To make a long story short, we recently moved to California and my husband wanted me to home school and be a SAHM when we got here. I'm a librarian and library jobs are hard to come by, so I (very, VERY, reluctantly, and after lots of arguing) agreed to give it a try for a year. I adored my job but figured it'd take a long time for anything to open up anyway. Right before we moved, a library position came open and I convinced my husband that I'd probably never get it and I applied. He was supportive through all of levels of testing and interviews and, at the end, I didn't get the job, but the library called me roughly 2 weeks after and offered me another position, which I accepted. (For the long story, check out my post in Parents as Partners in April, I think.)
Before I accepted, I asked for 24 hours to talk it over with my husband. He was very happy with me home, and why shouldn't he be? The house was (relatively) clean, dinner made every night, and he wasn't having to do any daycare pick-up. That's just my perception of why he's happy, BTW. He says that he's just so happy that we get to have family time every evening (my last job, and this one, will require 3 evenings a week, until 7 or 8, and a Saturday). Honestly, I hate staying at home. I knew I would. I told him I'd feel unfulfilled. He says I have a bad attitude about it, but honestly performing domestic tasks all day and doing one hour of 2nd grade school work with my ds1 leaves me lacking mental stimulation. We can't afford a sitter on a regular basis until March, so it is just me dragging the kids to grocery stores or Target when we need something, where they play superhero in the aisles and I end up yelling (and I'm not usually a yeller!). I like working enough that I'd do it even if we only broke even on the childcare.
Anyway, he told me that me going to work would be selfish and that hiring someone to keep the kids 31 hours a week was basically letting someone else raise our kids. Mind you, I worked in our previous state and none of this was ever said. His disappointment in me since accepting the position has been palpable. Every time I mention viewing daycares or interviewing nannies, he just shuts down and says to do whatever I want. To me, working later is the best of both worlds: the kids only have any kid of childcare 4 days a week and the gap between when I go to work and dh could pick them up is relatively small (6-7 hours as opposed to the 9-10 hours, 5 days a week, they used to go). To him, I'm a selfish lady who doesn't care about her kids enough to stay home with them and raise them myself.
Especially for those who work b/c they want to, not because they have to, how do you deal with guilt trips?