My nephew and his wife have a willful 4 yr old girl who throws tantrums frequently. One of their ways to control her is to push her into the basment stair well and close the door, or shove her outside the house and lock her out for a few minutes. I would like to hear your feedback on this type of treatment / discipline. I feel it is horrible.
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Is shutting a 4 yr old outside during a tantrum okay?
Poll Results: Is shutting a 4 yr old in a stair well or outside the house during a tantrum a wise way to discipline?Poll expired: Sep 30, 2013 This is a multiple choice poll
17 Total Votespost #2 of 119/19/13 at 1:37pmI get that they're frustrated but locking a child out of their home is unacceptable. How do they supervise her and keep her safe? What if she starts running and gets into traffic? While tantrumming, kids aren't safety conscious in the least, and something utterly horrible can happen in the blink of an eye. This also sends the message that as soon as the girl gets upset over something, she's no longer wanted. I get that intense tantrums are difficult but even if we ignore the emotional/psychological aspects of it, locking an upset child out of her home is a very dangerous and unkind thing to do. If she's hitting/throwing or being a danger to siblings otherwise then I can see taking her to a safe room where she can't injure others or herself but it needs to be a safe place she knows and likes, not a dark stairwell or outside her house. I think this needs to change now!post #3 of 119/19/13 at 1:56pm
29% (5)Yes, but only until the child has calmed.
11% (2)Absolutely not, this is unsafe and is abusive.
0% (0)Call CPS!
47% (8)They need parenting classes to learn a better way to deal with the tantrum.
35% (6)This is psychologically and emotionally damaging and not wise.
The last thing you want is a tantrumming child at the top of the stairs. The basement stairwell is a terrible idea. And outside alone isn't a lot better, and is really weather dependent.
(FTR, I frequently find it helpful to take flipping out kids outside - mind tend to calm down in fresh air - but taking your screaming kid onto the back porch to calm down is different then shoving your kid out the door and locking it behind them.)post #4 of 119/19/13 at 2:00pmpost #5 of 119/19/13 at 3:15pm
LOL...that seems weird to me.
Not only does it sound dangerous, I doubt the neighbors want to hear it.
I'd tell them "that sounds like an odd way to handle it, I'd be afraid of the neighbors calling the police...maybe we can brainstorm another idea". Then try to be helpful.
Sometimes they just need ideas, and just can't come up with anything better. Dumping her out the door is easy, so it works for them. Go easy on them...they probably aren't trying to endanger her, but maybe they would listen to your gentle advice.post #6 of 119/19/13 at 3:39pm
I have a now beyond this stage child with Aspergers. There were a few occasions when this was the sole solution to a meltdown. Ideal- nope, but having her step out into the fenced back yard or go sit on the front porch rocker was a sanity saver for us and allowed her total removal from the situation to reset. No nearby neighbors at the time though, so if anyone heard her complaining, it was the local livestock.post #7 of 119/19/13 at 4:00pmRainbow Asylum, a fenced backyard or a porch on a quiet country road are one thing. I imagine you'd be aware of her whereabouts at all times and running into traffic wouldn't be an issue. I just pictured a 4 year old locked out of her house in my decent but very urban neighbourhood and cringed. I also don't picture you locking her out but letting her out. I just got a different feel from the OP.post #8 of 119/19/13 at 4:33pmpost #9 of 119/19/13 at 8:37pmI did this as a last resort a few times and still regret it but also didn't have another safe option at the time. I was at the end of my rope and it stopped the tantrum incredibly quickly which is what needed yo happen at the time. Reading better techniques and not getting emotionally invested in stopping the tantrums really helped me and I found better ways. I don't think it is awful or cps worthy but I do think the parent also needs to learn better ways of parenting.post #10 of 119/30/13 at 5:54pmpost #11 of 1110/2/13 at 5:26pm
I've had times where I've locked myself in the bathroom for a few minutes so I could calm down. But, it scares me to think of a child, alone and out of control and probably scared, outside alone and locked out there, or locked on the basement stairs. When I was a child I was terrified of our creepy dark basement stairs and avoided them at all costs. My parents weren't always Parents of the Year, but they never locked me on the stairs or outside and I would never do anything of the kind with my own children.
I know there are other more appropriate ways of handling tantrums.
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