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Queer, Pregnant & Parenting October, November & December 2013! - Page 9

post #161 of 194
SanDiego - I have a tendency sometimes to worry about "jinxing" things, and I started to worry that it was affecting my ability to get excited about my pregnancy at the beginning. I decided to reframe it, and I told myself that it could just as easily be a "jinx" NOT to let myself get excited. This was actually pretty freeing. No matter what happened, I was pregnant at the time, and I wouldn't get the chance to do those early days over again once I knew the outcome. I wanted permission to just enjoy it, so I gave myself that.

The other thing is, I would try not to always follow up the news about my BFP with a caveat that something could go wrong. People know that already, and the only people we told early were people who had been well aware of our TTC journey and would be our support network if we were to miscarry. So my parents, sister, and BFF found out a day or two after my BFP, before I'd even missed a period. DW told her parents later that week. We told a few more friends after the 8-week viability u/s, and then a general Facebook announcement (nothing clever) after the end if the first tri.

I have very few regrets about how and when we told people. The only one that was weird I guess was my boss. He knew we had been trying, which I don't necessarily regret telling him (we've worked together a long time), except that we just happened to take a business trip together right after my missed period. He noticed that I wasn't drinking wine at dinner, which is very unusual for me, and so he guessed. I had a few HUGE projects at work this year, and so I wound up needing to have the conversation about when to tell the other executives WAY sooner than I would have wanted. That was uncomfortable, but again, I'm not really sure what I would have done differently in hindsight.
post #162 of 194
Hey sandiego, welcome over here.
We had informed our moms about the IVF. It was too hard to keep the several 6-8 hour trips to the clinic secret. Also, if my retrieval had happened on any other day of the week, my wife wouldn't have been able to come with me due to work, so we had my MIL as a backup to accompany me. We also sent the prospective grandmoms the picture of the embryos at transfer. As soon as the positive blood test came in they were informed. They know about the dangers, both me and my sister had a mc which we told them about, so every text or phone call is not only excitement but also good wishes for proper development.
My siblings I might tell after christmas depending on how the next ultrasound goes. I read that after you see a heartbeat the chances of mc drop to well under 10%. It is possible they'll ask, cause the know we've been trying for a year. Work we'll tell after the first trimester is almost over. Since my pregnancy influences my teaching schedule next semester, I'll have to come clean before we plan our departments schedule. I also want ro give them plenty of time to find a replacement for my parental leave which is a least another semester. Then we'll also tell the great-grandparents (perhaps on my moms birthday party). Everybody else, extended family and friends, will get a facebook announcement at the beginning of the second trimester.
post #163 of 194
Thread Starter 
Hey sandie welcome over here xx re your question he only people we told straight away were my inlaws. We were going to wait until after the 12 week scan to tell everyone else including my parents but because I had to cancel my trip home at the last minute because of it I had to tell my family at ten weeks but we'd had a scan just before. Everyone else including best friends was after 12 week scan
post #164 of 194
Welcome, sandiego!

As for when we told: we told my sister and my mom when we got our BFPs (11 days post IVF), knowing they would be our main supports if we lost the pregnancy. We told our close friends from about 7 weeks (when we saw the heartbeat), and again, knew that we could lean on those folks if we had a miscarriage. We told other people piecemeal from about 16 weeks.
post #165 of 194

Hey y'all -


I know I fell off the face of the earth, but wanted to let anyone who was wondering know that our boy is here!  Frederick Joseph (we're calling him Freddie) arrived on his due date, Nov 30. I was hoping for a VBAC but my water broke and I hadn't gone into labor after 18 hours, so I was given the choice of an induction or a c-section and I went for the c-section.  I was glad I did because he ended up being jumbo-sized - 10lbs 6oz, 21", and a 15+" head!  He's sweet as can be and we're all in love, especially big bro Hank who just turned 4. Looks like everyone is doing well around here - special congrats to fellow November EDDs Escher and Granite on your babes - Soto, hope to hear good news from you soon - and congrats and good luck to all of y'all who are expecting since I was on last.

post #166 of 194
Congratulations baby.fatty! I hope you're enjoying your big baby and recuperating well. That's a great name!
post #167 of 194

Cheers, baby.fatty!  I was just looking over the first page and wondering if you had the baby yet!  CONGRATS!  I hope things are going well with two kids.  I'm sure Freddie is awesome, and Hank is as proud as can be.  :joy

post #168 of 194

Congrats babyfatty!!!! Freddie is such a cute name


Telling folks: We both can't keep a secret and pretty much everyone we see on a regular basis and close friends out of state knew within a few weeks of us finding out. I thought about what if I have a miscarriage, but I guess it didn't matter that much for us. We are sending out announcements to other friends and family who we haven't told yet...one of these days anyway


AFM: We got a letter from the cryobank yesterday saying that our donor had stopped donating and had limited vials available. They said if we want to buy more for sibling(s) we need to let them know in 2 weeks. Horrible timing. We thought we'd be able to buy more after this baby was born. I'm going to see if we can get a zero interest credit card or something. On top of all the other expenses right now we just aren't ready for this one, but do want to use the same donor when DW carries the next baby. Just needed to vent a little, times are stressful and I'm looking forward to the day when we can breathe a little and really enjoy this pregnancy. 

post #169 of 194

Wow, RRB, that's a tight deadline.  I used Fairfax and they have a waiting list (for vials being released from quarantine), but when they call you, you only get something like 24 hours to call them back before they move on.  I hope you can figure something out on such short notice!

post #170 of 194

Congratulations, baby fatty!!

post #171 of 194
Congratulations babyfatty, what a great name. All the best to the little one.
post #172 of 194
Thread Starter 

congrats baby fatty - that's great news and hope all is going well for you and Hank is adjusting OK.


redrock - eek pressure but I'm glad they told you now!!!


AFM we're on a 'babymoon' in Paris and having a great time. Can't believe it's only a week until Christmas so seasons greetings to everyone x

post #173 of 194
Oh how great, I love Paris. Have lots of fun there!

We went for our second us today (7+1) and saw the heartbeat. Baby looks like a small turtle and is developed just perfectly, even measuring a bit ahead. My doc allowed me to reduce progesterone to just once a day and to start up with sports again because my ovaries have almost returned to normal size. I'll keep the running to 40 minutes twice a week, but will add in swimming and a pregnancy Yoga class. I am finally optimistic that things will turn out just fine.
post #174 of 194

I just wanted to pop in and tell you all that we got married yesterday in UTAH! It was the craziest and most amazing day ever. DW and I both left work early and raced to the county clerk's office waited in line for almost 2 hours and were finally officially married. If it can happen in Utah it will be legal everywhere soon! *

post #175 of 194
Redrock--congratulations! I was wondering if you'd do that--so glad you did! I really hope it stands up to whatever comes next!
post #176 of 194
OMG, how amazing. Congratulations! You both look beautiful. I read about it, how there was a run to the offices to get certificates. Where did you have the ceremony? Those jars in the back look like you're in a candy store. Are you going to have another party later with friends and family or a honeymoon vacation as well? How did you do it with the rings on such short notice? Have a great happy marriage redrock.
post #177 of 194
Congratulations! So crazy you can do that in Utah!
post #178 of 194
Congrats Redrock! So fabulous!
post #179 of 194

redrock, CONGRATS!  lady has been staring at the color coded maps of the us and just beaming because of all the change.  she was marveling that is someone had told her 15 years ago that people would marry in utah, it would have blown her mind.  i think it still does!  you both look great :)


sphinxy, i'm still dealing with the jinxing or jinxing by thinking i'm jinxing mindf*@#!  our ultrasound is on monday morning.  my in laws are staying with us and i'm swamped with work, so you would think i'd be distracted, but no.  what do we do if it's bad news?  what do we do if they can't see the baby, but aren't positive it's not there?  is being a parent just constantly holding your breath, b/c if so, this counts as practice, right?

post #180 of 194
SanDiego- I won't say it's *constantly* holding your breath, and granted I'm only ten weeks in, but yes. This doesn't exactly go away, it just changes. I remember the day, somewhere around 36 weeks pregnant, where I hadn't felt W move or kick all day, and all the tricks they suggest weren't working. I wound up going to the hospital for a non-stress test to have them check his heart rate. I was a mess as DW was driving me in, and so I called my mom for reassurance. And I had this epiphany moment on the phone with her, I said, "every day for the rest of my life I'm going to be worried about something happening to him, aren't I?" And her response was, "well, yes..."
The other thing you are getting practice for though is just making it work. If you get bad news it will be awful but you will deal with it. You will tell or not tell your in laws whatever you want based on how you are feeling. Just taking it one day at a time is how I got through the early pregnancy waiting, and the late pregnancy discomfort, and the early newborn breast feeding challenges, and the sleep deprivation, and so on... It's always something different, and yet remarkably, the coping strategies are pretty much the same. Sending you and your lady lots of positive thoughts for tomorrow morning!
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