What have you done, or what would you do?
What have you done, or what would you do?
My daughter is a C cup these days- just turning 12. I do ask that she wear a bra if she is wearing a shirt that gaps at the neck or sides, and otherwise, I let her choose whether she wants to wear one or not.
I can't fathom forcing her to wear or not wear a bra on a regular basis. It is her body, not mine.
Interesting thread. My daughter is far too young as of yet, but I have already given some thought to this because I really don't like the way my mom handled it with me. I would not make her wear a bra because I think each person deserves to wear the undergarments they are comfortable with and I just can't see any positive consequences to forcing a bra on someone who isn't ready. I do think if she was wearing a shirt in which she'd be borderline indecent without a bra, I would probably keep her from leaving the house that way.
I am almost 30 years old, a mother, and literally do not own any bras (ok, one cotton-only sports bra for nursing)... Talk to your daughter about bras as she develops? Sure, just like hygiene and deoderant and all that... "Make" her? Absolutely not... I just can't imagine forcing that kind of decision about my daughter's personal body on her.
Mine asked me to take her bra shopping well before she needed one, as she wanted to go with me rather than her stepmom (who had indicated that it was time....). No big. We went, had fun, went out to lunch. At 19? She's a C-cup, and an athlete. And prefers to wear a bra of some type. Sports bra for sports and hanging out, a "pretty" bra for going out. I think it's appropriate.
Not an issue for us as my girls want to wear them. I got my older dd1 some training bras/bralettes when she was in 3rd grade (9) and going through a hard time with some girl drama. Some of the other girls in her class were wearing them (and needing to). Her little sister (6 at the time) wanted some too and I put her off with some camis for a year or two, but after a year or two I did let both of them wear some cotton non-padded ones whenever they wanted to. I don't see anything wrong with a 9 yr old having a simple basic unpadded cotton bra to wear under her clothes if she wants to. I would not be in favor of a padded bra at that age, but now that dd1 is age 12 and developing more I am okay with it because growing boobs can be a little ouchy at times. I would not "make" my kids wear a bra, but I would suggest to them that certain shirts might look better w/ a bra underneath. Dd1 really liked this new unicorn shirt she got, but it's black and that slub fabric which is a little bit sheer in places. Dd1 really wanted to get a skin tone bra to wear under it, so we did. She didn't want people to be able to see her bra, but really wanted a bra under the thin fabric.
I remember not wanting to wear one in 6th grade when I was beginning to need one, but by the time I got to 7th grade everyone was wearing them and I was too.
No. For years I often went bra-less myself. DD likes wearing a bra though. More than I did at the same age, but I was quite flat so I could never find bras that I liked at that age. I did take her to a specialty shop a couple of years ago and she's gone through the fitting process, so she knows about proper sizing. She likes shopping for pretty bras. We have fun going to Victoria's Secret and other shops. It's a mother-daughter bonding thing.
No, I wouldn't make my daughter wear a bra. I wouldn't make my son wear one either. I regularly go bra-less myself, so it would be pretty hypocritical of me to make one of my kids wear one anyways. Bras can increase comfort under certain circumstances, but they can also be uncomfortable and distracting to wear.
I would have a problem with a school nurse commenting on my kid's underwear, and then trying to dictate about it. If one of my kids was wearing a bra as a top, with nothing over it, then fine, but trying to dictate what my clothed child wears underneath their clothes is creepy and inappropriate.
No one should dictate whether a child even wears underwear, barring health issues. I have known dads who insist their daughters wear a bra, and that is just creepy to me. School faculty getting involved in underwear...a HUGE no-no. I wish bras weren't an issue in society. I hate wearing one but I am pretty floppy/bouncy and it feels physically awkward if I am just hanging loose in certain shirts.
I needed one physcially far before I ever got one. I only wish my mom had taken me sooner.
For me it will depend on their health. My health would have benefitted from having a proper supportive bra around 9-10. My DD? It's not even an issue as of yet, even though I'm expecting early puberty with my children, I'm hoping that it will be a little later than me. But if they have a significant need, then yes for the health of their back, breasts and body I will insist (but probably not have to), I was a full B in grade four and a full C in grade 5, and it was sudden!
Definitely not. And I pity the school nurse who calls me about my child wearing *antiperspirant* (which IMO is really what is expected). I will tell her that *I* have a little 'Secret' for her: It is a drug, it is labeled as an OTC drug and no one in my family will be coating their underarms with Aluminum Chlorohydrate to prop up US prudishness.
My son actually prefers not to wear underwear to school and I don't really see why exactly he should have to . . . There is no situation in which anyone should be in his pants.
I find the idea that MOTHERS would be upset about the breasts of a developing child more than reprehensible and just speaks to the incredible breast obsession/envy in our culture that drives the billion dollar silicone implant industry.
As a woman who is well endowed, I say step right off the nursies of other women. If they are bigger than yours, well maybe you have better hair or something. Just appreciate what another woman has and be done with it, we are all blessed with something.
I am definitely someone who thinks underwire and padded & push up bras are WAY more offensive than no bra @ all.
It seems to me that probably most girls want to wear a bra before or around the time that they're starting to be physically uncomfortable without one. The situation with a girl who is experiencing physical issues (as opposed to social) due to not wearing a bra, and yet she doesn't want to wear one as opposed to her parent not wanting to get her one, seems comparatively rare. But if you do happen to have that kid who has back/shoulder pain from large breasts and yet stubbornly doesn't want to wear a bra, and you discuss with her the benefits of a bra and how a properly-fitting one will help her feel more comfortable, and she still stubbornly doesn't want to wear one, then I just don't see where pushing it on her is going to accomplish anything constructive. She'll either take it off the first chance she gets, or wear it and seethe at you. As for deodorant, assuming she is bathing regularly and her clothes are reasonably clean, that also sounds like a social issue rather than a physical one, but I am not opposed to the nurse pointing out such an issue to parents, who may legitimately not have realized it. The parent can then decide how to proceed.
Whether or not to wear a bra is their choice.
I have 2 girls - 14 and almost 11.
The 14 year old always wears a bra, and enjoys getting pretty ones.
The 11 year old does have small breasts, but rarely wears a bra. She does have a couple of camisole type ones she picked out. Once in a blue moon I will let her know that a shirt is a little see-through (or is in some other way immodest) if we are leaving the house and ask her to put on a bra or change tops - but that is pretty rare.
I was pretty resistant to wearing a bra when I started to develop in grade 6. I was not amused at going through puberty - and somewhat in denial. I do remember a couple of kids commenting on my lack of bra, and it was embarrassing, but honestly, I think it would have been more damaging if my mom insisted I wear a bra. i just wasn't ready. This changed - of course - and I started wearing a bra pretty consistantly from about grade 7 onwards. Nowadays, I wear a bra about 75% of the time. I do not find bras all that comfortable, so I do go without sometimes.