I get terrible postpartum anxiety. It is hell. There is no way to will yourself out of that. Its chemical and beyond your control. I know so many moms are against taking meds but please keep in mind that mom's untreated anxiety and depression can be traumatic for the children in the home. I am just not the mom I need to be without treatment. I had to have my OB talk me into it and my midwife again the next time but after starting Zoloft (and sticking with it) I am able to be myself again. I have tried fish oil, vitamins and herbs without success. However, getting enough sleep (even here I have had to use some benadryl for the insomnia) makes a big difference and making sure I eat well. But on their own, that isn't enough. I truly understand your pain and suffering and I want to say there is no shame in seeking help. If you have a midwife or OB that you trust, I would make an appt and talk to them. There are some blood tests they can do to check for physical triggers like thyroid or low Vit D.
I also *try* to control my thought process. Somedays are MUCH easier then others. I know it has to do with hormones and chemicals, but I feel like every action begins as a thought. So, its becoming a mantra of mine, "just go with the flow". And sometimes I really have to remind myself of the reality here, they are just kids,I can't expect perfection!
Idk what your situation is exactly, but it had helped me to some degree to assign tasks to the kids, chores if you will, the lightening of my load helps me a lot. The #1 rule in my home is, when you're done with something, put it away! Do they always do it? No, but its improving, and it is a life lesson they hafta learn sooner or later. Also being up front with my kids helps too. When I screw up and lose it,I tell them I'm sorry. I also explain that I don't like being mean, and I know they don't like it when I'm mean, so we all have to work together as a team. They are amazingly forgiving, and full of unconditional love. They are an inspiration, and in that regard,I aspire to be more like my kids.
I'm sorry your going through this. Take one day at a time. And consider those supplements, they have helped me!