I'm currently 19w pregnant with my second (and last) child. Ds was born in the spring of 2012. It was a planned hb but after 26 hours of labour at home i transferred to the hospital because i was tired of the pain. What a mistake. Once there i was given demerol, which i agreed to. I was starved and forced to go 2 days without food. I was held against my will for 1.5 days. I was pressured into pitocin and epidural. Then, a couple of hours after the pitocin my mw started working on me to get me to have a c-section, for the sole purpose that she was hypothesizing that i wouldn't dilate fully, and i guess she didn't want to wait. She kept telling me, more and more often, over a period of about 8 hours, that i would never dilate fully, that sometimes "nature needs a little help", and became increasingly hostile and perturbed that i refused hte c-section. Eventually i dilated fully but once that happened my mw was like "you've gone so long without food that you dont' have the energy to push the baby out anyway". I swear if i was mobile and had claws i'd have scratched her eyes out right then and there. Eventually there was a shift change and a new nurse came on and was totally abusive towards me, refused me pain relief, basically called me a bad mother to my face for refusing the c-section, and insisted for 1 hour that i push in the lithomy position, and kept applying extremely painful fetal monitoring belts to my abdomen. My son was totally limp and covered in mecomium when he was born. He was totally stressed out and i blame the hospital for that because it was by far the most stressful and traumatic experience of my adult life.
Now i'm pregnant again, which is awesome. Problem is that i live in a smallish town and all the mw work out of one house, and there's NO WAY IN HELL i would ever go back there. I hate my previous mw more than i hate anyone. She betrayed me completely and since that happened to me several women have come forward complaining about her, all of whom had c-sections in circumstances very similar to mine. So, i thought i need a mw, so i decided to go to the next town over. I also thought this would be a good idea in case i have to go to the hospital since there's no way in hell i want to go back to the torture chamber that is the local hospital where ds was born. Problem is i'm obviously not going to go to a hospital unless there's a true medical emergency, but i don't know anyone in the next town. So my only choice is to rent a hotel and give birth there. I could rent a cabin but it's too expensive and i'd rather save the money for my mat leave, since i don't have any benefits at all because i'm self employed. The thing is the closer it comes to actually giving birth the more hesitant i am to drive an hour and a half to a hotel to do it. The closer it comes the more i think, "maybe i should just try unassisted at home". I NEVER thought i'd ever consider anything like that given that i am a bit of a suck and i don't have medical expertise. I just don't know what to do. What if i get to the town and for whatever reason we can't find a hotel room? I guess i'd have to give birth in the forest? There's no way in hell i'd ever go to a hospital unless it was life or death. I'm just confused.
Any suggestions - short of suggesting that i suck it up and go to the hospital? Please don't suggest that, i've already disregarded it as an option.