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Curious what opinions are?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

When I was a little girl (3-7), I spent a night each weekend with my aunt and uncle and remember waking up multiple times with my uncle in the bed with me, but I do not remember anything sexual taking place... I have been weirded out by those memories for years.

Opinions? Is it ever appropriate?

 

I had a bed-wetting problem until I was 6, multiple UTIs, a strong interest in sex at a young age, and then when I heard about it, a weird curiousity with rape. I feel strongly that there was something going on.

Opinions now?

post #2 of 11
Was your uncle related or your aunt? My DD has nightmares and sometimes sleep walks so I wouldn't find it weird for her uncle to sleep in her bed after one since he is related to her but an unrelated aunt by marriage I would find weird just as I would an unrelated uncle.

Fantasies related to sex are very individual and not necessarily related to inappropriate experiences in childhood but the possibility is there.
post #3 of 11

I would find it odd.  

When I have needed to comfort a child (who wasn't mine) at night, I may lay on the bed with him/her.  However, I stay on top of the blankets and leave once the child is back asleep.  Once I did fall asleep too--long night!  Now, with my own kids, we shared a family bed for a while and then when they moved to their own rooms, I would occassionally sleep there too, esp. after nightmares. 

 

Also, in our extended family, it seems more likely that an aunt would go to comfort a female child.  Actually, any child.  Also, if the child couldn't be consoled, we all have sleeping bags and we would let them sleep on the floor in our room.  

 

Perhaps there was bad behavior on your uncle's part that wasn't as obvious to you as a child.  Not all sexual abuse involves sex.  I would hate to wrongly accuse though.  I also hate the idea of being silent if something happened.  I realize that isn't helpful. hide.gif  

 

Amy

post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 

One_Girl, my aunt is related, uncle is not.

 

I am asking for opinions because a few years ago, I told my parents my suspicions and they were very much in doubt. I decided I would just keep my belief to myself as we moved across country and live 2,500 miles from the aunt and uncle, but they just flew out to visit and want to see my children.

My parents still won't listen to me and are really pushing for a visit to happen. I want a few more opinions on the matter.

post #5 of 11
Then yes weird and suspicious.
post #6 of 11

I guess you can't know for sure. But without accusing anybody, I'd make sure he was never alone with the kids and had limited contact with them. Just on the chance something weird is up.

post #7 of 11
I'd only allow a closely supervised visit just in case. Or none at all if you're not comfortable! You don't need any other reason than that.
That said...dh's nephews spent the night at our house at that age and when dds were younger and still slept with us whichever boy was here slept in our family bed (2 kings and 2 twins all on different levels but all pushed together). They had only slept with their parents or sibs, ever, so there's no way they would have been ok alone on a seperate floor. So I don't automatically think a related only by marriage aunt/uncle is up to no good.
post #8 of 11

Just to be safe, I would only allow supervised visits with the uncle. 100% supervised, not a minute alone with the kids. Sorry if that sounds overboard, but it really is better to play it safe in this case.

post #9 of 11

what do YOU think, OP??

from your OP, i get the gist that you are highly suspicious that something happened to you; you are bothered by the fact that your own parents dismiss your concerns; and you don't really want to see your aunt and uncle and you definitely don't want them meeting your girls.

however, is this an opportunity for you to privately confront your uncle... just pop the question to him sometime when it's just the two of you alone, and ask him directly and suddenly and nicely, "hey, why did i wake up with you in my bed so many times when i was little?" and see how he reacts, see what he says. how would you expect him to reply? what if he were to deny that it happened? what if his face turns red? what if he gets mad? what would those reactions tell you? 

post #10 of 11

i find it q. suspicious even if he was related. i second that you confront him. but you might want to get an honest reaction from him so I'd not show any accusation in my tone so as to not make him nervous or anything.

 

i recently read an interview of a hypnotist who was a psychologist as well. under hypnosis her patients were able to remember things from the past and cure their present issues like fear, panic etc. i don't know if that's something you might be interested in.

 

sorry, you can't remember. good luck.

post #11 of 11
Thread Starter 

Thank you for sharing your gut reactions! It makes such a difference to see what other mamas think. I agree that if I allow a visit, it should be 100% supervised.

 

tropicana, I don't want my kids around my uncle at all, but I'm getting a lot of flack about that. I've been trying to think of how to confront him, which I think will be necessary for my own peace of mind. He's in his 80's now, so I may not have another opportunity. I have no expectations on reactions, he's like a stranger to me. I imagine taking him by surprise would be my best bet for an honest answer. Why do you think I need to ask when it's just the 2 of us?

 

Neera, I've thought of hypnosis too. I've heard it can plant false memories though, which is something I do not want to deal with.

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