I got pregnant the first month I was with my partner, so we had no time to discuss parenting philosophies or anything. He really wanted me to terminate the pregnancy (and I mean REALLY wanted me to). I chose not to, and we had a really rough start with a week or two of us not talking at all, or seeing each other. I therefore went into this assuming I was on my own.
During that time period I switched from the CNM I was seeing (who I absolutely LOVED... the hospital not so much though my friend managed a completely natural and unaugmented birth there) to a free standing birth center operated by a CPM.
My partner is now living with me, as is his 19 year old son. Our relationship is dysfunctional when it comes to communication on this pregnancy, and I chalk that up to how absolutely demanding (and rather emotionally abusive) he was at the beginning. I think I have some trauma from that, honestly.
Anyway, he doesn't know (mostly because he doesn't listen) that I'm having it at a birth center. I tried to show him the website once, and explained that they have birth tubs instead of pain medication and all he said was "I hope you like pain".
The other night I discussed with him that I had started out at the birth center but was going to have to switch due to medicaid problems. However, today I spoke to the birth center and they are willing to work with me on a financial payment so that even though the hospital birth would be "free" (and I'm totally unemployed at the moment), the birth center is giving me until 12 weeks postpartum to pay (and I'm 22 weeks right now). So, its doable.
My partner's son was born at 7 months. His mother was a smoker and young (she was 15). She went into labor a week or two before she had him and they were able to give her steroid shots to mature Steven's lungs, and something to postpone her labor. When Steven was born, my partner had to attend infant CPR classes and Steven spent the first two weeks of his life in an incubator unable to be held or even touched. He could not regulate his body temperature, and had trouble breathing. He was about 4 lbs.
I have had no issues with this pregnancy other than a SCH that bled out early. We live 90 minutes from the birth center and 1 hour 10 from the hospital. So the drive is not significantly different. The birth center itself is located less than 1/10th of one mile from a VERY good hospital.
My partner merely says that he thinks the hospital is the safest place to have a baby. His examples were things like what if the baby is born still (this is not something a hospital can help with anyway).
I don't want to subject my boyfriend to something that is seriously upsetting to him. I also don't want to compromise my birth plans and birth in a hospital strictly for him (although I am not opposed to a hospital, its just not my first choice). He is mostly unwilling to be educated, and has some seriously messed up ideas (like that 1 in 50 births something goes horribly wrong).
What is so sad about all this is I was a midwifery student years ago who had nothing but faith in women's bodies, and their ability to birth. I am empathetic to him, but I wish he could see how different this could be and how bonding it could be. But I can't seem to speak up (I'm not sure why I have such trouble speaking up to him) and he seems unwilling to listen.
Do I just tell him, flat out, I'm having this baby at the birth center? Do I switch to the hospital with the nurse midwife I originally had and have this baby without any debt (medicaid will cover).
This has been emotionally a very difficult pregnancy, and I'm really conflicted. Everyone tells me to do what I feel is best, but I can't figure it out. I know if I have the baby in a birth center, and something goes wrong then I will not be able to handle that well at all because of my boyfriend. I'm not reassured by hospital statistics though, but if something went wrong there, at least he'd be off my case.