So The Man and I are in the early stages of the divorce process. The whole thing is very weird. We are still in the same house. He makes himself scarce. I'm wondering about a couple of things and hoping for some suggestions/insight.
Our oldest is turning 16 this weekend. She decided that she would rather volunteer out of town than deal with the awkwardness of being the first 'holiday' celebrated post decision. We've got another birthday coming up in November. He expects to be part of a whole family celebration for both events. I cannot stand to be in the same room as him and am counting the days until I can afford to move out with the kids. I told him that I didn't want him there, but I would be willing to suck it up if the kids want him included in one celebration instead of two smaller ones. The oldest doesn't want to have anything to do with him, especially for her birthday.
Question 1: Did I do an OK thing?
His parents have never had a very close relationship with our kids. They have been downright vicious and cruel to me, which is documented somewhere in the archives here. I have already had concerns about the kids spending time with them because of their drinking and the way they openly slander me in front of my children. My family is very close to our kids. My mother and my sis & BIL have all contacted the kids to let them know that the are here for them, whether it's to talk or whatever. Even though the kids will be with me, my family went out of their way to ensure that the kids know that they will remain in their lives. The IL's have done nothing. No contact at all.
Question 2: How can I find out what their intentions are? Is this something only The Man should do?
He has changed his relationship status on facebook to "it's complicated" but has refrained from openly sharing the fact that we are divorcing. I'm also positive that he will not be open about the fact that he initiated it. I'm a very open book. I want to be able to tell people. I hate being vague all the time as to what is going on.
Question 3: Do I have to follow his pattern? What about with his family? There are some people I've been very close to--can I talk to them and tell them? I would like to thank some of them for being so kind and welcoming to me for the past 22 years.
(ETA that he sent my BIL a message for his birthday and thanked them for being so good to our children.)