Wow, It's been so long since I've been up here, just starting a thread already makes me feel better :) ... but I'm looking for some advice helping my 4yr old transition with a move.
We are moving across the country - Oregon to NC - in a month.
When I asked for advice initially, people said.. "Don't tell him", just avoid. So I'd say things like, "oh we're just moving things in to the garage" or "we're just cleaning". But he was crying a lot. He was so terribly confused.
So when he finally asked if we were moving to a new house, I told him.
Of course since then other people - preschool included - have said he's a smart kiddo, he needs honesty. And that it was the right approach.
Whether I blew it, or it was the right thing... it's out there now. He knows. And it's not happening for another month.
Every day.. "we going to our new house?". no. And then he's sad. As if I've disappointed him. Because TIME is stupid and of course he doesn't understand.
He's telling Everyone, every grocery store clerk, Every Single person about his new house. He can't go but a few hours before "my new house" or ... "will I have this at my new house" comes up. It is on his mind 100%.
And everything has changed.
He turned four this past weekend, and all the mom's at his party asked if he'd changed yet... apparently some drastic change that happens at 4 and independence. I met that kiddo 2 days later, the "I can do it without you, Go Away Mommy!"
So, great, if that's normal, I'll deal with it.
He's regressed on the potty 100%. Preschool said because he's moving in a month, put him in pull-ups, and they put him back in the "transitional" class for 2-3yr olds who are potty learning because, well, he's messy and not telling anyone about being messy... and he needed to be in a classroom to accommodate that.
He's started "needing me" to go to sleep. He's Never needed me to coddle him to sleep - turn on music, turn on the nite-light, shut the door, boom. But now, he "needs me" every 20 minutes.
And he's Hitting. He was a hitter when he was 2 - only me, not other kiddos. And the hitting is back On Me. He never tantrums and I actually do mean Never... he was an awesome 3yr old in that way. But today He Lost It at school when leaving and he hit me, pulled his teachers hair, and screamed in her face. It scared her.
This is new. And it's scary. And he's a Big kiddo.
We still have 30 days before we move.
I'm not expecting the potty to get back, or even for the bedtime issues to resolve. But it is the underlying issue is that he feels his world is changing and is obviously freaking out.
I work from home, he's only in preschool in the mornings. And I've been trying to do something fun - like a park - in the afternoons before I come home and have to pack.
We're always good about doing something together, such as a game, after dinner. And that hasn't changed. He still gets So Much ME time -- I'm a single mom, he's an only child. It's Just Us.
Yes, I am packing with him around. I just can't wait until after he's asleep because I'm doing more in the afternoons with him, meaning I have to work more at night when he's asleep.
I've stopped all conversations until after he's asleep.
And I'm trying to keep the emotions away from him; happy in the garage working, but not crazy-fake happy. Just normal. Any emotions I'm feeling about moving, they happen later. Even today with him becoming Mr. Violent, he'd calmed down in the car and was happy to come home and go in to his bed for quiet-time... and then I cried it out in the bathroom across the house for a while.
Kicker is... we're DRIVING across country. After 30 days of confusion, he'll be stuck in a car with me and another adult (whom he loves and I picked her because she will be an amazing trip-buddy for both of us) for SIX days.
So not only do we need to survive the next month, he has an upcoming massive change of being in the car for so long. That's an asking for help in it's own right. What Do You do with a kiddo trapped in a car? sigh. I might have to start another thread at that time about long-distance trips.
oh kiddo, you'll survive this. We both will. But... I could use any BTDT advice. Because this is going to be a long month if the past week is any indicator.