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Bedsharing with a Hitter/Kicker

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 

DS just turned two at the end of August and is still nursing quite a bit. He is a BIG boy. Depending on where I am in my cycle I sometimes don't have a lot of milk and nursing a lot gets uncomfortable, after a point I have to say no. I always offer food or drink, just in case that is part of the problem. He is kicking and hitting a lot (pretty much every night) when refused "surse". I also offer hugs and sometimes he will lay on top of me, stomach to stomach, as a hug. It is especially bad in the morning.

 

 He knows hands are not for hitting, gentle touches, that hurts mama, if you keep hurting mama you will have to get off the bed etc but it doesn't seem to help. We are ttc and I'm even more worried about him kicking me hard in the abdomen if we are successful. I get frustrated that DH doesn't really help, but he's at a loss as to what to do (other than help with the "that hurts mama. We do not hit." bits) because if DS wants me he just screams and is more violent when DH goes to him. I'm not really sure what to do at this point either. 

post #2 of 7
Do you think this is a co sleeping issue?
Are you looking for gentle strategies to get him to stop hitting? http://www.mothering.com/community/f/36/gentle-discipline
Well , it sounds like you are a patient mama and doing the best that you can. My dh only can do so much too and sometimes I understand that part being frustrating too. We co sleep also.
My ds has been sleeping awful the last couple of days and though he does not hit he definitely tantrums and I have to let him go through it while being supportive but it is exhausting.
You might want to post or just read through here http://www.mothering.com/community/f/31/life-with-a-toddler
post #3 of 7
Thread Starter 

Thank you for the links! I do feel like it is a co sleeping issue, but I could be wrong. Maybe more of a nursing problem? Because this is really the only situation in which he hits. Even during the day if I let him know I am done nursing he doesn't hit. He may get frustrated, but the kicking and hitting is strictly limited to being in bed.

 

I think I was looking for ideas as to how my husband could help more, or if other people have gone through this what were some solutions? Getting a bed to sidecar to ours, having me sleep in a different room for a while, etc. 

 

Thanks again!

post #4 of 7

Is his behavior happening more at a certain time, like at night before sleep or in the morning or is it all the time in bed? 

post #5 of 7
Thread Starter 

It is mostly in the early morning when he wants to nurse a lot and eventually I have to say no. That is usually after he has nursed on both sides, so I don't think it is hunger as much as wanting to stay asleep but not being able to get back to that deep sleep. A lot of the time he is half asleep, with his eyes closed, which is why I have a hard time knowing what to do.

post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 

I actually have noticed that he is being pretty rough in general the last week or so. Grabbing the pets, testing boundries. He's always been really interested in physical reactions - knocking something over, banging on a drum, etc. It seems like now he has realized he can make the puppies yelp, the cats meow, his sister squeal, and he's exploring that. It's really hard! And I have PTSD and am feeling really triggered at times when he hurts me. So obviously this IS a bigger issue than just co sleeping, as TracyAmber said, although I'd still love ideas on how to handle co sleeping or change it to work better.

post #7 of 7

You might check out Janet Lansbury's blog I like how she handles communicating with children and how it helps them & you deal with situations that arise in a more respectful way. 

If your DS is restless in the morn, but still half asleep talk to him in a quiet voice-something like I know you still want to nurse and you're still sleepy, but nursing time is done now but we can still snuggle here til you wake up or you can go back to sleep if you want. I'll be right here with you. We'll have to get up though if you keep hitting and kicking me. (stop him in the act of hitting/kicking by blocking/holding his hand or legs & say I won't let you hit/kick me) OR... I'll have to move you to your bed if... so that we can both get good rest. 

Try out different things to see what makes a difference. Often a child will settle if their feelings or struggles are acknowledged. 
Here's a page w/links about toddler discipline http://www.janetlansbury.com/category/parenting/behavior/discipline-behavior-parenting/

 

Here's a page w/link on sleep http://www.janetlansbury.com/category/parenting/babys-day/sleep-babys-day-parenting/

 

Hopefully those will give you some new inspiration :Hug

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