I'm at a loss for how to deal with this.
- X moved out September 2012, after 15 years
- Girlfriend dates back to March or Feb 2013
- X was abusive to me, in front of the kids, and to DS1
- DS1 is scared of his father
- DS2 is 8, DS3 is 4
- We share custody 50-50
- X claims I am an incompetent mom and responsible for DS1's emotional/behavioural problems (major rage all his life only released on me) but X refuses consent for ds1 to see any kind of counsellor/therapist and would sabotage any therapy if I got a court order.
- Ministry for Children and Family assigned a wonderful family counsellor who comes to my home once a week, but X refused him.
GF seems nice enough. I have not met her, but outright anger or meanness by her is not an issue. Ds1 says that she is trying to be their mom and tells them to hug her and she calls them 'sweetiepie', etc. Could be worse!
He called me yesterday afternoon crying from his dad's begging me to come get him, saying he hates his dad, he hates the girlfirend and never wants to go there every again. He's been saying this since the separation, but it waned for a while but is now full-force. He said his dad is ruining his life and so is the girlfriend and if I don't get him, he's taking the bus to my house. I talked him out of it. It seems that he walked in on them yesterday. I don't know what he saw exactly, but he said that she was on top of his dad in his dad's bed and it was horrible for him.
Then he called me again last night at 11pm from under his covers sobbing because the GF was spending the night. He couldn't sleep but I finally got him calm enough to try to go to sleep and he did by around 11:30pm. He was enraged again because that means she will likely go with them on their big trip to their cousins house today and he feels that will ruin the day for him. So he wants to take the bus to my house instead. If he tries to do this today, what do I do???
He doesn't feel safe talking to his dad. His dad was doing better, but he seems to be slipping and his abusive tendencies vs. DS1 are returning. He is outright mean and strips poor DS1 of whatever little bit of self-confidence he has.
Our plan yesterday was for him to get through until Monday when he returns to my house and then I (with the help of the family counsellor) would help DS1 write an email to his dad telling him how he feels. My hope is that an honest email from ds1 might initiate a conversation between the two that would somehow help ds1 feel more comfortable with the situation. But he's scared that X will just get mad at him for it (very possible), so he's not sure what to do.
ANY BTDT SUGGESTIONS? Thank you!!!