I am 18 weeks pregnant and looking for a job. I'm scared to tell employors that I am pregnant because although they're not allowed to discriminate, they most certainly will... What should I do? I need a job, I'm going to be a single mom, but I only have 4 months max to work? I need Advice!!
- topicMothering Helptagged by Lara Tomkins, 9/11/13
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Telling possible employors that you're 18 weeks pregnant...Yes Or No? and why?post #1 of 89/10/13 at 7:46pmThread Starterpost #2 of 89/12/13 at 8:25pm
Welcome to Mothering! It looks like your post might have been missed, so I wanted to bump it up for attention. For me, telling anyone about a pregnancy feels really personal, so I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing it with a potential employer. How are you feeling about telling or not telling the potential employer? Anyone else have suggestions or thoughts to share?post #3 of 89/12/13 at 8:32pm
I wouldn't tell. That's a discussion to have once they've offered you the job. Yes, it's illegal to discriminate based on pregnancy in hiring (though you won't be eligible for FMLA protection regardless). However, I understand the hesitations that an employer would have. I've watched departments get burned by hiring someone pregnant, investing money and time into training, paying out vacation for maternity leave, then the person never comes back. That doesn't make it right to discriminate. But I totally understand how it happens.
As an employer they really generally don't want to know either. By telling you put them in a tricky position, where they have to check their assumptions and motives either way if they offer the job or not. Don't put them in that position.post #4 of 89/12/13 at 9:44pmI celebrated my 15 year anniversary with my employer on July 13 of this year and my ds turns 15 on Tuesday. Big as a house and I didn't say a word; and neither did I. But even if I hadn't been showing, I wouldn't have said anything. I got my 6 week short term disability but nothing else. It is still 20 hours a week, so it worked for me.post #5 of 89/13/13 at 3:12ampost #6 of 89/13/13 at 3:50amI hate to say-- I think honesty is the better route though at only 18wks it would be easy to just not say anything. You being a single mom makes things more tricky.
DH decided not to tell his employer when hired that I was pregnant. Fast forward to 30 days before my due date and so now he thinks is the right time. He's been there almost 90 days and his probation is up. He's told by his supervisor he's doing great performance wise.
My water breaks at 35 weeks! We are in the hospital the same day he is to tell his employer. I was in active labor when he called! They agreed that 3 weeks was ok for time off but were a bit shocked about the whole thing, from what DH tells me. I mean yeah, they didn't know.
We get home a day later and he's called in for a meeting. We both knew what that meant and they handed him an "at-will" layoff notice. My baby daughter is just barely a week old at this point. Luckily, unemployment is protected if this sort of thing occurs under FMLA. Obviously this type of thing happens a lot. But still-- how heartless of his employer? They couldn't allow him even a few days of time with his wife and new child? They just laid him off just like that!
Now that I think about it-- he should have told them much earlier. They'd have been aware of the pending time off and might have not laid him off or they might not have hired him. It looked dishonest if you think about it-- they had no idea until it was happening because I delivered early. In hindsight I told him to be honest next time and if it were me, I'd have told my employer at the interview or 3 months pregnant.
If an employer didn't hire me or laid me off for that reason, I'd be happier working somewhere else. Who wants to work for a company like that? It's disgusting if you ask me and we are being more picky this time around. So that's my sob story!
Welcome to mothering! I hope you find something soon, it's a hard decision.post #7 of 89/13/13 at 10:03am
At 18 weeks, I would tell them after you are hired. I too have been in your shoes. I got pregnant right when I graduated college. I got a temporary job right away at about 10 weeks and was showing when I started. I told my boss right away and was very straight forward with the amount of time I expected to take off and the necessity to leave for appointments. I continued my search for a "real" job and was interviewed for one a week before my due date. I told them on the phone interview I was due soon and could begin the job 6 weeks after delivery. They told me later they were very impressed with my honesty and dedication to attending the interview. I now work for a very family friendly company. So I would say, after the interview honesty is the best policy.post #8 of 89/13/13 at 10:15am
I guess my answer to this question is whether you'll continue working after maternity leave or not. My response is merely ethical in nature and not a question of legality. If you're not planning on returning to work after having the baby, you should tell prospective employers you're pregnant. Otherwise, they are putting tons of resources into training a person who will only be working for them for a few months. If it's seasonal employment or something along those lines, you're probably fine to do this. Legally, of course, they can't discriminate, but I also think it's unfair to the employer who is seeking a permanent worker for that worker to intend to leave after a short period of time.
However, if you are planning on working after a short maternity leave, I see nothing wrong with not telling the employer right now (because it's not really any of their business) and then talking maternity leave once you're hired. If they think you're qualified enough to hire in the long term, a short leave of absence (even if "short" means two months) is not a huge obstacle to overcome to hire a good person for the long-term.
A lot of it depends too on the kind of job you're applying for. Low-wage, part-time jobs are a different animal altogether when it comes to the hiring process than more advanced skill-driven professional jobs. I hope you find something soon. If you give more information about what you're looking for, people here might be able to point you toward resources for job-hunting or for single mothers. Just a thought.
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