawlsetc" is pretty meaningless if we consider how many adoptive parents fall in love with their children every day. Love and bonding is not in your skin but in your soul and your soul has it.

 

Love what is, rather than what you wished for and you will feel better.

Congratulations on motherhood!

 

Beautifully said!!!!  

post #31 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68 View Post
 

I guess I'm the oddball. I enjoyed all three of my births. All three were c-sections. I probably could have had the last two children via vaginal birth had I been educated enough before my second birth but I didn't. I still love them the same and  have wonderful memories of their births, even though they were c-sections! I brought a human being in to the world! Nothing can bring me down when I know I've done that, regardless of how they got here.

 

I guess I'm an oddball too.  My first c-section I was disappointed, but mainly just because it was unexpected.  I never felt the need to morn over it.  However, I didn't have any real expectations going in and I think that's the difference.  When you think that something will happen just because you will it to be so you are setting yourself up for disappointment. 

 

After suffering infertility I can tell you that just getting pregnant and going to term with a pregnancy is amazing!  Just think of everything that has to happen in order for a new life to start and grow!!! Creating a human being is is truly wondrous and I agree it doesn't matter how they got here.

post #32 of 52
 

Can anyone shed light on this? I still feel like there must be something wrong with me that I couldn't birth my son naturally, or even go into labor on my own. And I'm grieving the loss of what could have been a beautiful, intimate birth.

 

I'm so sorry you feel this way.  Something wrong with you?  Well, if there is something wrong with you then there is something wrong with me.  In my first birth my water broke at 38 weeks...waiting for labor...no true labor although I was already dilated...pictocin...yeah labor...baby still high...oh breech/transverse baby...to the OR we when.  Oh well!  Why was the baby in that position? Who knows?  Why didn't they know he was breech???  I could ask those questions all day long, but I choose to see it in a different light.  All those things happened because he was meant to be born by c-section...Thank you modern medicine for my dear sweet perfect child. 

 

And yes. You didn't get a an intimate birth, but that doesn't mean it wasn't beautiful.  As a mother that has suffered infertility I ask you... Why did you get pregnant?  Did you want a baby or did you want a birth?  I know they say birth is important too and well maybe it is.  However, to me birth is just something I have to do in order to get what I really want and that is a baby.  

 

I hope you can come to terms with everything and enjoy your precious baby.  You sound like a great mom and that is why you had the c-section.  You wanted to do what was best for your baby.  You sacrificed something you wanted for him (to make sure he was o.k.).  That is love. 

post #33 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snapdragon View Post
 

I am sorry you had such a hard experience. I wanted to share that I had a c section and I feel  at peace with it, for what it is worth.

I was also  sure I would have a natural easy labor- I was not scared of birth, and somehow I wasn't even really letting myself be aware of any dangers around birth. I thought if I thought positively about it it would be just fine.

I ended up needing a c section- and maybe this is part of why I feel peace about it, because in my case I really felt it was necessary.

It did not interfere with breastfeeding for me, so I don't think it has to for everyone.

I am sorry you also had struggles with breastfeeding and am glad you worked through it to bf your baby now! I don't know about that stuff you mentioned but if it is banned by the fda you might look into more natural plant milk supply help. On the bf forum here you may get some answers.

 

I just think it is really important to forgive yourself and love yourself and don't blame yourself.

I also think in this day and age doctors are more trained to assist childbirth thgough c sections than before c sections were so practiced, doctors had to be trained more to guide women through non surgical births.

But many non surgical births also result in pain for the mom, damage to her body, tears, etc.

Ultimately in my own experience, I ahd been thinking the birth was so important in the outcome of my baby's well being but even though I had a c section I went right into natural attachment parenting, breasfeeding, etc. I don't think my baby was traumatized from the birth  what so ever.

For me, my body got weaker from the surgery and I still have not done the work o get back in shape. But I know many women who do the work (work out) and their bodies after c section are plenty strong. I had some earlier life experiences tha kind of broke me down and I had to rebuild so I think I was able to apply some of that to my c section.

I wish you peace in your journey. don't blame yourself. Be kind to yourself, And you DID give birth! Don't trivialize your powerful journey into motherhood. Sometimes becoming parents just breaks our lives right open! .

I mean, yeah, I can feel how my body is different form my c section and it isn't ideal. I can't quite asses how different since I am more out of shape in general than before I had my baby. So if I think about and look at my birth I guess I could see the frightening parts, But overall I think I have accepted it. I don't blame myself or feel that I am less than someone who gave birth vaginally.

Thank you. I wish I had had your attitude, to move on to parenting and know from the start that the birth itself wouldn't traumatize the baby. In fact you are right, vaginal births, even natural unmedicated ones, can be traumatizing for mother and baby. Someone told me that cesearean birth is the least traumatic way for the baby to be born because they don't have to be squeezed down the birth canal. I guess that makes sense. I mean I wanted his first experience of the world to be in the warm, soothing water, not the cold, bright OR, but it is what it is. He suffered no ill effects from the surgery or the medications they gave us and for that I am thankful. I am slowly moving on. I think one day I will come to terms with it...just not right now.

post #34 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alenushka View Post

 

Your description of your child looking into your soul so amazing and touching. To him it does not matter if he came form your vagina or c-section incision, if you have pitocin or not, if he was clean or covered in vermix, to him your are the World, to him you are the Mother and no one else. True love perseveres and there is no  love truer than the love between mother and her child. You saw all of this in your eye because you are bonded to him.  Do not fall prey to the textbook of descriptions  of bonding experiences. Honestly, all that "skin to skin, breast crawlsetc" is pretty meaningless if we consider how many adoptive parents fall in love with their children every day. Love and bonding is not in your skin but in your soul and your soul has it.

 

Love what is, rather than what you wished for and you will feel better.

 

 

Congratulations on motherhood!

Aww, this paragraph made me cry happy tears. I guess at that moment I knew in my heart he was bonded to me..or else I would not be able to recall it, eh? It is so fascinating to me that babies know who Mom is when they come out. Knowing this and knowing my C-section WAS, in fact necessary (we would have eventually died if labor had not set in) helps me accept it. The bonding occured the nine months he was in my womb, not the 24-odd hours of the birth process.

post #35 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wissa19 View Post
 

 

I'm so sorry you feel this way.  Something wrong with you?  Well, if there is something wrong with you then there is something wrong with me.  In my first birth my water broke at 38 weeks...waiting for labor...no true labor although I was already dilated...pictocin...yeah labor...baby still high...oh breech/transverse baby...to the OR we when.  Oh well!  Why was the baby in that position? Who knows?  Why didn't they know he was breech???  I could ask those questions all day long, but I choose to see it in a different light.  All those things happened because he was meant to be born by c-section...Thank you modern medicine for my dear sweet perfect child. 

 

And yes. You didn't get a an intimate birth, but that doesn't mean it wasn't beautiful.  As a mother that has suffered infertility I ask you... Why did you get pregnant?  Did you want a baby or did you want a birth?  I know they say birth is important too and well maybe it is.  However, to me birth is just something I have to do in order to get what I really want and that is a baby.  

 

I hope you can come to terms with everything and enjoy your precious baby.  You sound like a great mom and that is why you had the c-section.  You wanted to do what was best for your baby.  You sacrificed something you wanted for him (to make sure he was o.k.).  That is love. 


Thank you. Yeah, I would've gone longer if I knew he would eventually be born vaginally because I didn't care about the pain. But I knew in my heart he wasn't and if I stayed longer under Pitocin he would eventually get distressed and it would be an EMCS which would be even worse..NO time to ask questions. So I know I made the right choice at the right time.

post #36 of 52

My story is like others...(added into the mix first child and older mother)...

 

Planned for as natural a birth as possible. Was quite sure I had the balls for the pain etc (ahem).

Come due date no action.

Slightly frightened into a membrane sweep.

A somewhat 'false' labour begins the next day.

Contractions for a day and a half...but no real progression...

Lots of midwives faffing about being encouraging...but possibly not telling the entire truth the entire time.

Drugs - no progression.

Hot tub - no progression.

Two days in - section.

 

Hmm.

 

I still grieve.

She will be my only...so I only got one roll of the dice.

But - it is what it is....and I have to say that the struggles I'm having with her now as a three year old, are far outweighing any nagging feelings about the way she arrived!!!

Having said that - I do totally allow myself some quiet sad thoughts...whenever I feel the need. Some pains and regrets and negativity never fully go away, we can only absorb them, and do our best not to let them overwhelm us so we're incapable of enjoying the good stuff. Or at least that's what I tell myself!

 

:eyesroll

post #37 of 52
I struggle with mine too sometimes even though I don't doubt for a second I made the right decision. For me, at 35 weeks I was diagnosed with pre-e & one of my twins was having random decels, stayed in the hospital for a week being monitored and finally made the call to do a planned c-section at 36 weeks because with the decels my boy was having, I felt a planned c-section was a better choice at 36 weeks than waiting longer and maybe ending up with an emergency c-section. Regardless, I do grieve for the birth I didn't have, but I also feel that I made the best possible choice for me and my family. And I feel very lucky that I did get to have a vaginal, drug-free birth with DD1 as I would have been extra sad to never have the experience at all as we are done having children now. And my c-section went as well as it could, my twins were healthy as full-term infants, just small as to be expected at 36 weeks, I had some problems initially breastfeeding them directly since they were so small, but I pumped and fed them for awhile and got them on the breast with minimal effort not too far down the road. I sometimes wonder if there was anything I could have done to change it, but no, what could I do? You can't prevent pre-e, at least not in all cases, as I was already doing all the things folks recommend to help avoid pre-e. No one knows why my boy was having decels, they checked everything they could, but it was nothing obvious. Anyway, just wanted to add another voice to the sharing as I know it helps me to read others' stories!
post #38 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grover View Post
 

My story is like others...(added into the mix first child and older mother)...

 

Planned for as natural a birth as possible. Was quite sure I had the balls for the pain etc (ahem).

Come due date no action.

Slightly frightened into a membrane sweep.

A somewhat 'false' labour begins the next day.

Contractions for a day and a half...but no real progression...

Lots of midwives faffing about being encouraging...but possibly not telling the entire truth the entire time.

Drugs - no progression.

Hot tub - no progression.

Two days in - section.

 

Hmm.

 

I still grieve.

She will be my only...so I only got one roll of the dice.

But - it is what it is....and I have to say that the struggles I'm having with her now as a three year old, are far outweighing any nagging feelings about the way she arrived!!!

Having said that - I do totally allow myself some quiet sad thoughts...whenever I feel the need. Some pains and regrets and negativity never fully go away, we can only absorb them, and do our best not to let them overwhelm us so we're incapable of enjoying the good stuff. Or at least that's what I tell myself!

 

:eyesroll

:Hug  I know that dd is going to be my only now. At the time I didn't care to think or plan ahead. And so agree that some of the pain will never go away - not the physical but the pain of feeling cheated.

post #39 of 52

Oh, honey, I'm sorry you and your sweet baby had to go through this.

 

The C Section is NOT your fault. Say that to yourself 10 times. :)

 

I don't know if you remember my birth story (from the other site) but I labored for 56 hours with my first baby, I pushed for more than 3 hours and the baby had made NO progression. I delayed a C Section as long as I could, but I was passing out and hallucinating and out of my mind with the pain and I was really scared my baby's head was being repeatedly struck against my pubic bone.

 

After many hours I finally consented to a C Section. I was sad. I had wanted an Ina May birth, preferably in my garden while I was picking tomatoes, instead I got this medicalized nightmare.

 

At the time (I was in my early 20s) I was told I had an Adroid Pelvis. I knew it was different than a normal woman's pelvis, but it wasn't until years later when I studied childbirth while becoming a lactation consultant that I realized just how unusual and dangerous an Android Pelvis can be to vaginal birth. Before that I grieved. At around 9 months after my first baby was born, I had a little break down and cried for days. I really mourned my inability to give birth to my baby. Instead I put EVERYTHING I had into breastfeeding. Birth is one day, breastfeeding is months or years in your child's life. We had a difficult time at first, but after 4 months of struggling with nipple confusion, colic, a hypertonic baby, etc we prevailed.

 

I lost my next pregnancy, when S. was 15 months old. I got pregnant with her sister the next month. The labor was the same as my first. Shorter (maybe 26 hours) and i felt the baby move the first half hour of pushing, then she just STOPPED. My damn pelvis again. I pushed for a few more hours, then had the vision of my baby's head banging into my pelvic bone again and actually said, "That's it. It's over, I can't do it." My doctor and my DH wanted me to try some more, so I did. No luck. I had my second C Birth. I didn't grieve this one, I KNEW I had tried my damnedest to get that baby out. Breastfeeding her was the easiest thing in the world. Different than my first baby.

 

Fast forward 11 years. I find myself pregnant again. (After an other miscarriage a few years earlier.)  I see my OBGYN, my friend. He says, "You don't want to try an other VBAC do you?" This doctor is renowned for his success with VBAC Mamas. Even he thinks it's not a good idea. At the time I am suffering from a chronic pain disorder, I'm not 100% well, I'm much older. I have fantasies of just having my baby at home with no help. They are just that, fantasies. I go to the hospital on the day we chose, as I am having contractions... again,,,, and after an amnio to see if my baby's lungs are mature, I go into full blown early labor. I wait all day, as my doctor has emergencies. He asks me if I'm OK, do I want the C Birth now? No, I tell him, those other Mamas have emergencies, it's better if I labor a while. Finally it's time and I have my C Birth. Before that, I hide in the small bathroom of the OR. I don't want to come out, I'm scared. I know it will hurt, but I haven't been in hard labor and pushing like with the others. I'm still on my feet. The nurse knocks on the door, and I realize I have to come out of the bathroom, have my Spinal and get my baby out.

 

She's born! An other C Birth. An other healthy baby. Her little head peeks out of my body, eyes wide open looking at all the people in the OR (my case was "unusual" so I'm a case study for students and residents) The resident doing the actual removal of my baby says, "Hi, Baby!" and I start to cry. She's not crying, just looking around, soaking it all in. Finally I tell her, "Sage CRY, honey. Mama needs to know you're OK." She does.

 

We nurse in the recovery room and all is well. My husband is holding her after her nursing, she was swallowing only a few minutes after her birth. She pees on him. It's a joke our family will always remember.

 

I don't regret anything anymore. Nature gave me a screwed up body. but I was able to conceive, and gestate and lactate. I do miss never having a vaginal birth. But, it's history now.

 

Honey, you will have some sadness. But, the past is over. It's OK to be sad about the C Birth (my friend, a midwife always calls C Sections "C Births".... because they ARE births.) Time will heal that wound.

 

I know the sadness and the grief. It will pass. When it starts to overcome you, pick up that little boy of yours and smell his hair. That helps. I know.

 

:Hug

post #40 of 52

I did want to add, BGirl that growth plateaus out at around 16 weeks of age!

 

He will never grow again at the rate he did the first 12-16 weeks. It's normal to plateau out at this age.

 

I agree that formula is often fed at a level too high for a newborn's stomach, which should never be "totally full" at this age. Overfilling of the stomach can cause a baby to expect that feeling and only breastfeeding and letting his appetite acclimate normally will help. It may take time, let him nurse as he likes.

 

Domperidone is not "banned" but the FDA will not approve it in ready made form. You can get it by prescription from a compounding pharmacy. I'm willing to bet the drug companies, many of whom make infant formula don't want Dom on the market. It's a much better galactagogue than Reglan and has fewer side effects. (And domperidone is not even formulated or supposed to be given via IV that was done for GI problems, as it is also a gastric emptier, and it shouldn't even have been done then.) Big Pharma doesn't WANT a good glalactogague in USA on the market, so even though there are few side effects with normal oral use of Dom, it isn't available unless you have it formulated or buy it from out of the country. I've used it with hundreds of clients and never seen a side effect aside from the occasional loose stool. Use it if you need it.

 

But, the growth plateau is normal for a baby his age. After the plateau stage he will gain, but never again like he did the first 16 weeks. It's just how infant growth works. It slows down as they get older.

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