I was pretty disappointed in myself for being so scared. I wanted it to stop and to scream, "Wait! I'm not ready yet!!!" It's true I am not prepared even with the car seat and everything. Getting closer to being prepared today, though.
I was also pretty freaked at how bad DS1 needed me last night. I was in pain and wanted to be left alone but he wanted to be right next to me and to nurse. I worry so much about how he will handle me being gone for a few days.
Then today I had sort of a weird convo with my midwife where she basically implied that she was worried I might sue her if something bad happened since she's not doing two NSTs a week (I refused and said I only wanted one a week). Ugh. I do not want to be so full of fear or make a decision based on fear!!
Sorry, I'm venting a little. I need a virtual hug!!!