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Religious Midwife Problem - Page 2

post #21 of 30

Then there is their moral compass to consider, medically needed things they are capable of doing sure they had better help or at least not try to stand in your way or talk you out if it. But in elective things, some examples more widely accepted here are what if a couple found out they were having a girl as so wanted an abortion due to the gender, or say a doctor is against RIC and the parents demand they personally circumcise the child. Would you file a complaint if they refused, shared more info with the patient and expressed an opinion, or referred to another doctor?

post #22 of 30

JamieCathryn, I think you have kind of hit the nail on the head. It all comes down to the question of if there is a difference of opinion for religious/moral/or any other reason, how that will be dealt with. It is about determining whether or not this individual is so devoted to beliefs as to put them ahead of professional differences. In my limited experience, with a great team of midwives and assistants, although their religious leanings were made clear, there was never any question. I think if OP has truly found the right midwife, this will also be the case. But I'll admit, in the beginning of seeing my last midwives I was made a bit nervous about how blatantly the religious issue seemed to be stressed both on their Web site and throughout their office. But their demeanor was totally different and not pushy about it, so I think it all comes down to actually meeting with the person a few times and seeing how the actual interactions go.

 

As far as what's acceptable in turning down care, I find it completely reasonable for a practitioner to turn down an abortion for any reason (including medically). A midwife is highly unlikely to be qualified for the procedure, anyway. I don't feel that they'd have any responsibility to make a referral for an optional abortion, though if one were medically indicated, I would think they would at least bear responsibility to refer to a high-risk OB (since that would be obvious), whether or not that person performed abortions, and from there, that person could refer for abortion if unable to perform the procedure.

 

(I will preface this by saying my own beliefs are anti-circ,) In terms of RIC, I would say, again, that I'd have no problems with any practitioner who refused a circ. I would have problems with a practitioner who was so firm in the belief, as I have heard some mention on other threads, that they refused to continue care for a mother who intended to have another practitioner circumcise their son following the birth. It is obviously not their decision. I think this might be a good question in terms of where I think I would draw the line on what I felt was someone who would provide me with unbiased care, and might be a good question to bring up the issue and see how firm those beliefs are, even if a mother doesn't plan to circumcise. A mother could ask at a first appointment, "If we have a son, we are undecided on whether or not we will circumcise. What are your beliefs on RIC, and will you perform the circumcision if we have a son and choose to circumcise?" If a practitioner answered that if you find out the gender in advance and plan to circumcise, they would refer you to someone else for care or discontinue your care, I would run the other way. Obviously there would be other issues.

post #23 of 30

That would be a dilemma for me as well - not so much for this MW's beliefs but that they are available online. I guess I'd have to see them but if my MW were posting political things about legal issues concerning abortion or was really active in the pro-life political realm, that would be a deal-breaker for me. BUT, I would have no problems if my MW were religious and/or had personal feelings about abortion.  But, if they crossed over into what others do and/or she posted in all but the most restrained, professional manner about the issue, I don't think I would see her. That would be my choice about her profession, who she serves and why and our values about the role of a MW would clash too much. 

post #24 of 30

Well to update at least on me. My visit with my midwives went well. The D&C topic came up with the rest of my medical history and it was noted but the worry I had was gone pretty quickly. At the end of the conversation as we were discussing SS#'s for hubby and I, as well as city born for each for the birth certificate she also asked if we practiced a faith. She actually prefaced it with something to the effect that it's not an important question for them. So I came away feeling better about my concerns on those items. At least in my case, faith which is integral to their practice and those they serve (on their business cards talk about the Lord), does not seemingly affect whether they will deal lovingly with me. HTH.

 

And FWIW - the worry about it stemmed from an honest place. Midwives, different than OBs I've dealt with, work on emotional, spiritual and physical healing to promote a happy healthy birth. The time they spend with you is more impactful (like a friend who you want at your birth) and so therefore is a billion times more personal than many other professionals. Just like you wouldn't want a family member who is judging you or has conflicted feelings about you at your birth - you wouldn't want a midwife or OB there if there were similar worries. I think the mindset is different. Back before I knew how intimate the midwife model of care could be I wouldn't have cared one way or the other what a professional who treated me thought and felt as long as I didn't know about it and it didn't affect me in any way. Now I know all the different feelings and fears that can affect a good labor for some people and how key a great personal relationship can be to that success.


Edited by Catwmandu - 9/30/13 at 7:42am
post #25 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catwmandu View Post

 

 

And FWIW - the worry about it stemmed from an honest place. Midwives, different than OBs I've dealt with, work on emotional, spiritual and physical healing to promote a happy healthy birth. The time they spend with you is more impactful (like a friend who you want at your birth) and so therefore is a billion times more personal than many other professionals.

 

Yes!  And something that only needs to be explained to those posting who don't use HB. :eyesroll 

 

I'm glad things went well.  I was thinking more about this and was thinking more and more that I wouldn't be comfortable with this situation...BUT, it's all in the person, isn't it?  I have seen 4 HB midwives (one team of two for birth #1, one for well-woman care, and one for birth #2). I haven't had one ask me about spirituality or faith.  But, again, I have known people who are super into their faith and lived it really "out there" and just really loved them and felt so at ease about how they expressed their faith. I think it's more a matter of them as individuals. 

 

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! 

post #26 of 30
I understand what you're saying and I do think its a valid concern.

During my fourth pregnancy, my midwife (whom I had previously used), made some super offensive comments about the midwife-in-training she had trained during my last pregnancy. I'm a Christian and so was this midwife-in-training and my midwife knew this! I was so upset! I tried to brush it off but it really affected my trust in her care. I believe the rift in our relationship contributed to some complications during my labor. I should have either talked with her or found a different midwife.

Now, the previous times she had attended me during my pregnancy, we had a great relationship. But she had never, ever made any kind of derogatory anti-Christian comment before. So I guess I would say, if this midwife keeps it professional and has a genuine concern for YOU and your baby, you will probably feel cared for like you deserve. But if you don't feel comfortable for whatever reason and it's a feeling that continues throughout your pregnancy, don't ignore those concerns bc it could come back to bite you in labor. But definitely give her a chance.

Hope you get your + soon and have a lovely pregnancy!
post #27 of 30
I'm with Alenushka here on the professional boundaries. She has them or she doesn't, and you'll know soon either way.

Also, in the off-chance that you ever face the scenario that you describe, ie needing an abortion for a medical situation, you can seek a second opinion if you worry that her advice is biased. But honestly, by the time a high-risk situation like that arose, whether prenatally or during childbirth while needing a hospital transfer, you'd hopefully be under an OB's care anyway.
post #28 of 30
Thread Starter 

Well ladies,  I finally got a positive test. :joy

 

I am only roughly 3 weeks along, but I am going to go ahead and make a consultation appointment with the midwife.  Hopefully I will be meeting with her in about a week or so.   Keep your fingers crossed for me! I will update afterward.

post #29 of 30

Congrats!!!

post #30 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catwmandu View Post
 

And FWIW - the worry about it stemmed from an honest place. Midwives, different than OBs I've dealt with, work on emotional, spiritual and physical healing to promote a happy healthy birth. The time they spend with you is more impactful (like a friend who you want at your birth) and so therefore is a billion times more personal than many other professionals. Just like you wouldn't want a family member who is judging you or has conflicted feelings about you at your birth - you wouldn't want a midwife or OB there if there were similar worries. I think the mindset is different. Back before I knew how intimate the midwife model of care could be I wouldn't have cared one way or the other what a professional who treated me thought and felt as long as I didn't know about it and it didn't affect me in any way. Now I know all the different feelings and fears that can affect a good labor for some people and how key a great personal relationship can be to that success.

It's a very legitimate concern, homebirth or otherwise. I have a friend who chose homebirth because she felt she'd been treated badly at the (secular) local hospital because of her abortion history. Even though such things shouldn't matter, healthcare providers are just people.

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