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Mothering › Groups › September 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › how to tell mother inlaw "i dont want her in the labor room"?

how to tell mother inlaw "i dont want her in the labor room"?

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

ok so hubby has said before he has told her its only him and I in the labor room. Well, the reason i want this is because its his first (my second)and our rainbow. we lost our daughter last yr in april she was due the 16 of sept 12. so this is a very special baby for us since im due the same mo and may have him tomorrow(she was born at 18wk on friday the 13) well she flys in tomorrow witch we HAD to buy her a plane ticket because she had to be here for the birth of his first son(child). 


well on the phone just now she says "the babys waiting for me to get there and with my luck kevin will be on a flight(military) and i can be in the room with you" my mistake by saying o my hospital allows 3 ppl in the labor room. her" oo yay i can still be in the room". i said nicely well we were hoping you would watch katie(8yr old) since we dont have anyone to watch her and it be just us in the room(me and hubby) she then gos on to say OOOOO NO honey its his first child i WILL be in the room!katie can wait in the waiting area! (first shes 8 ummm no! second SHE 8 NO!). i just stayed quiet, she then said well ok well see what happens happens if im in the room or not... im hoping hes comes tonight or tomorrow before she gets here(she flys in around 7pm) im 4cm and got my membranes stripped yesterday. and doc said any sign come in( esp since i had 6hr of 4-7min contractions and didnt go in and the stopped.)


so if i dont have my son before she gets here, is there anyway to nicely have this conversation with her about her NOT being in the labor room. its just a very special peaceful time for us and just want us there and its not new i was the same with my ex husband and now 8yr old. plus i will be going natural again and i dont want or need the distraction.

post #2 of 10
Can your husband help with this conversation?
post #3 of 10
Thread Starter 

yes he will be here when we have this conversation.! and i will make sure he has it! but is therer a way to go about this or things to say so she doesnt feel like its me and im attacking her btu thats its OUR choice. ive never had to do this. my mom was koo with it and my ex mom was to it was never a question or conversation "i want/better be there"

post #4 of 10

I would just state very clearly and calmly, "Hubs and I have decided we want to be alone in the labor room.  If anything changes, we will let you know.  You are welcome to come and see baby.... (whenever it is ok)."  I think just being very firm but in a kind way and making it clear that it was your decision together and not feeling like you have to give a long explanation should be enough.  

Also I would think the fact that you need someone to watch your daughter is a no-brainer.  I doubt they would even allow her to be alone in the waiting room.  I would also think the nurses can help with this.  If you tell them at the desk that you do  not wish for any other family/friends to be admitted while you are in labor then they won't let them in. 


Good luck with this!  I cannot imagine my MIL in the labor room and insisting on it- how selfish

post #5 of 10

(DDC Crashing, forgive me!  I hope this is helpful!)


Mexiflower, by all means bring your husband in for this conversation, but one thing you might hit is that NO, your daughter very likely can't be in the waiting room by herself.  The hospitals I gave birth at wanted an adult to be with visiting children at all times.  If you wanted to bring kids into the delivery room, you had to designate one adult per child who could take the kid someplace else if necessary.


Lots of hospitals don't even have L&D waiting rooms anymore.  Those rooms didn't contribute to patient care, and were nothing but trouble because of grandmas and other "helpful" relatives always pushing to get into the unit itself. 


If your hospital does let unaccompanied children hang out someplace waiting for their moms to be done laboring, I would strongly recommend lying to your MIL about it.

post #6 of 10
Thread Starter 

yea thank you both. and i dont think they have a area for kids and if they did i still wouldnt want her alone. and the waiting room they do have is a ways from where ill be behind serval locked doors and is very small. ive told hubby that whats gonna happen and i guess now we need to re have this convo when she gets here, is that my car is  broken so all we have right now is a 2door truck so shes gonna be home with our daughter till after i have the baby because once we are at the hospital hes not leaving to get mil and katie till after i have our son. because i will never let it go or forgive her if she makes or throws a fit for him to come get her and i have the baby with out him.

post #7 of 10

i second what the others said - first off i think it's your husband's mom so he should talk to her, but if he can't or won't or doesn't for whatever reason, i would be friendly but firm. try not to explain yourself or defend your decision - often people will take that as a ground for discussion, and there really is no discussion here. it will then be your MIL's part to respect your wishes. i understand sometimes people aren't able to do that, but that is her problem to deal with - not yours. 


this is a question of setting your own boundaries. it's hard when you've never had to do it - but as a mom you will need to learn it anyway :P 

post #8 of 10

I absolutely agree with vc2013. Your husband should be the one to talk to her, or at least make sure he's there. Tell her matter-of-factly so there's no room for negotiation. Hopefully, she'll be compliant and stay at home with your daughter.


Yes, this is her grandchild being born. But it's YOUR body going through the labor and being on display! Holy crap, I can't even imgaine my mother-in-law being in the room! (But I like it to just be me, my husband, and midwife/midwives.)

post #9 of 10
If your dh is not up to talking with her have the nurse tell her that it will be just the two of you in the room. They are they to help you in any way. smile.gif
post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 

thanks ladies i told him about the convo and he said no. that he'll tell her if we have to. :) 

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